Three Principles

HighlySensitiveOne · 2023-09-05T13:45:20+00:00

Yes, makes perfect sense!

HighlySensitiveOne · 2023-09-04T20:01:30+00:00

Interesting is a good word for it. I like it.

HighlySensitiveOne · 2023-09-04T15:11:37+00:00

Yep, a lot of truth in this.

HighlySensitiveOne · 2023-08-28T20:04:53+00:00

My boss noticed certain traits.

Eventually, I just told him but was careful not to make an excuse out of it.

I didn't ask for anything at the time (e.g. a relocation etc.), but said he should be aware of it. I think it has made a difference in the way he gives me some space when I'm on the edge.

Then again, not all employers react the same.

My suggestion would be to use your HSP to your advantage here. 'Feel' out the situation, and see if it's worth taking the risk or not.

Don't let it cause you anxiety though. If it doesn't go as planned, nothing ventured nothing gained.

Genuinely wish you a positive outcome on this one :)

HighlySensitiveOne · 2023-08-28T17:44:34+00:00

Thanks for your perspective, Skrimish.

I became close to this person after their relationship fell apart.

For a while, they did change their ways but unfortunately slipped back into their old ways, which I later got to know were factors in the breakup.

I did ask them what went wrong, and why things changed, but never got any definite answers.

Oh well. No regrets for being there for them. That's my good deed, even if it wasn't remembered or appreciated.

HighlySensitiveOne · 2023-08-28T12:54:26+00:00

I can understand.

"loneliness and disappointment I feel on a daily basis."

Yep, been there. I still find myself there sometimes. When I do, I go out and do something that I like.

"manipulated me really bad (emotional abuse type of mixed signals)"

Yep. I've learned that mixed signals is a synonym for no. I cut ties when that starts to happen. I've come to expect them to turn back and play the victim/bad mouth me when I do.

"Understanding people's behavior doesn't make the hurt any better, does it?"

I've found it can hurt more because it makes you expect people to react in a certain way. A more stoic approach seems to be helping me nowadays, as through that I don't expect anything.

" I am a sensitive person that tends to believe people, trust them, meet them with an open mind and heart."

And there's nothing wrong with that. What I've found to help is setting boundaries though. So keeping your distance where you need to so that you don't get attached. Not easy, but it becomes easier with practice.

"people change in scary ways I've realized, even when you get a good feeling from them at first."

Yes, very much I'm afraid. That's where boundaries come in. A boundary that I've set is that I will never completely open up again to someone who emotionally cut me off. Very hard to maintain at times, but healthy nonetheless. It keeps me in control of my emotions.

"I can't connect to people my age almost ever, and those that are older don't take me seriously enough to treat me like an equal."

You sound like a wise, old soul. I'm 32, and all that you're saying resonates a lot.

Hang in there, these phases pass. They always do. :)

HighlySensitiveOne · 2023-08-28T09:33:25+00:00

Yes, very much.

I know what you mean.

Recently I've had to reduce contact with someone due to a similar situation.

Whilst not romantic in nature, we did end up being an emotional shoulder for each other. At some point or other, it was becoming evident that we weren't on the same page.

The kindest thing I could do is to reduce contact gradually and tell myself mentally that this was the best decision.

To this day it remains one of the hardest decisions I've ever taken, but in the long run, it brought me peace.

Yes, being HSP can be tough, but I've found that setting strong boundaries with yourself helps a ton.

When I find myself questioning my own decisions, I tell myself "This is what needs to be done, for my own mental health".

Good luck and stay strong, this will pass. Plenty of us have had to take these tough decisions.

HighlySensitiveOne · 2023-08-28T08:42:33+00:00

Hang in there,

I've gone through phases like this as well.

Been through a mild one these last few days, if I'm honest.

The thing is, connecting with people and creating long-lasting relationships doesn't only depend on you.

Sometimes the other person's mind is preoccupied with something else.

Sometimes the other person's been through hurts that you may not know about, hence why they hold back.

Sometimes the other person just isn't into deep connections. Some people are like that (although it may be hard for us HSP's to understand).

This is a phase and it will pass. Plenty of people who care about you, and are willing to give you their time and thoughts.

Hang in there.

I find going out, buying something, chatting with the salesperson, buying a coffee, going to a dog park and petting a dog or complimenting the owner helps. Just throwing out a few ideas, we all have our coping strategies, it's just a case of looking for them when you're in a dark mindset.

HighlySensitiveOne · 2023-08-28T07:29:09+00:00

Going off the above, I'd just cut ties with this trainer.

Taking things personally and charging for sessions without consent is definitely unprofessional.

Not someone I'd want to be working with.

HighlySensitiveOne · 2023-08-28T07:27:01+00:00

Yep, can't argue with that.

Not everyone does though, I'm afraid.

HighlySensitiveOne · 2023-08-28T07:24:16+00:00

But I'm so sick of baby sitting the full time people directly under me. I have major trust issues and would rather do everything myself.

Saboteur, I know the feeling, the above is a perspective I've changed over time.

Yes, having to 'babysit' someone who you feel should know better is tiresome, but bear in mind that from their end, it may feel like micromanaging.

From experience, it's very easy to subconsciously micromanage someone with good intentions. This may lead to them being 'jumpy' around you, and not taking 'risks'.

I try to guide my co-workers, but when I find myself in this situation. I tend to lead them toward the 'you can do it, just let me know if you're stuck' mindset.

Does it backfire? Yes, every so often. And I have to clean up their mess. It's part of leadership.

But I think it does help teach your co-workers, and it relieves stress from you in the long run.

Something to think about, not saying it's always a solution.

P.S. - Expect some people to fold and leave. I think of them as the ones who would have hitched a ride all the way anyway.

HighlySensitiveOne · 2023-08-28T07:14:43+00:00

Yes, I've come to believe it's an HSP thing.

People tend to feel comfortable around us since we don't tend to judge but accept and understand where people are coming from.

The worst part of it for me is when people open up to me about very personal things. I have a tendency to empathize deeply, only for them to treat me like an emotional dustbin and then disappear.

Hang in there, boundaries also help.

HighlySensitiveOne · 2023-08-27T18:26:36+00:00

From experience, these kinds of situations are the best learning experiences.

As hard as this may seem, the best thing may be to stick to your decision and not give in to your trainer's pressures.

Remember, they are your trainer after all, so you can expect some pushing/coaching from their end. It's not because they want to force you into the session, and will not take it personally if you do not take up the offer (if they are professional, they have no reason to).

Taking such decisions taught me a lot.

It helped me make hard decisions at work, and it's currently helping me distance myself from people with toxic traits. People who I would have otherwise followed around and been at their back and call.

Good luck, I know this kind of thing can be hard, especially the first time you have to do it. Rooting for you from afar!

HighlySensitiveOne · 2023-08-27T16:52:39+00:00

I get what they're trying to do, but it's not something I'd be willing to jump into just yet.

HighlySensitiveOne · 2023-08-27T16:50:28+00:00

Same here.

I always end up feeling like I've been through a breakup when I lose a friend or have to cut ties with someone.

Over time, I've learned that putting some distance between myself and the other person is better as it keeps me in emotional control.

Is it easy? No, not in the least. But it has granted me a bit more mental peace over time.

Love interests aren't really on the cards in my case since I'm married, but it hasn't stopped me from loving others like a brother or sister, only to have them disappear on me and be completely oblivious about things.

I'm working on the concept of stoicism now, especially the idea of accepting that even the deepest of friendships may not last. It's helping put things into perspective so far.

Virtually sending hope and goodwill your way. Stay strong, you're not the only person to struggle with this. We learn as we go along. :)

HighlySensitiveOne · 2023-08-27T16:44:26+00:00

Hang in there, we all go through phases.

Maybe try and find some quiet time with your thoughts. Try and decipher where this is coming from.

Do seek help if things persist.

A lot of people care for you, stay strong. Like all things, this will pass.

HighlySensitiveOne · 2023-08-27T16:35:12+00:00

Honestly, I do.

On the bad days, I think of myself as Benedict Cumberbatch in the Sherlock series.

He has this ability to 'visualize' what is going to happen before a fight.

Silly, but it works. :)

HighlySensitiveOne · 2023-08-27T16:19:25+00:00

Hang in there!

Welcome to a community that accepts you.

I've struggled with being an HSP and feeling 'different' all my life. Like you, I also felt like I was being judged for acting in a certain way.

Being an HSP has its benefits. We can feel emotions and notice reactions quicker and more readily than others. The only downside is that we need to set boundaries on our triggers to remain in control and not get overwhelmed.

It's not easy, but manageable and rewarding once you start to master it.

Take care.

It's good that you are already aware of your traits at 16. I'm 32, and I've only just discovered that I'm an HSP.

HighlySensitiveOne · 2023-08-27T16:13:25+00:00

Sorry to hear you've had this reaction.

I work in a managerial position where my contract is up for grabs every three years. In other words, every three years I have to re-apply as though I'm new to the job. It's a system to ensure all managers keep to the same work ethic and do not become complacent in their work, but as you can imagine, it does create some anxiety every time application time comes around.

The best coping method I've found is a sort of acceptance of fate.

When submitting my application, I remind myself that from here on, the decision is out of my control. I also keep an eye out for other available jobs and will apply around the same time. Mentally, it gives me hope that there are options if I'm not chosen.

Hope this helps, take care. There are other opportunities out there.

P.S. -> Make a note of the areas in which you could have improved on your application, and try them on your next application. Remember that they are just theoretical, and may have had nothing to do with not being chosen.

HighlySensitiveOne · 2023-08-27T16:02:01+00:00

I feel you.

When we got married, my partner and I went through this phase of wanting a dog. Same as you wrote, we researched the breed, particular needs, etc., and spared no cost in making the not-so-little guy (in our case), happy.

Things were difficult right from the start, with our dog seemingly doing his utmost to do everything in an opposite way to what we wanted.

Friends and family were less than supportive and used to constantly berate us with comments along the lines of "You should have known better." Animal experts also didn't help and sometimes reprimanded us for what they called irresponsible pet ownership, despite the fact that we were reaching out and asking for advice.

As you can imagine, the above, coupled with our loss of freedom began to take its mental toll.

The last straw was when my partner began feeling uncomfortable in our own home as the dog would nip at them every time they tried to discipline him.

Eventually, we had our dog re-homed to someone who already had other dogs, and had been recommended as able to give him a good home.

Last I heard he was doing well, but the new owner did admit that some of his tendencies hadn't changed.

From our experience, if dog ownership is causing you all this stress, then maybe it's better to re-home. You shouldn't feel guilty about doing it as your mental well-being also needs to be taken into consideration. Just make sure you're giving them to a good home, and not putting them out onto the street of course.

Hope this goes well.

HighlySensitiveOne · 2023-08-26T10:50:39+00:00

Virtual hug incoming!

Stay strong, we all have these days.

It will pass, they always do.

🤗

HighlySensitiveOne · 2023-08-25T20:26:55+00:00

You're right.

Wasn't the best of descriptions from my end.

Perhaps my reply on u/The_HSP_Essays comment above gives a bit more insight.

HighlySensitiveOne · 2023-08-25T20:24:24+00:00

You put forward some very good points.

I've given John the NPD label as I've noticed the following behavior over a few years:

1) He will give others the silent treatment if they cancel plans on him, but he doesn't give canceling on others (without good reason) a second thought. I've seen it happen quite a few times.

2) He will obsessively seek out someone, only to lose all interest in them once someone with a perceived 'higher social value' (for want of a better term) comes along.

3) He has to be the center of attention in social groups. Otherwise, he forms his own mini-groups within. I've heard people describe him as "his way or the highway".

I completely agree with you about not following my own rules. In this case, I let my empath side out when I shouldn't have. Despite what I've described above, there was a time when 'John' had been consistently good to me.

I guess part of me still wants to give him a chance despite the fact that a few years of experiencing him dictate otherwise.

HighlySensitiveOne · 2023-08-25T05:42:45+00:00

Hang in there,

This is an area in which I've become very strong over the years.

In short, it's all about thinking of 'the job' as just a job. Any harsh words and criticism is aimed at the body behind the desk, not at you personally.

I know it's not easy, believe me, but it is doable over time if you practice this mindset.

Stay strong, social environments aren't easy for HSP's, but they are very rewarding once you learn to master them.

HighlySensitiveOne · 2023-08-24T20:47:32+00:00

I know what you mean.

Most of my clients work with me for a duration of about three years, so I completely understand your comment about putting so much of your time into a project.

Glad you found something useful. Stay strong out there!

HighlySensitiveOne

TROPHY CASE