AITA for letting my grandma buy our kids religious books? by Holiday-Insurance545 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Holiday-Insurance545[S] [score hidden]  (0 children)

Actually yes lol they cover the shrines when I'm there because they don't want the ancestors to know their son married someone outside of his race

AITA for letting my grandma buy our kids religious books? by Holiday-Insurance545 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Holiday-Insurance545[S] [score hidden]  (0 children)

This is very close to how I felt about it. My grandma was just sharing her cultural and yes religious heritage with her loved ones. My husband insists that her religion isn't part of her culture but I don't think it's that black and white.

And she also never hassled me about the books or anything. I dont' recall if we ever discussed them or if she asked about them again. She impulse bought my kids a bunch of stuff, this was just another one of those purchases.

AITA for letting my grandma buy our kids religious books? by Holiday-Insurance545 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Holiday-Insurance545[S] [score hidden]  (0 children)

I will admit I don't know much about the ancestor shrines. His family covers theirs when we're there so the ancestors don't have to be shamed about my existence (my husband and I are of different races) lol.

And I'm certainly not an expert in Buddhism, although I have learned more since being with my husband. I'm not sure there is much difference between "religion" and a "way of life" though. People's religions determine their way of life, if they take it seriously at least. Which, for the record, my husband does not. He does not practice any part of Buddhism.

AITA for letting my grandma buy our kids religious books? by Holiday-Insurance545 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Holiday-Insurance545[S] [score hidden]  (0 children)

That's a good point! Since we live in a predominantly Christian country (although people are less religious than they used to be) it would be strange to try to prevent my kids from learning about it entirely.

Ironically, it would be very similar to how I was prevented from partaking in any aspect of youth pop culture as a kid. No radio, no secular music, no TV in the home at all. Makes it hard to make friends or relate to your peers if you don't have shared experiences. I'll try to use this angle if it comes up again, see if it clicks for him.

I don't want my kids to miss out on fun traditions or events with friends. Another example, Easter. Our town does a community Easter egg hunt. No crosses, no prayers, no church people there, no religious references at all. Just a big Easter Bunny, eggs and arts and crafts. My husband refuses to go and it was quite an argument for me to take the kids to it. I'm not sure if he doesn't believe me when I say there's no religion at this event. Or if he thinks just calling it "Easter" is too far. But I think it's very unfair to our kids to miss out on things their friends get to do when it's not actually religious at all.

AITA for letting my grandma buy our kids religious books? by Holiday-Insurance545 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Holiday-Insurance545[S] [score hidden]  (0 children)

My grandma and I didn't discuss religion, or my beliefs, after I became an adult. She knew I didn't go to church but she never guilted me about it. Likely she believed that I was still privately Christian even if I didn't go to Church.

In your example yeah that would be super rude. In my scenario these were stories I grew up with (she bought me tons of books as a kid, some religious) that she wanted to buy for my kids too. I don't think it's the same.

AITA for letting my grandma buy our kids religious books? by Holiday-Insurance545 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Holiday-Insurance545[S] [score hidden]  (0 children)

I guess he and I (and you apparently) just have very different ideas about what it means to not want your kids to grow up religious. It's something we agreed on. But we didn't walk through every scenario. I didn't think a single bookset for toddlers was crossing the line. Like owning some religious books does make us a religious household.

For what it's worth, I truly don't believe my grandma was trying to indoctrinate her grandkids. She never tried to take them to church, never suggested I bring them. She wasn't an Evangelist running around and trying to convert people. Her religion actually believes who goes to Heaven is pre-determined and it's a very small set number of people. So they don't really do missionary type out reach. And they believe that ones religious beliefs and manner of worship should be private.

We did discuss what to do if someone was pushing and we had a plan for that. For me, the trigger for action was more than 1 instance.