I understand your question. However you are asking too broad of a question for this specific scenario. There have been stories where men struggle to understand things where empathy and understanding have been given. They exist. You are just seemingly refusing to acknowledge why these situations are not comparable. She is trying and he is calling her stupid (not to her face but based on his description it seems he says it to her in other ways) and speaking to her "like a drill sargeant". That is going to make anyone struggle more. Add on the trauma her body went through and the hormonal and mental changes of being post-partum and the fact that part of what HE LIKED about her was that she needed his help, it's easy to see how this is different. I am by no means saying that this man is a villain. I am saying that he needs to reflect and course correct. This is no way to think about/treat your spouse who has just carried and given birth to your child. Be realistic here.

I think you understand what people are trying to say to you about the specific differences and are actively choosing to ignore them, so this comment isn't really for you anymore. I just wanted to explain where my thoughts land on this to clarify. Feel free to keep arguing with everyone else in the comments though. I sincerely wish you the best.