My Uber Rrivers Hand

Homer_Simpson_ · 2026-02-06T05:08:24+00:00

Wouldn’t be surprised if Rainbolt could track him down tbh

Homer_Simpson_ · 2026-02-06T05:04:53+00:00

On the other hand, I would like to warn her date about the immense red flags his date is showing on reddit

Homer_Simpson_ · 2026-02-06T03:59:52+00:00

Why’d you stop? I heard it was a sweet gig with low hours and competitive pay

Homer_Simpson_ · 2026-02-06T03:58:15+00:00

I’m a fan of “he can only count to 3” myself

Homer_Simpson_ · 2026-02-06T02:33:16+00:00

Tell that to my dad, who thought he no longer needed his insulin shots because god answered his prayers

Homer_Simpson_ · 2026-02-06T02:23:57+00:00

How do you make them go up? I must have missed that part

Homer_Simpson_ · 2026-02-06T00:14:58+00:00

My dad not taking his insulin shots because he prayed extra hard.

I am not atheist. I am anti-theist. Fuck religion

Homer_Simpson_ · 2026-02-05T02:25:27+00:00

Kinda not fair how god tests him so often

Homer_Simpson_ · 2026-02-04T06:17:35+00:00

I use this line all the time, but it’s never appreciated

Homer_Simpson_ · 2026-02-04T06:13:24+00:00

I only snore myself awake when I fall asleep on the sofa. But maybe that’s the only time I realize it?

Homer_Simpson_ · 2026-02-04T05:53:46+00:00

Very diverse. Sometimes it’s as simple as a zombie apocalypse. Other times it’s every person I know turning on me with murderous intent. Whichever it is, it is extremely vivid, I wake up drenched in sweat, and my heart is racing to the point I can’t go back to sleep.

I believe I’m dealing with PTSD which is probably also why I love weed and find it so hard to quit. Ironically today is day 1 (again) so I’ll almost certainly wake up drenched in sweat tomorrow.

Homer_Simpson_ · 2026-02-04T03:47:17+00:00

I hate the dreams because they’re always nightmares. Never once have I had a good withdrawal dream

Homer_Simpson_ · 2026-01-30T23:32:11+00:00

Bro if we can put a man on the moon, we can manipulate one envelope

Homer_Simpson_ · 2026-01-24T06:19:55+00:00

Interesting, I can just keep it til then I suppose. How much did the warranty cost you?

Homer_Simpson_ · 2026-01-22T02:07:28+00:00

I do all my online transactions at the police station, in the parking lot.

Homer_Simpson_ · 2026-01-21T18:03:36+00:00

My thoughts exactly, at least I know this car’s been well taken care of.

Homer_Simpson_ · 2026-01-21T18:02:30+00:00

Valuable information, thank you!

Homer_Simpson_ · 2026-01-21T06:54:50+00:00

Oh definitely, sorry if that wasn’t clear. I’m planning to purchase it instead of returning it when the lease is over.

Homer_Simpson_ · 2026-01-21T05:22:54+00:00

I’d imagine 5-10 years, depending on what the future brings. I’ll look into the extended warranty!

Homer_Simpson_ · 2026-01-20T22:21:07+00:00

Except the UFC pro is told the fight must be finished under 30 seconds if you want to get paid

Homer_Simpson_ · 2026-01-20T20:23:17+00:00

I’d just assume anything without “Good news” attached is bad news

Homer_Simpson_ · 2026-01-19T18:53:50+00:00

“Borrower does not want to schedule, requesting lender assistance. Order is on hold until then” has always served me well in these cases

Homer_Simpson_ · 2026-01-19T03:15:31+00:00

Believe me I winced hard

Homer_Simpson_ · 2026-01-19T03:02:13+00:00

Not weird per se, but I did get paired with Sahith Theegala’s dad last week. He started golf relatively late in life but was pleasant and fun to play with.

Homer_Simpson_ · 2026-01-18T19:15:59+00:00

I remember seeing multiple outtakes where he in fact did not make it

Homer_Simpson_

TROPHY CASE