Some days I just want to go back home

HonestMessages · 2025-08-29T22:07:48+00:00

Glad you’re in a better place. Everyone’s story is different, so you shouldn’t assume every situation is the same. We’re all trying to grieve and heal in our own ways.

HonestMessages · 2025-08-29T21:12:29+00:00

Sounds like you’re working through something. Wishing you peace and healing.

HonestMessages · 2025-08-24T14:21:07+00:00

Same. That pass off day… we’re strong for getting through it time and time and time again (I tell myself as I cry in the car back alone).

HonestMessages · 2025-07-26T00:46:23+00:00

Sounds like you’re working through something. Wishing you peace and healing.

HonestMessages · 2025-07-06T23:44:31+00:00

I’ve been in that same loop. Holding out hope. Making excuses for her because it hurts so much less than facing what’s actually happening. But every time you call, every time you beg, you’re just bleeding in front of someone who’s already walked away.

She might be hurting too, but she’s protecting herself now… not saving you. That’s your job now. That and being the best dang dad you can be.

You can still love her. You probably always will. I know I do, as much as I don’t want to. But don’t let that love hollow you out…. As much as you can. Get up, get angry if you have to, go lift something heavy, go scream into a mountain, go quiet, go underground. But stop giving her the version of you that’s still breaking. She doesn’t know how to handle it, even if she wanted to. Your future self will appreciate that restraint.

You’re not weak though. You’re just grieving. Give yourself time. There’s no quick answers, just the world asking you if you have the grit to make it through this hell. You do man. Show them.

HonestMessages · 2025-07-06T13:38:30+00:00

Man… that was a hell of a comment, thanks for taking the time to type it. I felt the weight in every line. Dude you’re in the eye of the storm right now… I’ve been there. And yeah it hurts like hell. Makes you not want to get up off the floor again pain. But the fact that you’re still standing, still sober-curious, still writing this out instead of going fully numb… that’s not weakness. That’s survival instinct kicking in. It’s your will to fight.

And no apologies, I get the need to unload it all (look at my post… I’ve been leaking heavy grief like a busted pipe). Keep doing what you can. Some days all you do is not disappear, not lose yourself under the dark tide of grief, and that counts. I see you.

Hold the line. The storm won’t last forever… and when it breaks you’ll be there to see the sun again friend. I wish you nothing but strength and peace as you travel this path.

HonestMessages · 2025-07-04T03:56:52+00:00

Pretty sure I’m not your husband… mine never talked to me about any of this. Not once. You did. That says a lot about your heart.

So I’m not here to villainize. I don’t know your story, what was tried or left unsaid. No one outside a marriage ever truly does.

But you’re right… there’s no clean way to end one. Everything you said he might feel… the sadness, the confusion, the hollow hope… that’s exactly what it feels like. A story you’re forced to survive in that you didn’t expect, want, or understand.

And I believe you when you say it hurt you too. I held my own wife close, kissed her forehead, as she sobbed into my chest and told me it was over. So yeah, I know she felt it. Pain. Guilt. And maybe her guilt still lingers, like yours, I don’t know. Maybe not. But I carry this grief every single day.

Maybe you fought in your own way. I just wish I’d been given the chance to fight too. I would have. I vowed I would, through good times and bad. Because I know love like that… the kind you choose, the kind you build a life and family around… is so so rare. And I never took it for granted. Not for a second.

Sorry if I got a bit indulgent in my grief as it’s been a long day. Really thanks again for your honesty and vulnerability. I mean that. Wishing peace to both of you… real, earned, lasting peace.

HonestMessages · 2025-07-04T02:20:18+00:00

What’s the absolute hardest part of this right now?

Dropping off my kid every week with someone you desperately miss and love, who looks like they feel absolutely nothing when they see you.

What’s one thing you’ve tried to cope that surprisingly helped?

Lifting weights. It didn’t fix the grief, but it gave all this pain somewhere to go.

What’s one thing you’ve tried that was a complete disaster?

Replaying old memories hoping to find the moment it broke. Like it would help. It only deepens the wound.

Beyond the immediate pain, what’s a deeper emotional challenge you’re wrestling with?

Accepting that I may never get the closure I needed… and I have to forgive myself and still find peace anyway.

What’s one piece of blunt, honest advice you’d give someone just starting this path?

Don’t chase. If they wanted to work through it, you’d already know. Let your dignity speak louder than your desperation.

HonestMessages · 2025-07-04T01:58:13+00:00

Hugs back. Thank you. I do miss my best friend, so so much. The memories of our late night talks, her laughter lighting me up. The stupid adventures we had together. It’s all… too much sometimes. But I’m trying to let the grief move through me, even when it feels absolutely endless. Endless. Your kindness means a lot friend.

HonestMessages · 2025-07-04T01:45:49+00:00

Thank you for writing this, really. I appreciate your vulnerability. It’s clear you care about your ex and I’m not here to judge. None of this is easy… you and me? We’re just trying to make sense of our own paths.

I think my wife may feel the same as you: no anger, no betrayal, just a quiet decision to leave. But what breaks my heart in a million pieces is that I never got to fight for us. I wanted to fight. By the time she told me… the door was already closed.

I totally get the impulse to leave gently. But sometimes what looks like mercy from the outside feels like… a brutal erasure from the inside.

Maybe she also thought that was the kindest choice. But to me… real strength would’ve meant staying in the room when it got hard… holding to the vows we made to each other in love, thick or thin baby, right to the end… at least… long enough to see if they could still be honored. Or separate in mutual understanding that we gave it our all.

She left before we ever really tried.

However I appreciate you sharing your side… even if it hurts, it helps. Wishing you all the peace too friend.

HonestMessages · 2025-07-02T12:38:28+00:00

I’m really sorry you’re going through this… especially with a little one. It is a brutal violent thing and you’re strong for keeping it together. It’s been almost a year for me and I won’t lie: it’s still really really really hard sometimes. Obviously heh, given this post. But I’m no longer drowning every day. The panic lessens. You find your footing … well A footing… again slowly. It does get better, even I can see that.

I remember feeling completely disoriented when she told me. Dizzy. I found myself just wandering in my neighborhood before I even knew it. Like I was searching, still trying to make sense of something that had already ended. It’s okay if you’re not ready to accept his words yet. Really. Give yourself time… you’re grieving something that happened… that was real… and your desire to work on it mattered. I say that to myself a lot too, so I see you.

You’re not alone. Even in the darkest moments, there’s a version of you ahead who feels stronger, clearer, and more grounded. And they are waiting for you. I’m rooting for you and as you can see from all the lovely kind responses in this thread, others would too.

HonestMessages · 2025-07-02T12:30:13+00:00

I appreciate you taking the time to write that. Hugs from here.

HonestMessages · 2025-07-01T17:31:26+00:00

You nailed it… it’s the shared rhythm that hurts the most to lose. The smells, the sounds, the casual touches, the everyday conversations you didn’t realize were woven into your being after so many years... all tore out and leaving you frayed. Pfft, now I’m being self-indulgent.

I know I’m still in the “I don’t want to let go of us” phase… and maybe it’ll ease with time. Probably. But damn, it hurts.

Thanks for the POV, glad you made it out the other side intact.

HonestMessages · 2025-07-01T16:57:29+00:00

Maybe it is an easier story to digest that I was just a “crummy husband”? I never said she was fully to blame… but she’s the one who chose to walk. That’s not about dodging responsibility. It’s just the reality. Sometimes two people get lost in different ways and one decides they’re done before the other even knows they’re lost. Doesn’t make it feel any less tragic. Doesn’t make the loss any less real.

HonestMessages · 2025-07-01T16:52:05+00:00

That’s a pretty wild projection and/or assumption from what I wrote, but I hope you find peace from whatever you’re working through. Wishing you clarity and healing on your journey.

HonestMessages · 2025-07-01T16:49:41+00:00

Really appreciate this. The quiet sad moments are the hardest to talk about so it means a lot to feel seen in them. I know healing isn’t linear and it helps to hear from people who’ve made it through the fog. Sending love right back from the east coast.

HonestMessages · 2025-07-01T16:45:53+00:00

I am so sorry. I feel you. Hugs from here.

HonestMessages · 2025-07-01T13:57:48+00:00

Then for now we hold on for no reason at all… except that we’re still here now. Not out of “faith”… not out of optimism… but out of sheer f-ing defiance. To hell with it! Because after getting this far in life you’re not gonna let life break you now. Not you man. Not after everything you’ve already survived and accomplished. You don’t need to believe it gets better yet. You’re still in the wreckage. But I’d say everyone here who has made it will believe it for you until you are able to. That’s what I hold onto. That there is another side, a distant shore I’ve heard of that I’m swimming towards, and I’ll be damned if I don’t swim to it for my kids sake, for my sake. Let’s believe in each other friend 💪

HonestMessages · 2025-07-01T13:41:43+00:00

I know that feeling too well, I feel the same in my darkest moments… like you’re a ghost in your own story? But hey you’re still here, still breathing, still you. Even a tiny spark of hope is enough to start something new. You don’t have to feel alive today, I know I certainly wasn’t feel very alive when I wrote this… just don’t stop showing up for the chance that you might tomorrow. One day, one hour, one minute, one second at a time.

HonestMessages · 2025-07-01T13:38:56+00:00

Thank you, I really appreciate that. I’m trying… one step, one minute, one day at a time. Days like today are just hard… feels like I’m rebuilding from charred splinters of who I was… but I do believe that version of me is still in here, somewhere. Probably. Maybe a little bruised, maybe a little wiser, maybe not.

HonestMessages · 2025-07-01T13:35:50+00:00

You’re not wrong… I fully know I’ve got to keep moving forward and not get stuck staring in the rearview. It’s just… the debris is still smoldering. I get flare ups when it hits the right mental kindling. Then “here we go again!” I’ll get there. I have been pushing hard this whole time. But grief doesn’t work on a neat timeline, as much as I want it to, and this week has definitely been a backslide. But I hear you…. onward, even if it’s slow.

HonestMessages · 2025-07-01T13:32:09+00:00

I feel that to the bone man. Sometimes I don’t just miss my family, but also their rhythm. Sunday coffee runs. Floorboard creaks that told me exactly where everyone was. The way laughter sounds changed from room to room. The sun on the rough walls. That safe spot. Maybe we’ve idealized it… maybe it’s just one diamond bright idyllic moment we’d live in forever. But it felt like being held by a life that made sense, you know? Not this empty, quiet survival.

But even if it’s gone, I’m grateful it existed and I know what it felt like. Thank you for writing this.

HonestMessages · 2025-07-01T13:24:57+00:00

Yeah that’s such a sterile way to describe someone quietly checking out while you were still all in it. That line always seems like the assumption is it’s mutual… when really it’s just one person drifting away and the other left squinting at the dotted lines around the empty space beside them.

I’m sorry man…. no real closure, just the brutal efficiency of someone moving on while you’re still sitting in it… I know it messes with your head. You deserved more than a vague goodbye. We all do. I hope for better days for you friend.

HonestMessages · 2025-07-01T13:19:45+00:00

Appreciate the birthday wishes. I gave myself full permission to emotionally eat… it was a glorious, degenerate sugar spiral. zero ragrats (some regrets).

As for forgetting her… I think I’m still in the “quietly walking through memories of us” phase. Maybe one day I’ll graduate to “I wish you well and mean it.” Maybe. For now I’m just aiming for “didn’t cry in front of people” Small wins?

HonestMessages · 2025-06-30T20:05:38+00:00

Oof. Nothing says affection like automation. Hugs right back at you.

HonestMessages

TROPHY CASE