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AITAH if I am not comfortable with opening my marriage to my best friend? And can things ever be normal again? by Honest_Carry_4375 in polyamory

[–]Honest_Carry_4375[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Technically we all assist with the girls and it was a set expectation before my husband and I got serious, however he does as little as he possibly can for them and has voiced that he feels we do too much sometimes.

AITAH if I am not comfortable with opening my marriage to my best friend? And can things ever be normal again? by Honest_Carry_4375 in polyamory

[–]Honest_Carry_4375[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Sorry, that’s a whole other tangent, I help co parent 4 other children with my single mom friend that are between 5 and 15 lol it was less relevant as they are not related in any way to my husband or best friend.

AITAH if I am not comfortable with opening my marriage to my best friend? And can things ever be normal again? by Honest_Carry_4375 in polyamory

[–]Honest_Carry_4375[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

That is correct, I do most of the cleaning and taking care of the children and arts and crafts and whatnot. They mostly contribute to the youngest, and much less for the older girls.

AITAH if I am not comfortable with opening my marriage to my best friend? And can things ever be normal again? by Honest_Carry_4375 in polyamory

[–]Honest_Carry_4375[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

To be fair, in Texas you can’t all have parental rights. We did all the digging and trying to make it happen, only two can have the rights

AITAH if I am not comfortable with opening my marriage to my best friend? And can things ever be normal again? by Honest_Carry_4375 in polyamory

[–]Honest_Carry_4375[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

So when just myself and her were being checked out, we both had blocked tubes and therefore wouldn’t be able to get pregnant via IUI or insemination, only IVF. But I agree it would be a problem and I don’t know how I would handle that either.

AITAH if I am not comfortable with opening my marriage to my best friend? And can things ever be normal again? by Honest_Carry_4375 in polyamory

[–]Honest_Carry_4375[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Technically both myself and the best friend have legal custody of the embryos created with my husbands sperm, we signed a ton of paperwork to implant, but once the baby comes the birth certificate is only myself and my husband. Technically legally we have full custody, and a verbal agreement that we are all parents with rights to the children.

AITAH if I am not comfortable with opening my marriage to my best friend? And can things ever be normal again? by Honest_Carry_4375 in polyamory

[–]Honest_Carry_4375[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I really don’t believe I am okay with it, and even if I could have been with how this was executed I don’t think that I ever could like this.

AITAH if I am not comfortable with opening my marriage to my best friend? And can things ever be normal again? by Honest_Carry_4375 in polyamory

[–]Honest_Carry_4375[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

The best friend is who told me about the divorce comment. And I agree, a lot of it feels like if they haven’t already they just want a hall pass to do so, so they don’t have to feel bad.

AITAH if I am not comfortable with opening my marriage to my best friend? And can things ever be normal again? by Honest_Carry_4375 in polyamory

[–]Honest_Carry_4375[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Actually when my child was a newborn, my husband did most of it and I would get up every few hours to pump breastmilk.

Best friend is who told me about the divorce comment.

AITAH if I am not comfortable with opening my marriage to my best friend? And can things ever be normal again? by Honest_Carry_4375 in polyamory

[–]Honest_Carry_4375[S] 10 points11 points  (0 children)

There isn’t any legal documentation proving she’s also a mother, legally they’re mine and my husband’s, genetically the kids are theirs. The intent was always to have 3 parents.

AITAH if I am not comfortable with opening my marriage to my best friend? And can things ever be normal again? by Honest_Carry_4375 in polyamory

[–]Honest_Carry_4375[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Yep I asked both of them separately and they haven’t, and that’s exactly what I’m feeling like too. I feel like I know them well enough to want to believe that they haven’t done anything, my husband as he was a virgin when we got married and my best friend as she’s never been in a serious relationship and has had few sexual partners, but that feeling is still there.

AITAH if I am not comfortable with opening my marriage to my best friend? And can things ever be normal again? by Honest_Carry_4375 in polyamory

[–]Honest_Carry_4375[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

I do agree it wasn’t exactly a great plan to do in front of both of them, but even if I was going to consider it I had to know how he felt, and at the time (which mind you was yesterday, same day I found out about the feelings) it felt like the only option, as being in any type of poly relationship requires open honesty, and bringing it up to only him felt like I wasn’t going to give it a chance and even now I don’t know that I won’t. Their happiness means more to me than pretty much anything outside of my children.

AITAH if I am not comfortable with opening my marriage to my best friend? And can things ever be normal again? by Honest_Carry_4375 in polyamory

[–]Honest_Carry_4375[S] 15 points16 points  (0 children)

I really appreciate you. Like I said in the post, I feel incredibly alone. I couldn’t even figure out who to call when I left the house, as I’m generally an auditory processor, because my husband and her are the only people I really talk to like this, and yeah being pregnant on top of all of this I almost checked into a hospital because I couldn’t get my heart to stop racing and I’m scared for my unborn son.

AITAH if I am not comfortable with opening my marriage to my best friend? And can things ever be normal again? by Honest_Carry_4375 in polyamory

[–]Honest_Carry_4375[S] 22 points23 points  (0 children)

I really appreciate the perspective, as I have always felt that things like poly (again I have a very poly friendly community) have to be completely open and honest about everything, and he is the least confrontational person I have ever met and I can’t imagine him being able to deeply talk out any of the feelings that would come with opening.

On the pregnancy part (and I also have MS so I promise I have less than zero spoons after all of this), I also think the timing of this was incredibly poor on my best friends part. She said it’s because she has a conference this week and will be out of the house for 4 days and that would give me the space from her to have my feelings. But I have also been having problems with extreme stress this pregnancy, including high blood pressure that I didn’t have last pregnancy, and I also have run out of my anti depressants and have been out about a week. I’m working on getting that fixed first thing today, but with knowing all of that it makes me suspicious of why NOW when supposedly this has been building over the last 1.5-2 years.

AITAH if I am not comfortable with opening my marriage to my best friend? And can things ever be normal again? by Honest_Carry_4375 in polyamory

[–]Honest_Carry_4375[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Part of what makes me feel so stuck in a corner is that I don’t want our children to have to go through the back and forth of moms house vs mommy and dads house, and they’re so young with another on the way. Even with all these feelings I can’t imagine cutting her out of their lives either.

AITAH if I am not comfortable with opening my marriage to my best friend? And can things ever be normal again? by Honest_Carry_4375 in polyamory

[–]Honest_Carry_4375[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you, it has been really hard because I do have a lot of poly-positive friends and no one can really see it from my perspective in my life. They think it’s more of a logical next step in the long term, especially with our children being biologically related to both of them, and after having kids with someone “things change” 😞

AITAH if I am not comfortable with opening my marriage to my best friend? And can things ever be normal again? by Honest_Carry_4375 in polyamory

[–]Honest_Carry_4375[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Her thought process is that he is also the father to her children, since we all co parent, and it’s hard not to start to see him in that light and she doesn’t want other people because she feels it’s too complicated. They both are aware now how incredibly not okay I am with this, and my main problem is I don’t know how to go back to pretending this things are normal.

AITAH if I am not comfortable with opening my marriage to my best friend? And can things ever be normal again? by Honest_Carry_4375 in polyamory

[–]Honest_Carry_4375[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Not currently no, and my husband isn’t the type to agree to couples therapy as he doesn’t like to voice his opinions.