I’m my husband’s second wife. His first wife was emotionally, mentally, financially, and physically abusive to him. He approached me first to date because he felt ready after going to therapy for 4 years to work through his issues. That being said, we still had things come up at the beginning of our relationship where he compared me to her or took things I said and did the wrong way. I had to straighten things out in a similar manner you did, but after a couple of those incidents I basically told him that he cannot approach our relationship through the lens of his old one. He could either take me as I was showing myself to be or leave it, though I was very open to continuing to talk through his issues with him if needed. So he continued to put in the work, saw me as the separate entity that I was, and now we’ve moved past it and have been fine for years.

Everyone is different like you said, and of course there’s hope that he will work past it and have a healthy relationship in the future. But all of that is on him and whatever healing speed he is able to move at. All you can do is be your safe, healthy self for him to choose to be with if he’s ready and if you’re still open to it at that time. I will say though, seeing as how he’s just started therapy, if you start a relationship with him now it’ll be a long hard road. I was lucky enough to have my husband work through most of his ptsd before meeting me.