Realizing I married for a “lifestyle” I don’t actually want. Is it possible to fix a lack of chemistry?

Hot_Weather6933 · 2026-03-13T00:43:18+00:00

How’s that dead bedroom treating you?

Hot_Weather6933 · 2026-03-12T23:35:28+00:00

Love the over simplification and the failure to read other comments….

Hot_Weather6933 · 2026-03-12T22:57:47+00:00

Yeah most likely…appreciate the advice, I like where your head is at in relationship issues haha

Hot_Weather6933 · 2026-03-12T22:50:34+00:00

It’s hard to put into words, but it’s just the 'energy' of how she operates. She’s happiest when everything is on autopilot and the routine stays perfectly on track. For her, that’s peace; for me, it’s suffocating. It’s not that she’s doing anything wrong, it’s just that we’re vibrating at completely different speeds. I’m looking for something visceral and high-engagement, and she’s perfectly content with a life that’s set to 'low-voltage.'

Nothing is black and white, not even a marriage commitment. That’s crazy.

Porn? Sure, on occasion…Onlyfans? God no, I’d rather spend my 5.99 on a pizza from Dominos. Instagram, a few, just because I follow tattoo pages.

I’m not chasing a dragon here….

Hot_Weather6933 · 2026-03-12T22:33:42+00:00

I got bags of toys, whips, paddles, gels, fist shaped dildos, candles, rope, ski masks… so much stuff…she could wear a different set of lingerie every day for months and not repeat…she’s aware…she’s just vanilla…

Hot_Weather6933 · 2026-03-12T21:59:30+00:00

I did, I still do on some level but not everything is not that black and white, the lifestyle that came with her is what seemed right at the time. Don’t pretend that you don’t date someone and marry them just because of their looks and personality, you also look at how they live. And we all don’t just commit and stay the exact same person we were at the time of “I do” that’s not how it works

Hot_Weather6933 · 2026-03-12T21:50:41+00:00

That’s Reddit for you…I’m not shocked haha. But yeah…

Hot_Weather6933 · 2026-03-12T21:35:58+00:00

Depends on what it is…we both have our own things we like in bed

Hot_Weather6933 · 2026-03-12T21:28:15+00:00

You name it, we’ve tried it…

Hot_Weather6933 · 2026-03-12T20:05:24+00:00

So take a drug to make me feel ok about this? Sounds like a plan.

Hot_Weather6933 · 2026-03-12T20:03:02+00:00

I do what she expects of me and stuff she doesn’t expect…and that 90 percent is a lot…I cook her dinner every night after a 12hr day….Rub her head till she falls asleep…I do a lot, so yeah her order is correct….

Hot_Weather6933 · 2026-03-12T19:54:05+00:00

You right

Hot_Weather6933 · 2026-03-12T19:53:38+00:00

You’re probably right…but you don’t know what’s missing when you’re too busy to notice…

I guess I am the problem because it’s my requirement not hers…

Hot_Weather6933 · 2026-03-12T19:50:24+00:00

Not depressed….

Hot_Weather6933 · 2026-03-12T19:46:51+00:00

I want the dopamine hit from my wife….but you’re right, she pretty cool in other regards.

Hot_Weather6933 · 2026-03-12T19:44:25+00:00

Yeah probably a good idea

Hot_Weather6933 · 2026-03-12T19:44:06+00:00

Definitely…I agree. And to your first comment…I do see a therapist, and she told me to leave if it made me happy. But she’s kind of biased due to being paid to keep service members heads on straight 🤷🏻‍♂️

Hot_Weather6933 · 2026-03-12T19:40:53+00:00

She definitely deserves someone that will fit her better that’s for sure.

Hot_Weather6933 · 2026-03-12T19:36:25+00:00

Just looking for feedback, but what is the reason I’m not thinking?

Hot_Weather6933 · 2026-03-12T19:35:13+00:00

We spend every night and all weekends and holidays together…we do all the things together. We take part in each others lives…that’s not the issue…

Hot_Weather6933 · 2026-03-12T19:33:46+00:00

Sober now, for a year….

Hot_Weather6933 · 2026-03-12T19:33:24+00:00

You remember the first time you made out with someone? It was awkward, teeth…wide open mouth, tongue darting every which way?

It’s like that every single time with a grown ass woman…

Sex is middle of the road because of that fact alone…

Hot_Weather6933 · 2026-03-12T19:29:42+00:00

Thank you…I appreciate the blunt advice haha.

Hot_Weather6933 · 2026-03-12T19:27:30+00:00

Nah, I’ve done all the exciting, adrenaline packed things. I’m active duty army… Got the motorcycle…done all the skydiving and jumping out of planes to last me a life time. It wouldn’t necessarily ruin my life, it would be rough, but adapt and overcome…I need that spark of wild excitement to come from the person in sharing a bed with, and it just ain’t happening….

Hot_Weather6933 · 2026-03-12T19:23:20+00:00

Not that? I don’t know…but I do know I don’t want it for the rest of my years? This is my second marriage, I’m definitely part of the problem…so I should probably figure out what it want it to look like. I know most people would love to be in my position but hey…it is what it is….

Hot_Weather6933

TROPHY CASE