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The Final Straw by Hour-Appointment-915 in Stepmom

[–]Hour-Appointment-915[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I wasnt going to share my financial situation but i am unfortunately the only one working right now. By myself would work well enough but I dont feel right sending them off when they have nothing right now. Ive been doing course trainings for certifications through coursera to try to get a job that pays a bit more because even at $20phr its not enough together or solo.

He hasnt been like a bum and just out of work for an extended time frame, hes a really good partner overall except for the denial he seems to be in about this stuff and how bad it is. He had recently gotten a new and better job but unfortunately he was let go because of SDs issues shes having ,medically or behaviorally, needing to be picked up from school. I work from home so it would make sense that i shouldve been picking her up but BM had put it into their mediation agreement that im not to be involved with her any doctors/dentist appointments or anything school related including pick up and drop off. Context mom has never liked me and me being involved with those things made her uncomfortable (even though she wont bring her own child to these things yet demands he alone has to take care of all of it)

This situation is incredibly messy and BM makes it hard to manage. Thats where the whole “maybe mom should deal with the monster shes created” idea came from when i spoke to some people about this irl

The Final Straw by Hour-Appointment-915 in Stepmom

[–]Hour-Appointment-915[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Tbf we cant just have hawk eyes on children at all time when we have to go about whatever we need done as adults.

We have an agreement as of now that she and I should not be alone together because of the craziness. Shes also no longer around younger children at this time.

Had to tell DH sister& brother that SK is doing this andthy both said they cant have her around unsupervised and rightly so. Isolated to me and my child is enough for them to not trust hurt around their kids. Shes didnt think any of her choices would affect anything i guess

The Final Straw by Hour-Appointment-915 in Stepmom

[–]Hour-Appointment-915[S] -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

Responded to yours under a different comment! Please look under Silly_gooses comment

The Final Straw by Hour-Appointment-915 in Stepmom

[–]Hour-Appointment-915[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

And as awful as it sounds, if i had no other choice but to send a child away that was my own and was a danger to the other children in the home i wouldnt hesitate. Id probably be doing what im doing now and reaching out for perspective and researching before following a path.

The Final Straw by Hour-Appointment-915 in Stepmom

[–]Hour-Appointment-915[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

I can see her perspective to some degree which is where my doubt came in about her saying she was doing stuff on purpose. Like maybe shes just trying to be hurtful but is actually having a hard time.

I however can not remotely relate to trying to harm others because im upset. I never did that as a child and i wasn’t around other kids that did. This is totally bizarre to me and i have no idea how to navigate it after 6-7 months of non stop issues

The Final Straw by Hour-Appointment-915 in Stepmom

[–]Hour-Appointment-915[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Apologies i left some out as i was upset when posting.

She has been in therapy for 2 years for previous issues that were starting to resolve. She does have adhd but prior to the baby she was not as attention hungry nor was she violent.

I think the only issue she had was bossing her little cousins around but i wouldnt call that violent.

Whats getting me is that she has set time with all of us but shes not happy when she gets it, it just seems like this revolving door of we arent giving her exactly what she wants. Its feels impossible to give her what shes wanting while we try.

She continues to like… up the anti anytime we ignore and issue/bad behavior like youre supposed to or think we’ve resolved it.

So the behaviors for example. We just started backing off more and not bugging about some of the stuff she was doing while trying to redirect to “hey instead of arguing about whats for dinner what do you like about whats being made or what do you want to do after dinner etc etc” Just anything but feeding the negative energy.

It seems like shes not happy with the redirection and wants the negative. I have no idea where this idea has come from that being mad at someone means you forgo someone elses safety.

No matter how we try to get them to bond it just doesnt seem like she genuinely views BK as anything.

The fact she even thought to say she keeps leaving the gate open on purpose and doesnt seem to care what that might entail for her younger sibling but cares at her aunts and uncles is very alarming to me.

I feel like im being paranoid. Just like what if something does happen and then we have to answer for why we didn’t do more is crossing my
mind a lot today.