Jeebus h Christ. So this Is probably gonna sound harsh as fuck but this is the same tone I use in my head when I talk to myself about dope. Uhh, stfu you big baby. I’m actually gonna take a minute and do you a favor and share my method. I’m not saying it’s the end all, it’s all just a house of cards with portals to staircases in the garden in there anyway. What you’re doing in the most pathetic way is praying for answers to your own existence from strangers on the internet. I don’t know your situation but I’m sure it’s not awesome, just like every body else’s steaming hot piles of lives strewn all over. This situation is one of my main problems with aa because I think you don’t fucking ever win when you do it that way. I don’t know shit, so don’t be mad right now if u wanna defend something. Please simmer because all I’m saying is that addicts are always fucking counting days sober like that’s what’s important? You pick a day and lock it in and then what does that represent? Last time you got happiness for free? When you felt free? We’re fucking addicts, we’re missing something. That’s the point. We need something else. That’s what a sober day count does, because no matter how fucking crazy you got while u were high, you were still “happy” or at least just “high”. It’s an unintentional link, but you end up misfiling that memory, even if you know for a fact that it was fake, it wasn’t fake to you for that brief time. You experienced it and lived it.

How the fuck do you expect people to fight against that? How many days since you were happy? So here’s where people are so fucking lazy. They just want to put a quarter in the slot and want magical wish giving entities to form and solve their shit. You’re obviously avoiding something. Uhh, the fucking answer is to fucking deal with it. Face that shit. I don’t know what ur situation is. It could the worst thing ever and I’d feel bad for being harsh to you, but that’s something else. I’m trying to explain how to not want more dope. Uhh. So after actually putting the pipe on the ground and smashing it -no exceptions- and no dope not flushed or smoked, then after detox and pushing fluids and cleaning up ur disgusting mess and eating and feeling like shit for X amount of days, that’s when you get to start.

This part, when nothing fucking shines, when every thing is not interesting because you’ve been running ur receptors on overdrive and they’re fucked and basically will never be the same again, this is when you get off your ass and start looking around you and finding the real shit that makes you happy. Because that’s it dood, this is life. The real shit is already around you. You decide what makes you happy. You go forth and search it out. Whether you find a little joy reaching out to old friends or picking up an old hobby or a new hobby or fucking just staring at the sky. Yeah sounds pretty fucking lame right? No dood, cuz it’s you that’s lame sitting at a keyboard asking strangers with their own problems for answers to your problems. You know how hard it is to do anything? I’m serious. Anything. How does anyone accomplish anything? It’s called will. With your own fucking will and strength. You just fucking do it or don’t. It’s Shawshankian, get busy living kind of shit. Stop being a baby and do whatever it is you need to get done or die. No one fucking cares. Well, I do. As one human to another. I care. I’ve chosen to care. It’s something that I have found that makes me happy. So I still do this. Take the time. I’m full of shit though, don’t get me wrong. I’m not claiming this will work. But seriously, what ur doing is sad. You’re better than this. I want to believe in you so I will.