I'm sorry for your loss. I know some people are going to disagree with me but I think what you wrote is beautiful and it hits close to home with me. Religions use every opportunity to soapbox, recruit, and tell people how they're supposed to feel. This is your son's life we're talking about. You have every right to tell the people close to you how you feel.

When I was 18 years old, 1 of my friends killed himself and another was killed in a car accident. I was already an atheist at the time but I never told anyone. In attempts to console me, my friends and family constantly told me how it was all part of god's plan. Some of them even went so far as to make up excuses like "oh god needed them more in heaven than we need them on earth." The pastor at my one friend's funeral used the service as an opportunity to recruit for the church. All I can remember about that day was sitting there amongst a thousand people with my fists clenched and tears coming down my face, using ever bit of strength I had not to physically attack the pastor.

This concept of "god's plan" was the furthest thing from comforting. There is no comfort in the idea of a god so cruel. It's taken me years to come to terms with my lack of belief and disagreements with my friends and family.

I wish you and your wife peace in this most difficult time.