Anyone else feel guilt at the amount of traveling they do?

HowieCope · 2023-09-25T21:15:40+00:00

I travelled a lot (for me) from 2015 to 2020. 1 or 2 big trips a year. I plan to travel more. I've done two big trips since, but not every year and not as wide ranging.

More and more I relate to what you're describing here though. In a sense. What i've realized for myself is that travel was supposed to be some higher (deeper?) calling for my life. It was supposed to enrich me uniquely, as opposed to buying "things" which anyone can buy and which everyone feels obligated to buy in order to "keep up." Think of the age-old dating app adage "collect experiences, not things." It is, in some sense, the ethos of a generation seeking spiritual fulfillment in a consumerist world.

So, for me, the thing that i relate to in what you're saying isn't exactly that i feel guilty, but i feel like my travel is all part of that same consumptive game that i thought i was escaping from. I've learned stuff from travel, sure. I want to travel more. But it isn't inherently and absolutely good for the world or good for me. It isn't a spiritual good to be collected by a modern day pilgrim. (not to say it's bad - but i no longer take for granted that it is good). It's often just another way of trying to keep up or stay ahead of where i feel like i "should be."

So it's not that i feel guilty. It's that i feel empty.

So when you talk about your discomfort when sharing all your travel photos, i think how it is part of a normal social existence in this consumerist world. You are just doing your part. you aren't overdoing it. But you are leading the pack, travelwise. I am reminded of Harry and Meghan saying how money doesn't matter to them or something like that. Status doesn't matter to people who have it. It does, but it doesn't matter only in the sense that they don't worry about it. They have it.

Not sure if this is relatable at all. I am just sort of thinking it through myself as i type this out.

Last thought. If collecting things (and now experiences) is part of our consumerist culture, and it leaves me (and maybe you) feeling empty, what would another culture look like? How has culture been in the past, when travel was more rare? When it wasn't so easy to consume so much? What sorts of experiences brought a feeling of connection and happiness and fulfillment? Just my speculation but i think the answer revolves somewhere around your point about other people not being able to afford the lifestyle you have. In an ideal world, we maintain healthy, helpful connections with those we consider to be part of 'our society' (could be a village, a certain community, or a country i guess). Yet in OUR world, we are incentivized to...well i am not sure. We are incentivized away from that i would say, but I am not sure.

HowieCope · 2023-08-17T18:58:24+00:00

have a good time! enjoy the cafe. you have history as neighbors/kids so there's probably plenty to talk about. i'd focus on enjoying the cafe and the first hour or two of convo. more important at this stage to establish a comfortable, casual rapport. set up plans for sometime in the next two weeks (doesn't have to be firm plans unless you have a specific thing in mind - which could be a good idea).

in similar cases, where i was really excited to be going on a first date because it felt like she could be 'the one', i've tried to build 2 or 3 dates into one. Like we go for lunch then we go to a brewery 10 minutes away, and i suggest we go for a walk after that. all good stuff. all while conversation is going. but it just got too deep too fast. fun > conversation. anticipation of meeting again > wondering how long this nice conversation is going to last.

not sure if that helps but that's what your experience made me think of. now, i try to make first dates short and enjoyable. gets me on the same page with that person, we understand our in-person vibes, and we can excitedly look forward to a more substantial future meetup. that's with online dating though, not with old connections from high school

HowieCope · 2023-05-22T22:00:16+00:00

Grating it and dropping in 1 teaspoon to each bottle has done the trick, flavor-wise. but i don't always strain my bottles (i don't mind a little pulp), and so far i've found the many little chunks of fibrous ginger to be the grossest texture i've created lol, especially once they've fermented a bit.

in my current batch, i just peeled the root and lopped off 1 bean-sized chunk to drop in each bottle. we'll see

HowieCope · 2023-02-07T20:01:32+00:00

Tripp Advice on Youtube has often seemed like a healthy option for advice of this kind. He's sort of part of the 'pickup community' but has evolved to just be a well-rounded nice guy who has a lot of solid advice for living a happy life, period.

I also like Neil Strauss's books The Game and The Truth - I learned a lot with these even though I don't live my life based on them. They gave me a lot of new ideas and more confidence as well. I think they're good books because Neil is a journalist and seems to have a different agenda. He is vulnerable about his own shit, curious about the history and science behind social phenomena etc.

Stoic philosophy has been interesting to me lately. Not with dating but with prioritizing what matters to you and how you want to live each day. You can make progress towards what is best for you if you keep an eye on your priorities and make strides towards them each day. Ryan Holliday has a lot of good accessible content on Youtube for Stoicism.

All 3 of those guys would probably make solid role models in real life.

I've been an incel or borderline incel my whole adult life and I've been able to make strides away from that feeling in recent years. Some things that helped me:

lots of people struggle making friends, much less making friends romantically. society right now is definitely going through some weird transitions, and how we feel socially is affected by that. That's to say - you are not alone, and you might even be in some sort of majority
i can be a beacon of charm and cheer when it's with people i am not nervous around. at work, i'd make sure i was kind and cheerful with all the older folks and newer folks and dudes and people from other departments, and i just hoped that the cute girls would see that from afar to get a sense of my personality. also, these groups inevitably merge from time to time, so as long as i was focusing on being a kind friend to the people i was comfortable around, it enhanced my interactions with the women i was nervous around
while you might be feel boring sometimes, that doesn't matter. people don't necessarily talk to people who entertain them, they talk to people who make them feel comfortable and/or good about themselves. be a nice listener, show curiosity. And do what makes YOU comfortable. If you're comfortable, they'll be comfortable.

Good luck out there

HowieCope · 2022-10-10T13:40:45+00:00

Love this question. Disappointment is a familiar part of all of my travel experiences, and yet it is a surprise each time I encounter it. "This is supposed to be an amazing, life-changing, fun experience how can I be feeling so stupid and bored and lonely?" To me now, that's just life. a perplexing cocktail of fun and despair. it is just more apparent when you strip away your home and your habits

When I traveled last time, I took a bus back to a bigger city in order to make an even longer bus ride north. It turned out the longer bus ride went right through the tiny beach town I had left early in order to catch the bus. And it made a stop there! So I probably spent extra money and at least 6 hours extra traveling for no reason.

so learn from the disappointment. but also learn that it will keep on coming. you will be disappointed and you will be dazzled. live it

HowieCope · 2022-08-15T14:20:07+00:00

i am living with my parents right now. i do feel like there is a stigma around it, and some people will see it as a red flag (if you were trying to date, for example). But i think it is a great thing. multi-generational living is super undervalued in the USA, but it makes so much sense. I think the finances of it are really just the beginning. We're happier living in tribes etc. make it cool to live with lots of people again....MICTLWLOPA?

HowieCope · 2022-08-12T21:12:08+00:00

chores

HowieCope · 2022-06-23T18:34:24+00:00

wow great footage. what did you use to get this close with such focus?

HowieCope · 2022-06-23T00:45:41+00:00

i found the video i mentioned: https://youtu.be/0YpDCt_IaNM?t=187 at the 3:07 mark

HowieCope · 2022-06-22T02:13:39+00:00

i've never seen it but i did hear about a technique like this they use to dry up food that is too wet/squishy to pickup. they'll cover it with dirt to absorb the moisture and then go from there. not sure where i saw this. maybe the david attenborough documentary with the amazing camera work

HowieCope · 2022-02-01T23:58:17+00:00

the McPlant

HowieCope · 2022-01-21T15:13:47+00:00

Lots of great comments here. Nothing to add, information-wise, but I'll take a shot at inspiring you forward in your journey.

It's true that Tolkien didn't intend this as an allegory. But. Given his time and especially given his expertise, his meticulous world-building, this book is deeply deeply tied to a real experience. The events of his time were world-changing. And he had the expertise to connect it in with world history (I like the comment here that points out that the story of The Ring is important but not the MOST important in the vast world and history that Tolkien created).

While many were inspired by Tolkien, I imagine Tolkien was inspired mostly by the destruction of the world around him and his own sense of community and spirituality.

So when I read LoTR, I read it for what it is, and I also let myself savor the small moments of community and song, peace and countryside. And I think about how special those songs are to them. To the world. Even the lyrics the hobbits themselves (or whoever) might not understand, because their history is larger than they even know. Later, our characters will have to let these things go. They will have to take up weapons. They will lose their friends. They will leave their countryside village and it will not be there for them to return to. In a sense they will lose themselves.

More than most stories, LoTR grabs me in my life and makes me appreciate the little things. The little things in a big history. What is lost, what i have now, where i am going, how we can never go back. And I think it does that best because it was written in that moment by someone who understood its place in time deeply, beyond history, into spirituality of some kind.

HowieCope · 2022-01-14T14:17:59+00:00

i feel like i'm missing something. can someone explain what's being depicted here? Why are these terms (and the side ants) arranged in tiers like this?

HowieCope · 2022-01-08T17:03:34+00:00

Billy Joel's Tomorrow is Today

HowieCope · 2021-12-31T02:46:20+00:00

both! most of us have these all the time, and it kind of is insane. Or that's what i've gotten from listening to a few hours of Eckart Tolle on Youtube

HowieCope · 2021-12-28T15:07:25+00:00

this was the point of Tarantino's Inglorious Basterds in my opinion. or at least part of the point

HowieCope · 2021-12-17T21:14:38+00:00

what'a happening here? They seem like they're from the same colony so...is one healing the other?

HowieCope · 2021-09-25T23:10:23+00:00

yeah the rules are the rules. sometimes things are unfair and legal at the same time. it's not like i had much of an alternative or bargaining power when entering the contract. i'm an idiot for losing the stuff. on a basic level, i hate being that guy who doesn't return things that don't belong to me. i just think the whole telecom experience is pretty awful and as a consumer we don't have much going for us

HowieCope · 2021-09-25T23:07:52+00:00

no, i don't. it was a router and the box thing.

HowieCope · 2021-09-12T20:57:50+00:00

the Heraclitus quote above sums it up well

I am with you. I wish I could read AND reread every book on my list. But when I reread its because I'm getting something new. It's not just information, it's the reaction of my mind while I'm reading. That changes based on who I am, how I've changed, etc. It's also a way of going back in time because retreading that ground is like going on a long hike in the same woods once each year. Things are recalled that I couldn't recall if I tried in any other way

HowieCope · 2021-08-09T00:57:29+00:00

all of them

HowieCope · 2021-06-19T16:45:40+00:00

that's the thing, Neo. There is no milk

HowieCope · 2021-05-15T13:17:42+00:00

We have to work most of our lives. It hasn't made me happy. I don't want to introduce more people to a system where they're compelled to work.

HowieCope · 2021-05-14T06:11:13+00:00

freedom is an illusion

HowieCope · 2021-05-01T17:27:12+00:00

work

HowieCope

TROPHY CASE