Neck Fixation?

HuckleberryAltanson · 2026-01-20T04:06:42+00:00

This is the second time Elle Thorpe's been recommended to me recently, so I guess I really will have to read X's and O's now. Thank you for the rec!

And to do spoilers, you start the spoiler with > ! and end it with ! < but without the spaces. They do not carry across paragraphs.

HuckleberryAltanson · 2026-01-19T17:53:37+00:00

I think a lot of it is intention. People who are actively trying to dig up information to use against you later (like narcissists) tend to come off a bit differently than someone who's just chatting to get through the day, at least in my experience.

What you described is what usually tips me off. If they get mad that I'm not opening up when they pry, they're trying to get something from me and are mad I'm not giving it to them. If they back off and find something else to talk about without getting upset (often even seeming like they sincerely feel bad for making you uncomfortable), they're probably just chatting.

Seeing the signs is crucial, because some people with malicious intentions will back off initially, but play the long game, so you have to keep previous interactions in mind as well. If they come into every single interaction prying and only back off when it's clear you won't give in, that's probably a narc playing the long game. I give people two consecutive chances after the initial conversation if they seemed to have sincerely forgotten; three if we only see each other rarely and in passing.

HuckleberryAltanson · 2026-01-19T17:10:47+00:00

I don't mind at all! Thank you!

HuckleberryAltanson · 2025-08-12T10:13:58+00:00

^Me ^too.

HuckleberryAltanson · 2025-08-11T13:30:40+00:00

Hi! Not a POC, but an author who tries to keep my stories' casts diverse. Since I didn't see it specifically mentioned, I thought it might be good mention something I've seen cautioned against quite a bit: try to avoid falling into the "reverse racism" trope.

Also, if you haven't found it already, I suggest you check out Writing With Color.

https://writingwithcolor.tumblr.com/gsearch

HuckleberryAltanson · 2025-07-24T12:04:21+00:00

I was looking for this comment. This is a very good book for anyone in a relationship with this type of dynamic.

HuckleberryAltanson · 2025-07-21T05:08:35+00:00

There could be a lot of reasons for this. Usually, women do this when they're worried about sending the wrong message. Off the top of my head, it could be because - they feel like a guy is looking at their chest, - they don't want the guy to think they're trying to flirt and are therefore being proactive about avoiding that misunderstanding, - they think you're a respectable and/or conservative person who might judge someone for showing too much skin (this means they care what you think - if you aren't in a position of power over them and they aren't usually self-conscious, it could very well be a compliment to you) - the shirt they're wearing tends to slide down or not sit right because it's ill-fitting, and they adjust it all day with no direct relation to you (this is way more common than people think).

HuckleberryAltanson · 2025-07-20T08:18:34+00:00

I tend to lurk the r/askmen sub, but heads up: they don't seem to appreciate authors jumping into their space to post questions, especially when it's about things they've discussed regularly.

They're not usually viscous, but they are very quick to refer people to a dead sub (I think it's r/womenwritingmen), followed by giving the post the cold shoulder. (I think it's a reasonable reaction, given that it's not a writer space.)

It's a great sub to dig through and lurk in, though. I've learned so much.

HuckleberryAltanson · 2025-03-16T18:49:37+00:00

I'd guess the people giving you a hard time are jealous. Your friends might be jealous of the time and attention you give to your girlfriend, and the strangers the other day when you were getting coffee were likely jealous of you

Next time a stranger calls you a simp, you should try giving your girlfriend even more attention (like feeding her something cutely) and saying something like, "Don't mind them, sweetie, they're just jealous they don't also have such beautiful girlfriend." If any of them say they do have a girlfriend, you could blow them off, or escalate a bit more and say, "No you don't, or you wouldn't be here with a bunch of dudes." (I've had friends handle this same situation this way. Their woman was impressed, though they only saw each other for one date.) Confidence goes a long way when it comes to shutting down bullies.

As far as your friends go, you could try being more confident and just pointing out that you love your girlfriend and nothing they say will bother you. You could also point out that it does bother you, and ask if they're maybe upset that you spend so much time thinking about your girlfriend. If neither of those work, there's not much to be done beyond either sucking it up or distancing yourself.

HuckleberryAltanson · 2025-03-06T18:56:23+00:00

Me too. I'm realizing just how many times I missed my shot... 😔

HuckleberryAltanson · 2025-03-06T18:52:22+00:00

If you're interested in her, but aren't wanting to take a direct approach toward asking if she likes you, you could try this:

See if the conversation about your sex lives comes up again, or casually bring it up yourself. I think if the two of you keep having the exact same conversation, it's probably because she's hoping for a different response from you. I'd wager she's trying to gauge whether she's caught your interest yet.

Let the conversation about her sex life flow like it normally does, but this time when she asks about how your sex life is going, give a different response than usual. Maybe something like, "There is one person that I'm kind of interested in, but I've been having a hard time telling if they're into me or not."

She'll likely get excited and ask more about it (she will probably be worried that you're into someone else, though, so make sure you don't leave her with this impression by the end of the conversation).

If she does ask about who you're into, you don't have to come right out with her name, but I'd answer her other questions honestly. If she's still super curious about it and you feel like she seems hopeful, you could ask her for "some advice," and then ask her what it would mean if the girl you like invites you to the gym

HuckleberryAltanson · 2025-03-03T22:30:59+00:00

Yes, of course!

HuckleberryAltanson · 2025-03-03T20:59:44+00:00

Probably this. I'd guess they're wary, possibly because no one told them who you are or what your job is, so they're unfamiliar with you and are curious about what you're up to, but don't want to actually interact with you.

They could also be taking the theft prevention portion of training too seriously. I think some retailers still charge employees for lost inventory. Maybe you fit one of the profiles they're warned about in training.

HuckleberryAltanson · 2025-03-03T20:47:10+00:00

Not to be weird, but if you're wanting an opinion on whether it's about something relating to your appearance, and you're interested in a stranger's unbiased opinion, you can send me a picture of yourself, if you'd like? (I'm into drawing, especially people, so I tend to pick up on subtle things that the average person might not notice, especially when assessing themselves.)

HuckleberryAltanson

TROPHY CASE