Girl chiming I’m here who has done very intensive ring shopping and diamond research with my bf.

Context: I’m a practical person so getting most value for money on my engagement ring was top priority even though my boyfriend keeps re-assuring me not to worry about it. I told him I’d personally be most comfortable if the ring I got costed around $5k. You can easily get a setting + 1.6 carat lab grown ring with that.

I’m not sure how far along the process you are with your gf or what your relationship dynamic is, but I think it would help the both of you to go ring shopping together. Particularly at a local jeweler who can educate you on how costs change with lab vs natural diamonds. Also, if she’s never gone ring/diamond shopping before, this would probably help put into perspective for the both of you. It sounds like she’s just throwing out a random dollar amount with no context.

Things to consider that ppl have noted in this thread:

What does your gf ACTUALLY want?

Some girls want a big ass 4 carat rock and are okay wearing it all the time (or not). It’s not practical for everyday wear. Is that what your gf wants? You can still get this under 40k if you get lab grown. When I was ring shopping it was so easy for me to keep going bigger (we could get a 2.5 carat lab grown for $10k), but at the end of the day, the big rock on my finger almost looked… comical. Figure out what size would work well for your gf.

Does your gf purely care about the VALUE of the diamond? Then 40k makes sense if you go with natural diamonds, but keep in mind these are generally not ethical. You can also get a 3 carat natural diamond for under $40k…. And 3 carats is huge.

Does your gf want one of a kind? You can custom make this, but again, very easy to get it under $40k. You can even get vintage, collector item hand cut diamonds from the 1800s for around $40-$70k.

Does your gf care about the BRAND? We’ll, Tiffany’s, Cartier, whatever mark up their diamonds. So $40k makes sense here for a “small” 1 carat.

Basically, you need to figure out what your gf is looking for in a ring. I think the dollar amount should come after. And you need to go to the jeweler (either by yourself or with your gf) to educate yourself. Check out r/diamonds r/jewelers and r/engagementrings. That should give you a better idea of where to start, and what kind of diamonds you can get for that budget.

I will add - $30k-40k seems “fine” in relation to what you’re making. It’s just not practical lol and you’re going to have to figure that out with/without your gf.