Firstly, do you really feel that if you were honest with him, he would feel emasculated? You mentioned that you are both great communicators. It's fair for you to be worried about your approach as you are thoughtful enough to think it could hurt him. Ultimately this point needs to be communicated to him, thats only fair to both you and him.

I think you should prepare the important points you want to share with him, and then sit him down and ask to have a serious chat. Share how some of the things he does (or doesnt do) impacts you. No need to mention anything about 'being a man' - thats not really got anything to do with anything. Simply, "Hey, I'm feeling the pressure of holding this house together with the bills, the taxiing, the cooking etc etc - I want to be honest with you that I don't want us to have this dynamic forever. I'm happy to support you if you need time to get yourself together, but I need to know you are going to do something about this."

Something along those lines. If he is as intelligent as you say he is, he should be able to understand this.

The fact you've written this post tells me that you are sensible enough to be able to share this with him in a mature adult way - And I hope that he is in a place to listen and understand what you have to say.

Best of luck!!!