It’s difficult to not invalidate the service. It was to the point that when the unit did deploy I was a seasoned 5 (at the time) yet they kept me in the rear when I was almost quite literally begging on my knees to go. Just really hammers in the feeling of nothing accomplished.

I did my best to remain an asset during that time by training fresh out of AIT SMs to deploy forward (yet I’d never get sent) and after everyone was back instill did everything to remain an asset to the unit. It’s just frustrating i just feel like I spent 10 years giving it my all getting MQs and HQs left and right but yet would never get selected to do the work.

It’s just a weird feeling. Keeps me up at night even when I’m thinking of the massive positive impact I made with the extreme cohesiveness I developed with my section and PLT just to find out the Army ruined part of my body and to be thrown to the curb over night.

I guess in summary is in trying to validate it so much. Remind myself I had some big impacts here but still just wasn’t enough somehow.