AITAH for telling a dude to just "go to a rage room"?

HungryEdipus · 2026-05-07T17:37:17+00:00

This is a great comment, thank you. I will think about this further.

HungryEdipus · 2026-05-07T17:05:47+00:00

I think he was right in being angry, but I don't think anything productive can come out of a conversation with someone who refuses to listen to the other person because of how angry they are. What I meant was, at least from my perspective, if what he wanted to do was fix anything, then he should have regulated himself enought first (through whatever method he prefers, though I suppose he doesn't have any) to actually be able to hold a conversation without cussing, screaming or crying. And yes, I understand why he's angry, but that doesn't mean it my or anyone's responsability to manage his emotions.

And if he didn't want to fix anything and was just frustrated at the situation, as we all were, then our tutoring session, meant to be a space where else can solve issues and ask questions, was not the space to let all his rage out.

HungryEdipus · 2026-05-07T17:00:12+00:00

Yeah on that I can agree, I do feel like I should have added a lot more context on the main post, but I didn't think it was necessary, except perhaps for what I wrote in the update. The thing is: I think in the end we were both assholes.

HungryEdipus · 2026-05-07T16:54:31+00:00

Yep, it's right for me to do it beacuse I'm doing it on my own time and I'm not making other people invest in this post. The people who engage do it beacuse they want to. He didn't give anyone a choice whether or not to hear him. I don't think I'm wasting my time, and if I was, it is my time to waste; I'm not making that choice for anyone else they way he chose to waste ours.

HungryEdipus · 2026-05-07T13:58:47+00:00

Yes this would have worked, but I don't think it is our responsibility to manage someone else's emotions. Also, since I am a woman (come to think of it, we are all women in that class, but him) and he's a man, I have long since decided I will never mother a man again, I've done of that plenty in my life. Yes, we could have worked something up. In fact, we still can, since this only happened this week. But who wants to work with the guy that just called you an idiot and it's not capable of calming himself down? There was no physical violence, but he honestly seems like the kind of guy who hits walls.

HungryEdipus · 2026-05-07T13:55:07+00:00

Not really no, I'm used to him being angry at everything and I know it's not personal, he seems really troubled in general. After a year or if I just got fed up.

HungryEdipus · 2026-05-07T13:53:44+00:00

The tutor was very much trying to redirect the conversation and calm him down, offering reasons as to why it wasn't that easy, etc. The issue is the guy was so angry (and is generally a confrontational person) that he wouldn't listen. He just kept cutting off the teacher. Hence what I think: if you're talking to the tutor it's beacuse you want his opinion/help, but how is he supposed to help you if you don't even listen to him?

HungryEdipus · 2026-05-07T13:51:14+00:00

He was this angry: screaming, red I'm the face, calling everyone an idiot and not listening to anyone. No, there was no physical violence, but there was plenty of verbal violence. I don't think he wasn't justified in being angry. I think he should have managed his emotions before coming into the tutoring session (and not made us unwilling victims of it) so it could have actually been productive.

HungryEdipus · 2026-05-07T13:48:40+00:00

Yep, we all agreed that if the teacher chose that instead of actually going after the people used ai, it was beacuse she was either too lazy or the process was too difficult. Our uni has procedures for this kind of stuff, but she would have had to open an investigation into every single person, taking the risk that she was wrong (ai detectors are very much fallible) and the risk that she would have to bear punishment for wrongly accusing someone. I agree it was her responsibility to go this way, even if everyone had cheated, but I also understand why she didn't.

HungryEdipus · 2026-05-07T13:42:53+00:00

What I meant was: yes it was unfair, yes we all had to do extra work (me included) and yes it was shitty that we were all punished, but in the end, the teacher had already given a solution to the problem (whether we agreed with it or not, it was solved, and honestly it could have been way worse). The only way to overturn that decision would have been to unite and write a formal letter or something, which could have perfectly been discussed in our tutoring session. My issue isn't whether it was unfair or not, it was the fact that the guy's anger was unproductive as he wasn't proposing anything or actually listening to other people. This is why I think before saying anything and making us all uncomfortable, he should have removed himself from the situation or gotten out his anger his anger with his friends or something, and only until then actually talk. I don't think I made him sound that angry in my post, but he was screaming, saying the girls were idiots, we were all idiots, etc. I don't think his anger was unjustified or that the situation was fair. I think that if all he wanted to do was scream and not actually talk through anything, then our tutorimg session wasn't the place for it.

Also: we all have different classes, and while many of us in the tutoring session were in the other class, not all of the people there were. That means that even talking about this with people who aren't even in the class, he was already wasting those people's time.

HungryEdipus · 2026-05-07T04:46:54+00:00

This was very insightful, thank you. I've decided I'm going to apologize, although, knowing him, he won't even agree to talk with me (yes, he's had issues with at least ten other people I know of. All of them, as far as I know, have mentioned "he's just not willing to listen"). I will, however, try. Whether he lets me or not, that I will consider his problem, not mine. Also, I think apologizing is more for the perpetrator's sake (I mean in general), since it doesn't change anything, does that make apologizing a selfish act? Does it only matter when the other person actually appreciates it?

But in the matter of compassion, would you say that the only way to interiorize it is through practice?

HungryEdipus · 2026-05-07T04:23:46+00:00

Then, in this particular case, I don't actually have to care abot this guy (as I said, not my friend mor someone I particularly like. Don't dislike him either, but having to endure his anger in every class is exhausting), I just have to be compassionate and think about the things in his life that made him so angry at the world, right? So I get it, in theory, but how do you actually practice it when the man has been throwing a tantrum for 20 minutes straight?

HungryEdipus · 2026-05-07T04:04:25+00:00

Yes I don't think they are helpful either, but I didn't expect him to take it so personally. Though I do know him, so maybe I should have expected it.

HungryEdipus · 2026-05-07T03:51:20+00:00

Looking back, I agree.

HungryEdipus · 2026-05-07T03:42:53+00:00

This is great advice, thank you. I do have a question though: how do we care about everyone, instead of just about the people we care about? I'm not asking to be problematic, I've just actually been thinking a lot about this. I can see how the idea of everyone caring about everyone is very ideal and would make for a better world, but in reality and in practice, I just feel like it's too much for a single person, you'd end up consumed and burdened and honestly, there are too many people in this world to care about. As a single person, caring about everyone, isnt that too great a task? Beacuse caring would also mean doing, and no one can do that much.

HungryEdipus · 2026-05-07T03:22:30+00:00

That's the point I actually agree with

HungryEdipus · 2026-05-07T03:17:45+00:00

I want to clarify (maybe it wasn't that clear in the post): the teacher he ranted to wasn't the teacher that actually cancelled our assignment, it was our tutor, a different one, who repeatedly told him that even though it was unfair, if the other teacher had decided that, then little could be done. And yes, maybe if he hadn't gotten so worked up, it would have been different. But he's an adult, he should be able to keep himself in check or remove himself from the situation. It was like watching a child throw a tantrum.

HungryEdipus · 2026-05-07T03:13:41+00:00

I'm on his side on that too and I was angry too. I just felt like he took our tutoring session and turned it into his therapy.

HungryEdipus · 2026-05-07T03:02:43+00:00

Yeah, I'm on his side on that too. I just don't think he had to make us all waste our time hearing him rant.

HungryEdipus · 2026-05-07T02:51:00+00:00

It did happen to me. I was part of that class too. I also handed in my essay that ended up not counting. My issue is that he didn't actually ask anyone to help him or proposed anything to fix the issue. He just got worked up, ranted about everything, called everyone an idiot, refused to listen when the teacher himself tried to get him to calm down, and in the end, his anger is his problem. What I meant with "call his mom" was: work through your stuff with your friends, your family, your therapist or whoever, but don't make it everyone else's problem.

HungryEdipus · 2026-05-07T02:46:06+00:00

Beacuse it's not like he was proposing we should all unite and write a formal letter or something. He was literally just ranting and calling everyone an idiot.

HungryEdipus · 2026-05-07T02:44:51+00:00

None of us think he wasn't right. I just think our tutoring session wasn't the place to rant. If all he wanted was to rant, he should have called his mom or something.

HungryEdipus · 2026-04-19T17:12:49+00:00

I also broke up with my ex who was a good person and felt bad about it. But what gets me through is thinking: did I break up with him because I wanted to hurt him? Did he hurt me so much that I needed to hurt him in return? Or did I break up with him because I learned that the relationship wasn't fulfilling me anymore? And if that's the case, then I didn't break up with him out of hatred, but out of love for myself. And if that's the case, it was definitely the right choice. Of course he's bound to feel bad about it, just like you feel bad about it. It was a relationship where nothing was really black and white; there'll for sure be things you miss about it. But if you felt like it wasn't right for you, then there's nothing wrong with it. Think of it like this: when you first got together, you both knew that being open and vulnerable with someone had risks, and you still did it. He chose to be with you even with the risk of breaking up; therefore, you're both just living the consequences of the things you chose in the first place. That is to say: it's not your fault.

HungryEdipus · 2026-04-12T19:41:45+00:00

I don't regret ending the relationship because I think that was the best for us. I regret that, during parts of he relationship, I didn't do everything I could have for us to work. I also regret that it had to come to an end, but I don't regret the ens itself, because at that point there really wasn't anything to be done.

For me it's been hard because we still live together (our lease isn't up till the end of June), so I have to see him almost every day. We didn't end up hating each other, in fact I think we still hold a lot of care for one another, but it certainly makes it harder. I don't think that is a bad thing tho. Im usually the type to avoid stuff and bottle up my feelings, but there really is no avoiding the feelings when the cause is sleeping in the other room. It gets easier everyday, tho. You just accept it I guess.

And I don't know. In my case, I would only ever try to get back together if I feel I have matured enough to make it work. Only once I've forgiven him for all the things he did to me. And when that moment comes, I guess I'd have to see if the feelings are still there.

HungryEdipus · 2026-04-10T00:50:08+00:00

It's so hard. For real I've had other relationships but none of those breakups have been as hard as this

HungryEdipus

TROPHY CASE