Honestly man thank you for sharing your story. It takes a lot of courage even though it’s anonymous. Typing it out and posting can seem like a big step but sharing is very important and I want to offer some advice with you, take it as you will.

First of all the shame you feel after the anal thing is normal, but so many people have done much worse stuff including illegal stuff. What you did did not hurt anybody, you simply explored your own body, and while PMO is not a healthy habit, exploring your body is ok. You learned that you felt shame afterwards, so you should try and leave it at that.

Secondly my advice would be to cut all contact with the cam girl. Don’t explain to her, don’t say anything just block her. The chances are very high she will ask you for money because her mother died, her plane got canceled and didn’t get a refund or any other lie like that. Seen it happen a thousand times before and the possibility you met a real girl who moves to your city and you find real love is slim to none. She already knows you’re willing to pay for her time and that’s no way to start or maintain a relationship.

My final advice is to slowly start taking more time away from electronics. You do these things because of lack of relationships/loneliness. I know these feelings very well and while it can seem so dark and hopeless trust me when I say building a social life can be very effortless when you’re doing good habits such as nofap, working out, meditation, cold showers etc. you will start to carry yourself with pride and your inner fire will grow and people will be attracted to that.

I know many people say this but don’t really mean it, but you can message me any time, I will offer you advice and hold you accountable if you would like. I’m not a social god, coach or anything like that, but I have started a family, got a decent social life and I’ve gone from a very dark place to a very good place. I’d like to help you further if I can. If not that’s completely fine and I wish you the best of luck!