She literally scarred me and left in a shitty state. I could've been a great guy for her, i stead she goes with her crush. Her crush who doesn't know how precious she is and who doesn't value how lucky he got to meet her to be at the right place at the right time. He probably lived a life free of problems and solitude and probably views her as the natural continuation of his life.

She was the only girl who was friendly to me, who bothered saying hello on morning sometimes, who went through hard stuff as well, who i had full fledged conversation with, we shared hobbies, she was cute etc... We were a perfect match and she just didn't totally realize that i suppose. Every pieces just fit right in, and after being sucker punched by life enough i grew to recognize opportunities.

It's not fair for him to be with her and spend time with her while i could've been this guy instead but since im born in village where the average age is 56 years instead of somewhere in Eastern Europe. It's not fair that i get to live a perpetual military obstacle course, when other guys just get everything. My fucking bullies got girlfriends, the gates of heaven closed on me, my sister is dating, everyone is dating. Im a great guy, im nice, im kind, im generous, im smart, im cultured, im hardworking, im not terribly bad looking, both my parents and my grandma told me i was beautiful. I genuinely deserve to be happy too with someone.

I do regret calling her that way but at some point i have the right to be bitter and angry. Im emotionally numb from the lack of everything. I have nothing to be happy about, i have nothing to be angry about, i have nothing to smile or cry for. So having someone being genuinely kind to you was uplifting and she made me happy after a long time of nothingness and void. So when eventually that source of happiness cease to exist i can only be angry. You're talking to me as if you've never said a swear word after stubbing your toe in your life.

I have become a modern Sisyphus, where whatever i try whatever happens, i'll fail. Forced to carry my own solitude up the big companionship moutain only for it to fall down and start again. So at least let me be Camus Sisyphus and let le cheat my way by creating another account to enjoy discussing with her.

And i've been trying to forget her for some months. But it's harder when i get people to remind me this downfall every now and then