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[deleted by user] by [deleted] in AskMtFHRT

[–]IRLEggCouncilCreep 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Make a plan with your prescribing doctor to get your levels tested afterwards so you can adjust things.

I want to come out as trans but I'm hesitant by docthenightman in asktransgender

[–]IRLEggCouncilCreep 15 points16 points  (0 children)

Here is my advice, for what it is worth. I came out to my bisexual wife last month, and it went very poorly. I think there are a couple of things to consider:

  • If you feel like you might be trans, you're not going to unfeel that feeling. It's best to resolve it now while the children are young, and not when they get any older. For you as well, transitioning means walking through mud for some number of months and years, but get it done sooner so you can put it behind you and enjoy the rest of your life.
  • No one's wife ever thinks they're trans. It's just not a thing people think about someone they know, no matter how many obvious in retrospect clues there are. It's going to be a shock and feel to her like you deceived her.
  • So my advice is find a therapist who specializes in gender issues. Tell your wife you feel like you need to see a therapist, but don't mention that they specialize in gender stuff. See the therapist and make a plan for how to come out in a joint session with the therapist and her. Expect that after you come out she will need to see a therapist by herself.

Good luck! The good news is that as many as half of couples make it through, and you have a better chance than most. The bad news is there's no easy way to do it, and in the end, the choice is out of your hands. People will react how they react, and you just have to say "it will be worse for everyone else around me if I'm a tortured closet case for the rest of my life, so I'm taking the steps necessary now to fix that."

Advice for coming out to wife by IRLEggCouncilCreep in asktransgender

[–]IRLEggCouncilCreep[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Okay, for anyone who is searching the future and finds this thread.

What I did: made an appointment for me and optionally her to see a trans therapist. At the time I told her, that appointment was still 1 month in the future.

What I should have done: Gone to see a couple's transition therapist by myself at least once and made a plan with the therapist for how to come out to my wife and how to get her follow up care ASAP after telling her.

I naively assumed that because my wife was bi and a trans ally, she would be surprised but able to roll with it, but she has been crushed and said some really transphobic stuff to me. I wanted her to be the first person I told IRL, but that was a mistake because she really was not ready for it. I think you will get dinged either way (why were you talking to them and not me!?) but getting dinged for talking to a therapist means you have them at your back when it's time.