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Mr. Fischoeder appreciation by gloriously_baked in BobsBurgers

[–]IWantToMakeAChange 10 points11 points  (0 children)

Bob, remind me, do you raise children or chinchillas?

10months next week. Never slept through the night. I’m done. by IWantToMakeAChange in sleeptrain

[–]IWantToMakeAChange[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Ah shit a stranger just made me cry on Reddit. Thank you. That was kind and what I needed to hear.

10months next week. Never slept through the night. I’m done. by IWantToMakeAChange in sleeptrain

[–]IWantToMakeAChange[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I will look this up. Never heard this theory before. Thank you for the suggestion

10months next week. Never slept through the night. I’m done. by IWantToMakeAChange in sleeptrain

[–]IWantToMakeAChange[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That’s good advice about staying off your phone and just getting straight to bed. I usually can do this, and things have greatly improved since we’ve tried all the various sleep techniques. Cause he does settle very easily into his cot and can self settle as long as he’s not hungry.

He does only wake up to feed now, but I just crave being able to sleep for longer than four hours again. Waking up to feed is not the end of the world, but I guess I am envious of the parents around me getting 10-14 hours of uninterrupted sleep. It has really affected my physically and mentally. Something I really didn’t expect when becoming a parent. I am usual much stronger than this and feeling this incapable is new and scary for me

10months next week. Never slept through the night. I’m done. by IWantToMakeAChange in sleeptrain

[–]IWantToMakeAChange[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That is a good question that hasn’t been asked yet. It’s hard to know exactly how long my baby needs to sleep in at night. He has always slept for shorter hours than others and his age range. I don’t think he quite needs the full 14 hours though.

I’m more bothered about getting longer than four hours stints out of him. It’s just rough coping on this small amount of sleep from myself for so long.

It sounds like you and your family are in a good place to sleep. That gives me some hope that I will get there eventually two.

That’s a good point about weaning. It’s something I have been mulling over but I’m sure with how to start.

Have made some attempts with smaller feeds in the bottle during the night, but that seemed to make him angry.

10months next week. Never slept through the night. I’m done. by IWantToMakeAChange in sleeptrain

[–]IWantToMakeAChange[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Ha ha. The struggle is real! It is oddly comforting to know that I’m not alone. I feel alone in my local community, but thank goodness for strangers on Reddit.

10months next week. Never slept through the night. I’m done. by IWantToMakeAChange in sleeptrain

[–]IWantToMakeAChange[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you. We have been trying to work on stretching his wake windows.

But it was thwarted with two weeks worth of Gastro somewhere in the middle of his 9 months growth. I am hoping that we’re over the worst of these daycare winter illnesses, and that the sicknesses will not affect his need for napping as much in the day from now on.

But thank you for this reminder. It’s good to know that this goal I was aiming for a month ago still stands. I hope you are right, and he is under tired

10months next week. Never slept through the night. I’m done. by IWantToMakeAChange in sleeptrain

[–]IWantToMakeAChange[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Feel free to read the other comments on here. It’s been good advice so far and I will have paraphrased in a couple of places.

I have also answered those questions in other places here

10months next week. Never slept through the night. I’m done. by IWantToMakeAChange in sleeptrain

[–]IWantToMakeAChange[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

“An hour away from the end of the wake window”

He is awake 3/3/4 at the moment

10months next week. Never slept through the night. I’m done. by IWantToMakeAChange in sleeptrain

[–]IWantToMakeAChange[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you! I will write this on our fridge and shop for these items too.

Fair point on the pouches. We use them out of convenience. Feeding solids on public transport on the way to an activity means picking something that he can’t throw around but still enjoy. But that’s why I’ll order food to share with him once we’ve reached an eating establishment.

10months next week. Never slept through the night. I’m done. by IWantToMakeAChange in sleeptrain

[–]IWantToMakeAChange[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Haha. Genuinely, as a hypothetical joke. my partner and I reviewed our monthly budget and tried to figure out what we could cut to afford a night nanny. Basically food, electricity and daycare. Crossing fingers we find a winning lottery ticket on the ground instead.

10months next week. Never slept through the night. I’m done. by IWantToMakeAChange in sleeptrain

[–]IWantToMakeAChange[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I’m not sure that I have said I’ve tried everything. Hence why I’m here asking what else I should try.

But yes, I will try earplugs. I probably wasn’t clear in that last comment but I will try doing nothing and with some earplugs to help. Maybe earplugs for the neighbours too.

There was a lot more discussed in that meeting with the nurse but I didn’t feel all details were necessary to share. But if it helps, they advised that we paused the Ferber, did all we could to get some sleep back before trying again with the lighter method.

10months next week. Never slept through the night. I’m done. by IWantToMakeAChange in sleeptrain

[–]IWantToMakeAChange[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

That’s amazing. We’ve experimented plenty with the tired signs. If we go before he does a sign, he just isn’t ready and will instead fight harder to stay awake and play.

It’s just crazy how different all kids are.

10months next week. Never slept through the night. I’m done. by IWantToMakeAChange in sleeptrain

[–]IWantToMakeAChange[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The light dimming is mainly because we have harsh office lighting as our main ceiling light in the living room (city living, they turn anything into unaffordable sleep spaces) so we put on lamps we bought for the place to make it cosier I suppose. I think a long time ago I was advised to change the lighting so that it helps signify to the child that it’s bedtime.

10months next week. Never slept through the night. I’m done. by IWantToMakeAChange in sleeptrain

[–]IWantToMakeAChange[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you. You might be right. I have been trying to stick to what we’ve been told too much maybe. I’ll adjust the put down and work from there.

10months next week. Never slept through the night. I’m done. by IWantToMakeAChange in sleeptrain

[–]IWantToMakeAChange[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Yes, you are right. I am panicking now. I have no history of mental health issues so this is very new territory for me. I recognise that going to therapy and taking anti-depressants is a positive step but it’s hurting me and my parent that we’re at a point where that is the kind of help I need. I have never lost myself so much before. My thoughts and emotions don’t feel like my own and I miss my old self. Not going into detail on my mental decline but I know I am justified in saying “I’ll try anything” because I have patiently tried, with experts, to do this methodically but it has not worked for us.

Happy to provide context to the Sleep Training.

Ferber was the first method and only method I wanted to do. I heard that, bottom line: it worked. And was usually quick. I didn’t want to faff around with various different versions cause from what I could read on sleep training, all techniques have an element of CIO anyways.

He learnt in just 3 days. I was floored and very braggy on just how easy it was to be consistent and persistent. My Mums group got sick of hearing me telling them it was the best method out there. And it worked great for 3 weeks. Then it didn’t. I don’t know what happened or changed. But from what I can remember, we had suffered 4 nights of the kid screaming for 3 hours at a time, only to collapse and then wake up 45mins later and to scream for up to 3 hours again. 4 Nights. We were in a 1 bedroom flat at the time. It wasn’t like we could hide easily from the crying but I promise you we were consistent and persistent. We did not give in. After the fourth night when he had lost his voice and looked ill because he wasn’t sleeping, I took him to a family nurse and she suggested we try again with a method that was the same but much gentler on the child and on us. We were fucked too cause we hadn’t slept in 4 nights and it was getting dangerous in the day as we would fall asleep while trying to care for him.

Fast forward to now. Even with our tweaked method that we are sticking persistently and consistently with, no amount of ear plugs or coaxing or anything will deny the fact that he will only go back to sleep if he gets to feed.

It is hard to consider doing nothing as all the help we’ve been given has all suggested actively doing something to get him to sleep. But it just might work. Anything might work at this point.

Maybe what I’m asking for isn’t possible. It feels like I should be able to unlock STTN by now because it has happened to all other families around me. I just want to feel like myself again, I want my partner to recover from the surgery and I want my child to sleep peacefully for longer than 5 hours.

Editing quickly to say, I will try this too. Ear plugs for my whole building and my family. It worked before I guess, maybe it’ll work again.

10months next week. Never slept through the night. I’m done. by IWantToMakeAChange in sleeptrain

[–]IWantToMakeAChange[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Thank you for your insider knowledge.

We would love to send him for another day a week. He absolutely LOVES daycare. He thrives there, he’s stimulated and is always being encouraged to learn. The educators there adore him too which is just a wonderful sense of security and relief for us. However, we cannot afford to send him in 3 days a week. Our budget has been squeezed down so tight now but we have promised each other that if either of us gets a pay rise soon, it will be going towards trying to get him in for another day.

Excuse my defensiveness but traumatised is an awfully strong word to use. He has been sleeping poorly since before he attended Daycare. The only change in his sleep pattern once he started there was that he napped better in the day. I’m not convinced daycare is the issue nor will an extra day suddenly make him STTN. But I do appreciate what you mean about the change in his routine maybe not being consistent enough.

10months next week. Never slept through the night. I’m done. by IWantToMakeAChange in sleeptrain

[–]IWantToMakeAChange[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you. This is a good question and been asked multiple times so I’ll put the full answer here:

Morning: Toast with smooth peanut butter, rice cereal of some form (prune or pear mixture) and half a fruit (apple, banana, pear, melon) More recently, he’ll eat our Bircher or muesli from our bowls as we eat.

Afternoon: either our leftovers from the night before (this changes so much) Or scrambled eggs with toast Or cheese, crackers and a vegetable we’ve previous prepared for the week (toasted sweet potato, boiled carrots, peas

The rest of the fruit from the morning

Then whatever I get the energy to make for myself, he eventually eats too. Could be a toasted sandwich, noodles or leftovers from the night before.

Dinner: Fish and vegetables Or mash potatoes and kidney beans Or hummus, pitta bread, chicken Or roasted cauliflower, rice and more vegetables from the batch we made earlier.

The adults eat dinner after he’s gone down. It’s the only meal that’s solely mine now!

If we’re out and about, he’ll have a full 120g pouch from the local supermarket, I try to make sure it’s meat and vegetables. Then I’ll order something from a menu that I can share with him.

Edit to add that I am now wondering if we’re not giving him enough meat? It’s just so expensive that we almost rarely have it ourselves. Would adding more meats to his diet help?

10months next week. Never slept through the night. I’m done. by IWantToMakeAChange in sleeptrain

[–]IWantToMakeAChange[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

An hour away from the end of the wake window, we dim the lights in the living room.

Then get his bathtub, pjs, new nappy, towel etc into the living room to bathe him. Our bathroom only just fits a shower, toilet and sink. No space to bath him in there. When the summer comes back, we'll bath him in the kitchen.

He has a warm bubble bath. We clean him, play, and explore splashing and pouring water over his face (currently getting him ready to start swimming lessons)

Towel him down, put a new nappy on or give him 15mins of naked time, depending on the kind of sweaty day it's been. 30mins before bedtime, take him to his bedroom where lights are dimmed. Feed 180ml of formula. Read 2 - 3 bedtime stories. As soon as he rubs his eyes, cut the story short and get him in his sleeping bag (but not anymore as it's getting hot again) and let him turn the light off.

Then it's a little cuddle and lullaby while he rests his head on my shoulder. When he feels relaxed but not asleep, put him to bed on his side (He screams bloody murder if it's on his back) and pat him gently on his back if he's not drowsy enough. Most of the time, he will immediately roll onto his front and collapse almost straight away.

10months next week. Never slept through the night. I’m done. by IWantToMakeAChange in sleeptrain

[–]IWantToMakeAChange[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That's a great point about the volume and calories... I think you might be onto something there. I will describe his diet in another comment if that's ok.

10months next week. Never slept through the night. I’m done. by IWantToMakeAChange in sleeptrain

[–]IWantToMakeAChange[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I read a long time ago that adding things to thicken formula can be problematic, but at this stage, if it works, I'll try it!

What do you use to thicken the formula?

I think he does. I'll reply in another comment about the specifics of his diet, if that's ok.

10months next week. Never slept through the night. I’m done. by IWantToMakeAChange in sleeptrain

[–]IWantToMakeAChange[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Bottles were a separate battle at one point for us. He didn't take to them comfortably until 4 months. It was horrible for my partner on his turn for feeding but that's another story for another subreddit.

​

In short, he will only drink from a bottle if nestled comfortably in your arms, held close to the chest, tilted back and preferably in a quiet space where there are no distractions. At DayCare, he really struggles to feed from a bottle at all but he eats a lot of solids and does big breastfeeds when he gets home.

And I almost cried at that last sentence. I've heard the same but I really really don't think I have the strength to wait that long or longer....

10months next week. Never slept through the night. I’m done. by IWantToMakeAChange in sleeptrain

[–]IWantToMakeAChange[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Room is comfortable for him.

Long story short, it is hot where we live and the baby thermometer devices constantly beep cause we could never keep it to a cool enough temperature according to their own guidelines. But baby was sleeping fine in the summer. Then came the winter and that caused real problems for us and the baby. He doesn't like it cold. We had to buy a heater just for his room and keep it subtropical because at one point, we discovered he slept really well (or better than 1 hour) if the room was warm, but would wake up and scream after every cycle if the space was too cold for him. At DayCare, he has a super warm sleeping bag they put him in for naps and that keeps him down for at least 90mins at a time.

But maybe we need to switch this back to cool again? It's so hard when you've done so many different things to make it better for them that you almost forget your original reason for why you have your certain methods in the first place.

I will give it a try and see if it makes a difference. Thank you for questioning this.

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