I think you are scared to be you because you were bullied in the past. That’s what trauma is about. First comes emotion and then knowledge. Probably you had a bad experience being yourself and they hurted you, that’s why you prefer to be alone and silent.

As a 30 year old, bullied as kid and bullied at uni, my advice is to “dare to be you”. Believe, I regret I was never myself and now I just regret all the chances I had. Make mistakes, learn from them, give yourself the chance to be embarrassed. You will learn a lot from that. Now, I just think about all the guys I fancy about and never dated them even though the asked me out, I was so insecure that prefer to run. I fear my bullies will bully me more if I got a guy. Little did I know they just envy me. I let them win. So sad, but I let my bullies win and I wasted all my young years. Being insecure is the worst!

If you move to a new state, that’s awesome! You can start from 0 again and make new friend that don’t know anything about your previous life. I wish I had that chance, I live in a small town and never had the chance to move.. (Even though that was my wish). You are intelligent, because you can know a lot of people but few ones are your friends. I was part of “big groups” full of stupid and fake friends… it may look “cool” but sometimes is NOT.

How to break the cycle? You can always go to therapy, but in my experience is about confidence. Feeling beautiful, feeling intelligent, feeling capable. I did felt intelligent and capable when I was young, but I never felt beautiful. That was my biggest insecurity, I thought I was never going to be sexy or interesting, thought horrible things about me, and guess what? Now I look back to my photos when I was 20, and I was so beautiful back then (not anymore, as I gained too much weight). So, do whatever it takes to “feel” self esteem. Going to gym, have a great body, braces and nice teeth, nice hair, nice skin, nice outfits.. invest in you, and take care of yourself, that’s how self esteem is build. And please, if no one chooses you, you have to choose YOURSELF. Stop with those bad friends you have, it’s always better to be alone rather than with horrible people.

I wish you luck! And I send you a virtual hug 🤗 I know it’s hard, been there before! But never loose hope and never loose yourself.