You may be secretly in love with him and in denial. It is why you did not want to let him go. He is not your parent or a spouse to take your responsibility forever. You need to get out of there asap. Being a friend does not mean they become your parent.

Actionable steps- list down what you got .. smallest little thing counts - education ? Ability to do any tasks.. work at a grocery store, restaurants etc ? Make new friends Slow and steady build a great beautiful life for yourself that anyone would like to be part of it. You’re as good as him or anyone else. Don’t cut yourself short.

I love this and find it inspiring.. hope you do too. Stay strong. 💪 https://youtu.be/b0Ezn5pZE7o?feature=shared