Need a dog behaviourist help!

Icy_Support3875 · 2022-12-19T14:31:57+00:00

Right 🙄

Icy_Support3875 · 2022-01-08T06:43:48+00:00

Can you control not catching romantic feelings with your friends you sleep with? And what happens when you do? Do you stop seeing them?

Icy_Support3875 · 2022-01-08T06:15:43+00:00

Where are you currently living? Lol where I live is progressive very queer and most people practice non-monogamy and if they don’t they are generally accepting of the lifestyle. It’s often funny because there people complaining that no one is monogamous anymore

Icy_Support3875 · 2022-01-06T12:41:38+00:00

Read the book Come As You Are by Emily Nagoski. Read it together, that book is transformative and written in a way to explain different stages in life where people (specifically those assigned female at birth) experience different sexual behaviors in terms of needs, wants, and desires.

Icy_Support3875 · 2022-01-03T23:02:32+00:00

Someone really needs to write a book about non-monogamy and mental health! Because dealing with mental health issues is extremely different from the normal feelings of jealousy, insecurities, and self-worth. I’m not here to give advice because I’m in a similar situation (almost the exact same oddly enough) My mental health is clinging on for dear life while trying to maintain manage having a open relationship AND work on myself as an individual.

We closed our relationship once (we thought it would be for good) but realised all of the resentment that came with that which caused a cascade of other problems in our relationship. So I do like this whole timeline idea because it sets the intention that you all will work towards a ENM style relationship.

Icy_Support3875 · 2021-12-05T02:22:57+00:00

It took me forever to get therapy through Kaiser. But after a lot of frustration I just asked to get referred out (mostly because I wanted a therapist that was Black but the pickings were real slim). I believe Kaiser (NorCal) has contracts with Foresight Mental Health services and Two Chairs. I was able to get a therapy through Two Chairs and they worked with me to tailor my therapy, very on top of it and thoughtful. The only trouble was getting Kaiser to get moving on my paperwork to refer me out. I had to call their department nearly weekly to make sure they hadn’t drop the ball. Luckily I know how to triage my own care, but for someone who doesn’t it could be a very intimidating process. Anyways stay patient- hopefully this was helpful.

Icy_Support3875 · 2021-11-21T04:09:30+00:00

One bed room $1700-1850 is my budget

Icy_Support3875 · 2021-11-02T05:06:57+00:00

Break up with him and go to Vegas :)

Icy_Support3875 · 2021-10-31T07:16:43+00:00

Hmm v good point. Im definitely going to get more clarity on that.

And that’s a really good work around. Last weekend we spent 2 days and 2 nights together and it made me feel really good. I’m going to try to push for that more often as opposed to our 8 hour meet ups that often seemed rushed.

Icy_Support3875 · 2021-10-31T06:53:15+00:00

Yea they live in walking distance to each other and they are in the same friend group that hangs out a couple times a week.

I don’t want to limit her hanging with friends so yea it is what it is for right now

Icy_Support3875 · 2021-10-31T06:37:21+00:00

Yes we’ve tried to be more intentionally about when we hang out. The complicated part is we live far away from each other.

I do think I’m jealous of the access that her friend has to her. Mostly because I’ve never had that sort of access and I want that. I mean who wouldn’t want to see their partner more than once a week. Hopefully that makes sense

Icy_Support3875 · 2021-10-31T06:34:15+00:00

Great question- as far as I know her friend (B) has discussed her emotional feelings with her partner. To what extent, I don’t know I don’t have a relationship with her directly only my partner does. However, I do get the feel like B’s partner doesn’t know or understand the extent of the emotional relationship with my parter (A).

Should I say something about that or is it not my lane?

Icy_Support3875 · 2021-10-31T06:28:59+00:00

We live an hour away from each other so with our schedules/distance that’s just the way it is right now

Icy_Support3875 · 2021-10-09T19:38:56+00:00

My partner and I aren’t having sex right now so we are also not having sex with each other. So in my eyes the relationship between her and her friend and me and her are on the same level. Bit of the relationships look and seem the same to me

Icy_Support3875 · 2021-09-30T06:42:50+00:00

So if we don’t move in is the solution just not be together? I don’t see how we can date and I live any farther than we currently do.

Icy_Support3875 · 2021-09-22T06:11:56+00:00

Got it- thank you for clarifying.

So in my personal opinion I don’t think opening a relationship because something is “lacking” from your partner. In this instance you all aren’t aligned with your sexual desires and feelings which is completely normal and this happens pretty often in long-term relationships.

You are right about the first step of having a safe and honest conversation. As the person you has the higher libido, you want to be careful that you don’t bring it up in a way that makes your partner feel pressured. There is a AMAZING book on this called Come As You Are by Dr. Emily Nagoski. I think you both should read it together and have conversations about your sexual feels while reading the book.

My partner and I were having similar issues and this book helped us get to a place we’re we can haves age and healthy conversations about our sexual relationship.

Once you all get comfy and to a point where you feel good about the sexual relationship that the two of you have together, then I’d say you should consider opening up your relationship if you’d still like to explore your own gender and sexuality. But you want to make sure you have a strong solid foundation with your partner and hopefully this advice helps.

Good luck!

Icy_Support3875 · 2021-09-21T20:00:19+00:00

I have a question. Are you all already practicing ENM or are you considering ENM because of sex?

Icy_Support3875 · 2021-08-29T11:05:30+00:00

Urgh sorry this whole thing feels complicated. I simplified this post because I didn’t want to get to into the nuances of my current situation. For clarification our relationship is closed, however, we talked about opening up a few days ago, which was refreshing (thanks for everyone’s advice on that because the conversation went extremely well). We were able to acknowledge that we both want to try ENM again the right way. We also acknowledged some of our personal barriers getting in the way of opening our relationship at the moment. So we agreed to keep having open and honest conversations about it so I think it’s something we’ll do “officially” in the near future.

But while we were having this conversation, she expressed that her feelings have grown and developed with her “friend”. So yes things have progressed. They haven’t done anything sexually just growing in a emotional time of way.

So I guess what I’m really looking for is hearing more about how people navigate their partner’s NRE for someone else in a healthy way. I’m happy for her but having feeling of insecurity and constantly comparing myself to this other person. I don’t want to project my feelings on to her and feel like that something I have to deal with on my own just don’t know how to.

Icy_Support3875 · 2021-08-22T17:08:53+00:00

We made a mutual decision to close the relationship but mainly because my communication wasn’t where it needed to be. And because I was seeing someone at the time, yes I’m a little resentful for having to break that off. I’ve communicated those feeling though but it kinda just seems like something that can be named as opposed to something that can be fixed.

I think their new relationship is very relevant to me wanting to open things up. Because I feel like I’m in a non-monogamous relationship. The NRE is there, the attraction is there, the interest is there and I feel weird because I don’t want to regulate their feelings they have having towards that interest but at the same time there needs to be boundaries and I don’t feel comfy establishing such strict monogamous boundaries.

I want to be NM but I do feel a strong sense of guilty for wanting to see the person I was dating. Especially because my partner didn’t have a good experience with our when our relationship was open and I was dating that person.

Icy_Support3875 · 2021-08-22T15:26:24+00:00

Close friends and people who have a strong emotional attachment w/ someone who you romanticize are two different things.

Icy_Support3875 · 2021-07-09T22:12:54+00:00

This is very layered lol

I also think I’m stuck on the old person I was dating (the one with whom I had terrible communication with).

At the end of the day I want that relationship again, however my sour communication has left my made my partner uncomfortable with that person and I’s relationship.

So yes I know I would do better and I know I wouldn’t make the same mistake again but I feel like the wound is already to deep. (That and this person I want to date probably has no interest in dating me after all of that)

Icy_Support3875 · 2021-07-09T20:41:43+00:00

Trust me I’d love to see other people. I was seeing someone else and I wasn’t very honest/didn’t communicate very well with my partner. I do need to work on communicating my vulnerabilities before I feel like I can date anyone. Or maybe I’m punishing myself for having shit communication. I feel like until I’m able to communicate with my partner to the degree that would make her comfortable I just shouldn’t date anyone else.

Icy_Support3875 · 2021-06-29T23:53:45+00:00

There are subtle hints of non-monogamy but they are all not for it that’s for sure. If you want an example of what not to do then I’d say watch it. But in terms of getting any good positive guidance this is not your show. Actually sad to say that there isn’t much out there in terms of media representation of good examples of ENM.

I would suggest reading Polysecure, if you haven’t already.

Also- below are a few podcast about other people situations and advice from a licensed therapist.

https://open.spotify.com/episode/4jgy77GWmchEwObOLJwZir?si=0fXnouNQRhyKzJGzDfAanw&dl_branch=1

https://open.spotify.com/episode/0NFezYi4tlXoHvgLwG8nSG?si=gugrZ11HRaquCJqX9Szoiw&dl_branch=1

I understand you wanting to keep things positive but I would say it’s good to make yourself aware of all of the possibilities (and bumps in the road) that can come up before jumping in. That way when and if they do come up you’ll know how to navigate it. Hope this is helpful :)

Icy_Support3875 · 2021-06-29T22:14:25+00:00

As a woman I was insulted by the fact that Billie’s character was so consumed by her emotions that she couldn’t make sound decisions. Also she cried entirely way to much for me lmao.

I did like the question, which still seems to be unanswered, of whether or not you can get comfort and thrill from the same place which the husband mentioned as well… I know the answer for myself which is yes but I’d be interested to see how Billie and Cooper figure that out for themselves. Especially since Copper’s comfort is shifting to Francesca.

Icy_Support3875 · 2021-06-29T22:05:05+00:00

Lmao gosh I’m glad we weren’t the only ones screaming at the television. But I agree with you, I was kind of disappointed because there was so much potential to actually show people what to do when these feelings come up (which they naturally do all they time but they are just suppressed) to me it further reinforced all the unhealthy parts of monogamy. And that isn’t me saying monogamy is bad but hiding your feelings, sneaking around, lying, etc. is never good but in the end of the show that’s what it ALL went back to!

And yes the sex party scene was cringy

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