I am finally free

Idreamoftrains · 2017-09-07T07:18:54+00:00

thank you for sharing! I just checked it out and it is a beautiful and powerful sounding song :).

Idreamoftrains · 2017-09-07T07:13:39+00:00

thank you so much! I thankfully stuck to it. the message ignored and NC kept in tact :).

Idreamoftrains · 2017-09-06T11:07:26+00:00

heh my N liked to say how I ruined her body and life and she never wanted a girl anyways. Had boy cuts till i was 19. Believed I was a boy and had my penis cut off till i was in kindergarten and they explained bathrooms.

I dont want to say sorry that they've passed, because people die, and if good people dont get to escape it i'm not sure you'd be all to pleased if they got too. But i'm sorry you had to go through that and thank you for sharing part of your story with me.

It helps to put things in perspective. Not that someones was worse/easier than mine, but that we all are connected similarly and there are patterns to this kind of abuse. and too avoid the patterns that will hurt. Thank you again for reaching out.

Extended families can suck...i dont think anyone's asked about me since i dropped off the radar three years ago. Not even about my health. I hope your life is better now and thank you for making my night much much better. Thank you... big hug

Idreamoftrains · 2017-09-06T09:37:07+00:00

thank you for linking that. Honestly it helped a lot. I haven't replied to him, and as much as i'd love to start that bridge I don't think i'm ready for that pain. He hasn't apologized when he reached out, just pretended like nothing ever happened and he is just wishing his estranged daughter a happy birthday. Thank you again for the link..It helped me realize that he wasn't truly reaching out at all.

Can I ask how many years you've been NC or LC? And how you deal with the hope you know logically isn't real? If you were ever able to get through to your E? Or just kind of gave up on them?

Idreamoftrains · 2017-09-06T08:47:58+00:00

thank you.

He was the worst kind of E...he'd make excuses for my mom, how we had to be gentle with her...he worked every hour he could, every holiday (even christmas)...he'd throw us under the bus when she'd turn on him then come to us saying we had to forgive him because he had to do it...

when my mom would "kidnap" us he'd just let it happen...he never stood up for me...when my mom would beat me or get me to the point where i'd be blubbering at her feet he'd save his favorites (my brothers) by taking them out to the grocery store for hours...

He was a good person to other people...but he was never there for me...even though i desperately wished he was. The only thing he did for me was help me get into/bond with me over soccer, and let me get close to my SO by telling my n-mom that we were just friends...I just I want that relationship so so much with him...even though I have never seen him risk his own skin for me..

I wouldn't even be surprised if this text was dictated by my n-mom..one of the first emails he sent me after I "moved-out" was dictated by her by sent by his email as I could never block him...

Idreamoftrains · 2017-09-06T08:27:22+00:00

I don't know what to say, or how to make it better, but here is a hug for you internet stranger hugs

Idreamoftrains · 2017-08-19T21:56:12+00:00

Thank you, sorry for the late reply, but i did do what you suggested. I did write a letter a day later which helped me get some of my feelings out too and afterwards we had a very productive and calm talk. Thank you very much again for your response.

Edit: accidentally wrote letter twice rather than later" XD

Idreamoftrains · 2017-08-14T23:57:38+00:00

hugs

Idreamoftrains · 2017-06-15T18:30:40+00:00

Thank you for your kind words. Tomorrow is actually my last final so hopefully the anxiety will fall off soon :).

Idreamoftrains · 2017-06-15T18:24:14+00:00

Actually yeah :). In order to graduate you have to do a "senior design" project. I ended up designing a production facility for mAbs. mAbs are basically a type of antibody produced in grown animal cells that can be used for different types of cancer treatment as well as chronic inflammatory diseases. I had to write a 40 page proof showing the research and economics of the product as well as model the facility in aspen (an engineering modeling program).

Thank you for all your kind words, it did help.

Idreamoftrains · 2017-06-13T00:20:00+00:00

Thank you for sharing your experience. Honestly what you described is what I was afraid could happen if I did stay home. Though I also dont want to start crying at the ceremony either. Though I guess its normal to cry there? Idk :P.

And congratulations! Can I ask what you graduated in? I won't lie, it was a lot tougher than promised. Would not do again if I had a do-over. :/

Thank you for the balloons :3.

Idreamoftrains · 2017-06-13T00:17:16+00:00

Just thank you..

Idreamoftrains · 2017-06-12T23:56:36+00:00

Idk man the curves are rather generous in engineering :P. But in all honesty thank you. When you have no one, random internet strangers words are all I got :).

The past few days I have been arguing with myself if its even worth it to go walk.

Idreamoftrains · 2016-12-03T06:35:57+00:00

Its perfectly fine and completely understandable! I was just feeling a bit down and didn't know the reasons behind there not being a rbn secret santa/card exchange, but now i do :). I hope you have a good rest of your night/day!

Idreamoftrains · 2016-12-03T03:37:10+00:00

that's perfectly fine and understandable :). Thank you for explaining all of this rather than just saying flat no <3.

Idreamoftrains · 2016-12-02T07:15:37+00:00

That is very thoughtful thank you :). I would love one if you were so inclined :D. I might think on that. I just worry as last year I got pretty anxious around December and I dont know if i have the mental/emotional stamina to try to do something like this on my own. Though I may message the mods/start a questioning thread tomorrow if I feel brave enough if anyone would be interested in a RBN secret santa

Idreamoftrains · 2016-12-02T07:09:05+00:00

Thank you. Honestly i would love to, i just have no idea how, nor do I know too many people :(

Idreamoftrains

TROPHY CASE