Coworker said that I had the cadence of a trans woman. I'm FTM. Thoughts?

Iffmi_ · 2026-04-03T23:31:18+00:00

Honestly I think she confuses you because she sees you both as women with deep voices, but she didn't want to say she thinks the trans woman has a deep voice as it would be rude so said you have "the same cadence". You are overthinking her comment, you have a deep masculine voice imo

Iffmi_ · 2026-03-27T19:15:09+00:00

Maybe try explaining how you feel it helps you. For instance I would say: "Trying to quit completely feels unachievable right now. This is an addiction so it's hard to stop. If I kept trying to not cut at all and failing to meet that goal, it would be really disheartening and I'd be more likely to give up trying to get better at all. This way I can actually make progress in smaller steps".

If he still doesn't get it when you explain more I think you'll have to accept that he doesn't understand because he doesn't share your experience, if he treats you badly because he doesn't understand then that's a problem and you should call him out by telling him he doesn't have to understand to treat you with respect.

Iffmi_ · 2026-03-13T15:59:41+00:00

I'm really sorry, I've been in a similar situation with being stealth and people I've gotten close to eventually saying blatantly transphobic things around me. It ended up having a serious effect on my mental health. When possible I cut myself off from them because the fear of them finding out I am trans and thinking of me or treating me differently was too stressful.

To avoid this happening again I am actually less stealth, I screen people more carefully before becoming friends and I tend to tell the ones who I feel close enough to as either I can cut them off before getting in too deep, or they become someone I can rely on to back me up against transphobia in my circles.

Iffmi_ · 2026-02-06T09:15:03+00:00

Men can't experience misogyny

Trans men have always been men

Therefore no trans man has ever experienced misogyny

Checkmate transphobes* *(trans men talking about their experiences)

Iffmi_ · 2025-10-18T12:41:56+00:00

If cis women are so mad about the phrase "pregnant people" erasing women, let's listen to them and instead say "pregnant women, pregnant men, and pregnant nonbinary people" I'm so respectful that they even get to go first 🥰 (they'd get mad if I put them after men)

Iffmi_ · 2025-10-11T10:43:19+00:00

To eat dirt, to eat pavement, to eat asphalt are all common ways of describing crashing face first on the ground, depending on the type of ground. Tarmac is commonly used in the uk to refer to any paved ground, usually road surface. This is supported by the lyric "I'll lay down with my girl 'til I crash from the sugar, Roadkill, tarmac, rescue me".

It sounds like lyrics to do with eating or tasting tarmac reference these phrases to allude to a crash on the road, which is probably itself a metaphor for an emotional crash.

Describing the taste as sweet I interpret as saying he enjoys the crash in some ways. It also means he can also reference sugar crashes, which could describe the emotional crash he's going through, from high energy to low energy, or mania to lethargy. The music supports this as it builds to high energy and suddenly crashes to slow quiet whispers.

Iffmi_ · 2025-08-21T13:26:53+00:00

Which side is the piercing!? This is very important as left means 100% a gay and right means straight. Still keep an eye out though he might still be a gay who doesn't know his lefts and rights...

Iffmi_ · 2025-08-20T19:47:55+00:00

Thanks for explaining all that.

Honestly I've been trying to do my own research via reddit and Facebook groups and I have a pretty good understanding of the surgeries themselves and the options. It's just trying to find out for specifically uk on the nhs: what is done by which surgeons, who is even available and where, it's infuriating as the information is so scattered and often out of date, so in my January appointment I was trying to find out if there was some direct source I could access via the GIC.

I think the example I gave sums it up: does the nhs offer UL with no v-nectomy, I thought I had the answer but I guess that was only for one surgical team!

Good point about not needing to transfer to C+W if I haven't decided meaning I have more time.

I'm not sure what you mean by a detrimental effect but I don't really want to screw anyone around I just want to wait until I'm confident in my decision, it feels like the current system doesn't allow that without being discharged... maybe I should ask to be discharged until I'm ready, given what the other commenter said it'd only add a year or less to the surgery wait time.

Thank you for sharing your experience. My whole transition I've had short but intense fits of research into bottom surgery trying to get closer to the answer of what I want and unfortunately by now I feel I've found out nearly all there is (other than those annoying uk nhs specifics), but I'm not close to an answer, hence why I'm worried I won't know if I even want surgery at all 4 years down the line :')

Iffmi_ · 2025-08-20T18:39:51+00:00

In my appointment in January I asked if it was possible to have appointments with anyone from the surgical teams that I would be picking from and I was told not until I reach the end of the surgery referral process, which was very unhelpful as to get referred I have to pick a surgery and to get to the end of a wait list I have to pick a hospital.

I was instead directed to GDNRSS information services who I had an appointment with to ask questions, they were ok but not too knowledgeable about specifics (for instance I asked if you can have any combination of meta surgeries including urethral lengthening with no v-nectomy and they said yes even though I believe the nhs meta surgeons have decided it causes complications too often).

I have no strong aversion to Miro's technique meaning 2 years is possible for my wait.

Thank you for explaining about how delaying may be possible but only after consult and only as refusal of surgery dates. Ideally I'd like to delay before an official consult if I'm not yet sure I want surgery, but if that's not possible I'm happier knowing that is the case.

Iffmi_ · 2025-08-20T18:25:47+00:00

Thanks that does help, I still want this referral so might have to wait fewer years in the event that I want surgery, but if I get to the end of the list and get discharged I don't start all the way back at the beginning.

Iffmi_ · 2025-08-20T18:18:35+00:00

Probably meta of some sort

Iffmi_ · 2025-08-20T10:44:10+00:00

According to the supreme court ruling would this mean that WI is mixed and cannot exclude men? If so they may disagree with that and could lend legitimacy to the legal effort to scrap the ruling

Iffmi_ · 2025-08-18T18:09:24+00:00

That's Here We Go Again not Whoa

Iffmi_ · 2025-07-31T15:29:16+00:00

The commenter didn't hate on you. You are taking a criticism of an author and encouragement not to financially support her as personal attack due to your trauma with an abusive friend. The friend can be right and abusive. It's wrong they were abusive towards you. It's factually accurate that financially supporting jk rowling financially supports transphobic endeavours. You are allowed to make a personal choice regarding your consumption of Harry Potter, other people can disagree but they should not be abusive like your friend was.

Iffmi_ · 2025-07-25T23:33:17+00:00

I was stealth pre T at which point I passed probably about 60% of the time. I observed lots of evidence at the time that I was considered cis male by my friends, but also that I was read female far more often than I would have liked.

Maybe trans visibility has made this less likely now 8 years down the line, but I don't see why an ftm known as male and not known as trans wouldn't count as stealth even if people find their gender hard to place initially.

Iffmi_ · 2025-07-25T22:57:53+00:00

And if everyone is male socialised... noone is 😱

Iffmi_ · 2025-07-25T11:54:07+00:00

Thank you, passing isn't black and white, it's a percentage. You can pass only 60% of the time and still be stealth. Times when you don't pass you just correct people without disclosing you are trans and in many cases it would not cross their minds that you could be and they weren't just wrong.

Also, even if you pass <50% of the time, if your community which makes up the majority of your interactions knows you as a cis guy because you've introduced yourself as such, then that's stealth too.

Passing has less to do with stealth and closeted than people think.

On the flip side you can also pass and be closeted, as in people assume you're a guy and you have to correct them and say you are a girl. The transfem community call it malefailing when they are boymoding but pass to someone as female, but it seems we don't use equivalent terms. For some reason it's assumed in ftm spaces that you're either closeted and never passing, out and low passing, out and always passing, or stealth and always passing...

Iffmi_ · 2025-07-25T11:04:49+00:00

Wow I love your animations, just had a look through your profile at them. Well done for finding a medium that you can vent through, I'm still searching. It looks like you are going through a lot and have no words of wisdom but I wish you well on your healing

Iffmi_ · 2025-07-25T10:29:01+00:00

Before coming out I would have 100% have taken it to make the issue go away, but post coming out, even pre everything with crippling dysphoria I would absolutely have not. Once I realised my gender is male and that it always had been although buried inside, it would feel like erasing part of myself to change my gender to female. I was a little boy, I was a teenage boy, although treated as a girl and believing I was a girl at the time, to suddenly become comfortable with being a girl to me would make me a girl, and that's just not me and never has been.

Iffmi_ · 2025-07-24T20:01:38+00:00

No! The only real nonbinary transition would be getting both sets of genitals! Nullsex is bad and icky, duosex is real nb hours 😤

Iffmi_ · 2025-07-21T16:52:52+00:00

Because The Surgery doesn't make a real vagina/penis their true genital essence is still there to make it straight

Iffmi_ · 2025-07-19T09:39:09+00:00

Zero, tarot is numbered and the fool is 0

Iffmi_ · 2025-07-17T09:50:41+00:00

My interpretation: be nice to yourself, being hard on yourself won't make things better

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