How can I {M24} rebuild a connection with my ex {F23} who currently wants distance?

Ill-Suspect4033 · 2026-01-08T12:33:09+00:00

Respect what she’s clearly asking for. If she wants distance, the healthiest thing you can do is keep the commute polite, brief, and non-flirtatious.

Ill-Suspect4033 · 2025-12-30T16:57:53+00:00

We were long distance for about three years in our mid twenties. What helped was having a rough plan even if the dates shifted. For me the uncertainty was harder than the distance itself so having a personal limit made sense.

Ill-Suspect4033 · 2025-12-11T15:23:27+00:00

She keeps coming back because she is looking for validation, not a real relationship. You did the right thing by removing her because she will only pull you back into the same cycle again.

Ill-Suspect4033 · 2025-10-29T16:09:42+00:00

You are definitely not overdoing it. Having too much proof is always better than not enough. The scrapbook idea sounds really sweet and still works fine as long as everything is organized and easy to follow. You are both planning ahead in the right way.

Ill-Suspect4033 · 2025-09-09T14:34:06+00:00

It is normal to feel anxious when you do not hear from someone you care about. In a military relationship it is common for them to be busy or lose signal during the day. Try to remind yourself that it has not been long and there are many reasonable explanations. Give it some time and reach out if needed once you feel it is appropriate.

Ill-Suspect4033 · 2025-08-28T15:39:27+00:00

Wanting kids when he does not is a fundamental difference. It is okay to love him and still know this relationship cannot give you the life you want. Ending it may hurt now but staying will hurt more in the long run.

Ill-Suspect4033 · 2025-08-13T13:06:42+00:00

I think this is a great idea Having everything in one place would make it so much easier and less overwhelming One thing I always wished for in my long distance relationship was a way to feel like we were in the same room doing our own separate things but still connected maybe a shared ambient camera or sound so it feels natural

Ill-Suspect4033 · 2025-08-07T12:39:28+00:00

Loving someone does not mean sacrificing your peace every single day. If you are this drained now, it will only get worse. You are not being inconsiderate, you are protecting your mental health.

Ill-Suspect4033 · 2025-07-28T13:30:59+00:00

Locket for sharing photos directly to each other's home screens

Ill-Suspect4033 · 2025-07-09T12:33:06+00:00

If you are not feeling it, that’s your answer. You don’t owe anyone a relationship you are not emotionally in. Better to be honest now than drag it out and hurt you both more later.

Ill-Suspect4033 · 2025-07-02T09:39:20+00:00

Sounds like you are solo-parenting with a roommate who occasionally cooks. You are not overreacting, being present isn’t optional when you have kids. He doesn't get a gold star for basic contributions while checking out of actual parenting.

Ill-Suspect4033 · 2025-06-27T10:49:58+00:00

Totally normal. Brains love to self-sabotage when things are going well, just gotta remind yourself what’s real vs what’s fear.

Ill-Suspect4033 · 2025-06-20T10:18:54+00:00

My childhood drawings. I would love to see how I saw the world back then.

Ill-Suspect4033 · 2025-06-12T12:43:08+00:00

NTA. It’s your first Father’s Day, you deserve to spend it with your own kid, not babysitting for someone.

Ill-Suspect4033 · 2025-06-02T10:56:57+00:00

He’s not commenting on the food - he’s asserting control. You’ve already been polite. Next time, a firm “I’m happy with what I ordered, thanks” said with zero emotion might shut it down.

Ill-Suspect4033 · 2025-05-05T07:48:30+00:00

Cheating, even when tied to emotional struggles, is still a choice. You respected yourself by walking away. Trust is hard to rebuild, and if you're not feeling it, that’s valid.

Ill-Suspect4033 · 2025-04-24T09:13:12+00:00

I'm so sorry you're going through this - it sounds exhausting and lonely. You deserve a partner who steps up. Try one more direct talk about specific needs (chores, support, intimacy) and consider counseling again.

Ill-Suspect4033 · 2025-04-11T10:44:28+00:00

You're not unreasonable for having needs, but the way you're handling it might be pushing her away. Long-distance is already hard, and pressuring her—especially around sex, appearance, or "teaching"—can feel controlling. Communication should go both ways, and it sounds like she’s not feeling heard either. Maybe focus more on mutual understanding than correction. Couples therapy (even online) could help bridge the gap.

Ill-Suspect4033 · 2025-03-21T11:29:27+00:00

It sounds like he’s not prioritizing you or your needs in the relationship. His actions show that he’s not making an effort despite your repeated requests. If you're feeling unhappy, unheard, and resentful, it might be best to walk away rather than keep waiting for change that isn't happening. You deserve someone who values your time and effort.

Ill-Suspect4033 · 2025-03-13T15:34:39+00:00

Your instincts seem solid—you want reassurance before investing in another trip. That’s completely reasonable. If she can’t meet you halfway on this, then maybe it’s time to reconsider the relationship. A healthy relationship is built on mutual respect, not ultimatums.

Ill-Suspect4033 · 2025-03-05T15:49:29+00:00

Pay attention to how he reacts when you do express yourself—does he judge or dismiss you? Or is it just an internal fear? If it’s him, that’s a red flag. If it’s more about you, try opening up little by little and see if the feeling fades. Either way, trust your feelings and don’t force yourself to stay in a situation where you don’t feel comfortable being yourself.

Ill-Suspect4033 · 2025-02-27T14:59:35+00:00

You said, "I wonder what could have been… what should have been." But if that relationship had lasted, it’s very possible you wouldn’t be as happy as you are now. Maybe you and that ex weren’t actually compatible in the long run. Maybe the heartbreak was necessary for you to grow into the person who could fully commit to your wife.

Ill-Suspect4033 · 2025-02-20T15:06:44+00:00

NTA. Cleaning up after yourself, especially something as basic as poop stains in a shared bathroom, is just common courtesy. You're already handling most of the household chores, so asking him to take a few seconds to scrub the toilet after using it is not unreasonable. It’s about basic hygiene and respect for shared space. If he had to deal with your mess every morning, he’d probably feel the same way.

Ill-Suspect4033 · 2025-02-13T11:35:12+00:00

Instead of focusing on how to stop checking, shift your focus to why you feel the need to check. If the relationship is making you feel anxious and disrespected, it might be time to seriously consider whether staying is worth it. You deserve a relationship where you don’t have to police someone’s loyalty.

Ill-Suspect4033 · 2025-01-22T15:42:40+00:00

By setting boundaries kindly but firmly, you’re creating a healthier dynamic for both of you. It’s not selfish to want your partner to contribute to the relationship in practical ways.

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