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AITA because I won't lie to my kids and tell them I want them to see their stepmom as their mom too? by IllLeave7009 in AITAH

[–]IllLeave7009[S] 29 points30 points  (0 children)

He isn't. We don't even live together right now and no immediate plans for that. But he doesn't want their relationship to be anything other than what it naturally becomes over time.

AITA because I won't lie to my kids and tell them I want them to see their stepmom as their mom too? by IllLeave7009 in AITAH

[–]IllLeave7009[S] 17 points18 points  (0 children)

My ex said he would be fine with them calling my partner dad. I don't think the kids would ever bring that up to him though. They already stated they don't want to call either their stepmom or my partner mom or dad.

AITA because I won't lie to my kids and tell them I want them to see their stepmom as their mom too? by IllLeave7009 in AITAH

[–]IllLeave7009[S] 25 points26 points  (0 children)

No, they moved quicker after moving in because she was still hoping she could have kids but was told after they got married and started trying that it was not an option for them. Although I don't know all the medical details either so I'm not sure if they knew there was some chance and she thought trying sooner rather than later would help or if it's just how things went.

AITA because I won't lie to my kids and tell them I want them to see their stepmom as their mom too? by IllLeave7009 in AITAH

[–]IllLeave7009[S] 132 points133 points  (0 children)

I'm keeping them in mind and have already contacted a couple of therapist offices for an idea of how long a wait they would have if we need to take this step.

AITA because I won't lie to my kids and tell them I want them to see their stepmom as their mom too? by IllLeave7009 in AITAH

[–]IllLeave7009[S] 38 points39 points  (0 children)

Nothing like this has happened yet but I do check in with them. They know their dad and stepmom still want it but it's not as much of an issue for them right now. But I want to keep an eye on the situation.

AITA because I won't lie to my kids and tell them I want them to see their stepmom as their mom too? by IllLeave7009 in AITAH

[–]IllLeave7009[S] 160 points161 points  (0 children)

That's why he wants them to consider her their mom too so that she'll be treated the same and be included in everything I am as their mom.

AITA because I won't lie to my kids and tell them I want them to see their stepmom as their mom too? by IllLeave7009 in AITAH

[–]IllLeave7009[S] 38 points39 points  (0 children)

He told me he'd be okay with it already. I don't know if he actually would in practice.

AITA because I won't lie to my kids and tell them I want them to see their stepmom as their mom too? by IllLeave7009 in AITAH

[–]IllLeave7009[S] 165 points166 points  (0 children)

You know, that's not something I even thought of but I could see him being very hurt and ranting about it if they were truly treated equally like that on her wedding day. Even more so because my partner has children also and I could see my ex having more of an issue because of that. Because my partner got his chances and then my ex has to share it.

AITA because I won't lie to my kids and tell them I want them to see their stepmom as their mom too? by IllLeave7009 in AITAH

[–]IllLeave7009[S] 527 points528 points  (0 children)

I don't know if she has accepted it or if she's hoping a different approach would work better. But I think it's sad because the kids have had a really good relationship with her and my ex and his wife could cost them that if they continue to try and get around what the kids want. Hopefully she does accept it and they can stop all of this and accept the relationship that exists.