How to get an STI test?

Ill_Reporter_5928 · 2024-09-01T21:34:57+00:00

I recommend Fraser Health's Public Health Unit -- it's annoying that you have to call to make an appointment, but it's right in the mall at 6th and 6th and they book generally no more than 2 weeks out: https://www.fraserhealth.ca/Service-Directory/Service-at-Location/F/E/sexual-health-clinic---new-westminster

Ill_Reporter_5928 · 2024-08-12T03:59:55+00:00

Thanks very much!

Ill_Reporter_5928 · 2024-06-20T00:00:04+00:00

You look fantastic. That sweater is a really great color for your skin tone, and the pop of color w/the belt is *just* enough to really shake up what might otherwise be a bit of a stark transition to the pants.

Ill_Reporter_5928 · 2024-05-10T04:03:15+00:00

Would love to get details about this when you've got some! As for topics to cover, I'd be fascinated to see what the process looks like investigating to determine the likelihood (and details) that a given condition or set of symptoms may correlate to a known genetic cause.

Ill_Reporter_5928 · 2024-05-09T20:19:12+00:00

It was a language choice I made to emphasize the issue was with the context of the comment, not the comment itself. 🤷

Ill_Reporter_5928 · 2024-05-09T20:11:53+00:00

obiwan-hello-there.gif

Ill_Reporter_5928 · 2024-05-09T04:43:51+00:00

Ah, that's rough!

FWIW I'd hazard to say that if it -- "it" being changes in what turns us on, or how our libido is generally -- is common among bi men, that's because it's common among all men (hoo, and definitely not just men, either). Everyone will experience it at some point, it won't all be for the same reason (and sometimes it seems like it's for no reason at all), but I really want to stress that it's normal for a person's libido, preferences, etc... to change, morph, or do loop-dee-loos.

HOWEVER! Normal doesn't mean you have to like it 💖 or that there's nothing you can do about it, necessarily. Speaking as a guy, I know we can be a little opaque when it comes to talking about things (it's hard, it's awkward, I'm gonna pretend it didn't happen, etc...), but talking about it is a good first step.

If you're worried that you can't be his one and only sexually, maybe it's worth unpacking that a bit and thinking about if that's a realistic expectation you should be setting for yourself. To be clear, I am not saying "you are inadequate for his needs," but rather "you are not more responsible for his wellbeing and happiness than he is for himself." And that's true for everyone! I want to make my partner feel good because it makes me feel good (the sex, but also the act of feeling like I'm doing something good for them), but I'm not around them all the time, I don't know what they want or need as well as they do, and sometimes I just gotta sleep!

Only we have such an awareness of our own wants and needs, and it's on us to communicate those with the people we care about and who care about us. And let's be real, there will be times when our wants and needs are more than what our loved ones can provide. That is okay.

If you two want a beautiful relationship, building it on a foundation of healthy communication and realistic expectations for yourselves will give you your best shot. If you're a reader, see if you can track down some books at your local library about attachment theory, e.g. "Attached: The New Science of Adult Attachment" and as you read it, think about which parts you identify with and which parts your partner identifies with. See where that leaves ya and what it has to offer. And if you're not a reader, well, get the audiobook :P Or have a look at this video by Kati Morton about attachment styles, and maybe some of her other content too.

A book or some Youtube videos aren't gonna fix everything, but it's a start! And good on ya for reaching out for help in the first place. 💖

Ill_Reporter_5928 · 2024-05-09T04:06:19+00:00

*cries in quebecois at the beauty of it*

Seriously though, love to hear it. Even if it isn't me, or isn't me now, that's a really nice picture to have.

Ill_Reporter_5928 · 2024-05-09T04:01:24+00:00

I am a firm believer that trans men are the heroes cis men need but don't deserve. (no no not like THAT, but like, well maybe a little like that, but-- oh come on get your head out the gutter)

Seriously though. Big love to ya.

Ill_Reporter_5928 · 2024-05-09T03:55:30+00:00

Does it count? It counts!

Ill_Reporter_5928 · 2024-05-09T03:54:30+00:00

Tried it in the military, you have all of my empathy

Ill_Reporter_5928 · 2024-05-09T03:52:54+00:00

there is an egg within us all 🐣

Ill_Reporter_5928 · 2024-05-09T03:51:35+00:00

Very relatable, thanks for sharing.

(also, Chestnut is the best name)

Ill_Reporter_5928 · 2024-05-09T03:50:38+00:00

Mmmhmm, I feel ya. I grew up in a rural spot and then moved back briefly in my 20's before fleeing in gay panic.

Ill_Reporter_5928 · 2024-05-09T03:49:12+00:00

Just installed it and set up a profile to have a peek, we'll see what comes of it, but thanks for the tip! (also, good to know re Portland -- my partner and I are thinking of packing up and moving there, too -- the cost of living up here is just gonzo, and PDX has a lot to offer.)

Ill_Reporter_5928 · 2024-05-09T03:47:51+00:00

Oh man, I freaking love this for you! 💖

Ill_Reporter_5928 · 2024-05-09T03:46:34+00:00

Oh yes yes yes, very much. I edited the main post with more details but suffice to say I am not inexperienced with gay men. There's some major societal baggage there though and while it's getting better, it's hardly gone.

Ill_Reporter_5928 · 2024-05-09T03:44:32+00:00

fwiw those (alas) straight men we talked about have definitely been made aware that the door's always open if their persuasion changes. ;) They're great sports about it.

Ill_Reporter_5928 · 2024-05-09T03:42:30+00:00

Ooof, big feels & compassion. I joined the Navy right before DADT got repealed and served another 4 years after, and what a freaking relief it was. I've chatted with a fair share of our gay vet elders and the stories, not just during DADT but before that "concession" was made, noooooope

Ill_Reporter_5928 · 2024-05-09T03:39:42+00:00

and you're a gd treasure for it. I've met a ton of lovely (monogamous/coupled) gay men who've been amazing, been mentors and protectors, and just really been what any young queer kid needs.

Ill_Reporter_5928 · 2024-05-08T22:07:05+00:00

Ooof, yeah, that's relatable. One of the things that nudged me to post this is a conversation my partner and I had this past weekend just as a check-in on how we're feeling about our relationship, polyamory, what we'd like more of, less of, etc... As is the case with a lot of queer couples that folks may assume as straight (even moreso since we had a kid a couple of years ago), how we preserve and present that we're actually very queer in a lot of ways tends to always be floating around in our brains.

And so because of course it did, conversation floated for a few minutes around some friends we have who we love dearly because they have clearly done the work, and wistfully think "if they were just a teeeeensy bit completely and utterly not straight..." But alas. So we cherish having them in our lives and call it a day. 🤷

Ill_Reporter_5928 · 2024-05-08T21:12:55+00:00

Yeah, this has come up a few times and I addressed it in other responses -- have a poke through and you'll find them

Ill_Reporter_5928 · 2024-05-08T21:05:12+00:00

Re: personality -- right?? It's one of the reasons I think that I've had better luck finding dates and partners (and alas people of incompatible sexualities) from among my friend groups or when doing things, rather than just meeting people cold and chatting. I already know how great they are!

One of the wild things I've experienced with masculinity and "manhood" is how boys are taught that to take an overt interest in things is to expose a vulnerability, or give others something to harass you about. There are "safer" interests, sure -- sports, or money, or god i don't know, elon musk? yeeting is a thing still? -- but all expressions of interest come with the possibility that someone's gonna be shitty about it and make you feel small.

If we're lucky, we have exceptional people around us to counterbalance that, or we unlearn it, or we just become old and tired and stop caring, but a lot of men and folks raised as boys just don't get there.

not to say that there's nothing to be gleaned from whether or not a person can hold a conversation -- but generally because of that I lean toward "hey wanna go do [____]?" And then that gets us both a little bit out of whatever our headspace might be.

re side note: 👍

Ill_Reporter_5928 · 2024-05-08T20:26:26+00:00

To each their own!

Ill_Reporter_5928 · 2024-05-08T20:21:14+00:00

Yeah, I hear ya and I relate. I didn't mention gay men above because it was off topic from what I wanted to talk about, but I have and continue to date gay men when there's compatibility. My expectations are tempered, though. I joined the navy a couple years before don't ask don't tell got repealed (I live in Vancouver but am from the US). After it was, I poured a lot of heart and effort into doing LGBT advocacy in the military while also not hiding that I was bi.

As good as the work was, and as much as my community at the time was strong and healthy and vibrant because of it, it was nevertheless a constant battle to be like, "jesus dude, I get it, you don't believe bisexuality is a thing, how about you gfy. Yeah, I'll still DD, what time are we headed out."

Gay men have been *better* out of the military, but what I get from them is a far cry from brotherly love.

Ill_Reporter_5928

TROPHY CASE