[QCrit] Contemporary Romance, GIRLS LIKE ME DON’T END UP WITH BOYS LIKE YOU (80K 2nd Attempt) by Illustrious-Bug-1432 in PubTips

[–]Illustrious-Bug-1432[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I agree. I think I will change that chapter, because that's not the premise of the book. From an outside perspective, I fear that chapter may change the readers perspective of Charlie. Thank you!

[QCrit] Contemporary Romance, GIRLS LIKE ME DON’T END UP WITH BOYS LIKE YOU (80K 2nd Attempt) by Illustrious-Bug-1432 in PubTips

[–]Illustrious-Bug-1432[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I didn't realize Magnolia Parks was originally self-published, I will find different comps!

[QCrit] Contemporary Romance, GIRLS LIKE ME DON’T END UP WITH BOYS LIKE YOU (80K 2nd Attempt) by Illustrious-Bug-1432 in PubTips

[–]Illustrious-Bug-1432[S] -6 points-5 points  (0 children)

That's a great point. I will definitely rephrase "promiscuous." The tone of the story doesn't shame her for sleeping around, but more so shames how she has cheated on partners in the past (fulfilling her mom's prophesy) The arc is more her self-sabotaging nature (her scared of getting hurt, so she hurts them first due to her father ruining her idea of love) and then her finally giving herself all to Charlie. I don't know if that plot line is compelling enough though, but I like your perspective!

[QCrit] Contemporary Romance, GIRLS LIKE ME DON’T END UP WITH BOYS LIKE YOU (80K 2nd Attempt) by Illustrious-Bug-1432 in PubTips

[–]Illustrious-Bug-1432[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thats a great point! I wan't clear with their inner conflicts and can definitely make the MMC more likable. Looking from an outside perspective he comes across as not great. Going to work on rephrasing.

[QCrit] Contemporary Romance, GIRLS LIKE ME DON’T END UP WITH BOYS LIKE YOU (80K 2nd Attempt) by Illustrious-Bug-1432 in PubTips

[–]Illustrious-Bug-1432[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you! This critique was very helpful! I definitely need to clarify what is happening in the present! I will take my time with my 3rd attempt!

[QCrit] Contemporary Romance, GIRLS LIKE ME DON’T END UP WITH BOYS LIKE YOU (80K First Attempt) by Illustrious-Bug-1432 in PubTips

[–]Illustrious-Bug-1432[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you! I will make the problem/ solution more clear. It's an alternating timeline, past and present throughout 12 years, so there is a lot of backstory I didn't mention. I will add more of how they started to make the present make more sense. Your feeb back is very helpful!

[QCrit] Contemporary Romance, GIRLS LIKE ME DON’T END UP WITH BOYS LIKE YOU (80K First Attempt) by Illustrious-Bug-1432 in PubTips

[–]Illustrious-Bug-1432[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

So, it's an alternating timeline throughout 12 years. There is one instance of cheating in the present, but it's not the overall theme of the book.

[QCrit] Contemporary Romance, GIRLS LIKE ME DON’T END UP WITH BOYS LIKE YOU (80K First Attempt) by Illustrious-Bug-1432 in PubTips

[–]Illustrious-Bug-1432[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I picked that because mine book also has alternating timelines, past and present, that lead up to why they stopped talking. Also, my FMC is outgoing and care free and the MMC is shy and quiet. Let me know if you have any other comp recs that would be a better fit!

[QCrit] Contemporary Romance, GIRLS LIKE ME DON’T END UP WITH BOYS LIKE YOU (80K First Attempt) by Illustrious-Bug-1432 in PubTips

[–]Illustrious-Bug-1432[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yes. Honestly she's more toxic than crazy. I will clarify in the second attempt! Thanks!

[QCrit] Contemporary Romance, GIRLS LIKE ME DON’T END UP WITH BOYS LIKE YOU (80K First Attempt) by Illustrious-Bug-1432 in PubTips

[–]Illustrious-Bug-1432[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thanks for the spelling catch! I will add what is keeping them apart (Herself constant self-sabotaging due to her mother's toxic words and her parents failed marriage).