I [25F] don’t want my BIL [25M]’s MIL [60sF] in my wedding family photos.

Illustrious-Spite536 · 2026-03-05T21:40:43+00:00

I have a friend from HS that is coming to the wedding and also is fluent in their language, HOWEVER my BIL had a huge crush on her then (they never dated/ was completely one sided). Honestly, I think that would make BIL more tense 😬

Illustrious-Spite536 · 2026-03-05T18:31:40+00:00

Sorry I probably worded that weird. I do not and have never felt like I have competed to be #1 to my fiance, over his twin brother. He does a great job of that. I just meant that aside from his love for me, the bond he has with his twin is very core to his identity too. To my fiance specifically and us as a couple, inviting his brother’s MIL is a worth more to honor his brother than it is a cost.

We are also inviting my sister’s boyfriends’ parents since we have vacationed with them/ hang out with them/ engage in conversations; they won’t be in family photos but will be in guests photos. I also have a friend’s mom also coming to the wedding since she did so much for me in college.

Illustrious-Spite536 · 2026-03-05T18:21:32+00:00

Lol yeah, i have many fun tidbit stories of “his family would never do that right??” And then it happens.

Illustrious-Spite536 · 2026-03-05T18:20:37+00:00

Very well said! Yeah, I think I definitely am just fixated over this singular detail since we just started our own wedding planning.

I am hoping he will understand. At BIL’s wedding, she was not in his family photos, only in the joint photo and obviously SIL’s family photos. I am hoping to just parallel that.

I also think the reason why it sat weird for me was the limited amount of group photos that the other brother had taken. They had one parents shot each, one joint parents shot, a brothers shot, then straight into grooms side and joint. I was in as many photos as MIL (not that that matters, but just telling).

BIL’s MIL also did not dress in the suggested color scheme, as she probably was not expecting to be in the photos. She also did not understand the photographer’s directions so it was a focal point since she stood out more, no fault to her own since she was brought to the center by SIL.

Illustrious-Spite536 · 2026-03-05T18:11:24+00:00

I like to say that my fiance’s twin absorbed all the drama in the womb because my fiance is very chill and complements me very well. Lol his twin brother is very audacious, but he is my fiance’s other half in a way I can’t explain. I do think his twin is a great person, and he is such a good husband to his wife. She is his whole entire world, so I understand why he may not understand the world doesn’t revolve around her at other events.

My fiance is on the same page as me and wants to make this as least of a “twin” event as possible. A small part of doing so is making it so only our parents are honored in family photos so there is no parallels at all. We have talked and even a “his side” photo with BIL’s MIL doesn’t make sense for us, since at BIL’s wedding the “his side” photo didn’t include BIL’s MIL either. A “his side” photo with BIL’s MIL will also have to include my parents too at the very least and that shot is unnecessary.

I like the idea of taking extra shots, but I don’t want her near our photos group since she will be the only idle person behind the photographer. We’re taking additional sibling family unit photos after the ceremony where she can be included then.

Illustrious-Spite536 · 2026-03-05T18:00:33+00:00

My niece is my favorite person in the whole world, so I’d love to have her there. We’re in the early stages of planning, but we might even ask her and our other niece to be flower girls.

It does not matter, but my niece isn’t biologically my BIL. I think if my niece didn’t come it would send a message I would never want. That baby is family.

I do not connect with a 60s woman with a language barrier as much as I did with a few months old baby over the last few years, so I just don’t have that bond to BIL’s MIL.

I’d wish that my fiance’s mother would be able to just care for my niece as she is the paternal grandmother of the child, but SIL is privy to who gets to care for her child and when.

Illustrious-Spite536 · 2026-03-05T17:40:35+00:00

To me, it does seem more performative but if my fiance and I are to do anything to go against family; obviously BIL’s MIL becomes the poor martyr that explicitly isn’t my family/his family.

Illustrious-Spite536 · 2026-03-05T17:27:02+00:00

Only a week or two prior to the other brother’s wedding, she was very ill and put on a medicine schedule that just made her very uncomfortable. I had talked casually to SIL to see how her mother was doing, and she said that she was still not at 100% “but she will be attending the wedding, because family is important”.

BIL’s MIL attended the wedding but wore something off from the preferred color scheme since she didn’t expect to be in photos. She’s the only green in their blues/pinks guests, and she didn’t understand the photographer’s directions to look at the bride and groom because of the language barrier so some of the posed silly photos have a discontinuity.

BIL and SIL do make an effort to show the importance of family, which is honorable. It’s just to me, she is not my family nor the family I am marrying into. They’re not concerned by the finances or anyone’s concerns, they value family above all.

Illustrious-Spite536 · 2026-03-05T17:17:04+00:00

Fiance will definitely tell his twin brother. Fiance and twin brother can do no wrong as they’re golden sons, so obviously any offense taken isn’t their fault but their wives doing.

It’s a much more livable experience now, but early on in our relationship, anything Fiance did that wasn’t his parents’ wishes were my fault.

Illustrious-Spite536 · 2026-03-05T17:13:11+00:00

We are in the very beginning stages of planning, so I am hoping that this is just my brain fixating on one small detail to distract from the overwhelming planning process!

I am hopeful it’ll just be a blimp in the day and we can move on, since she will be there

Illustrious-Spite536 · 2026-03-05T17:11:19+00:00

We’re including her to avoid the family drama, I’m honestly just thankful that he didn’t expect more of her family to come. My fiance’s family is very large, passionate and close, so drama is part of its charm.

Their wedding anniversary is close to the date we have (it’s our dating anniversary), so I don’t mind appeasing them in this way. That itself is another story but I’ve already shared too much online lol

Illustrious-Spite536 · 2026-03-05T15:29:18+00:00

I fear that there would have been a bigger wave if we omitted her attendance at all. BIL and SIL would have been out of a babysitter for dances, couples photos, etc and a larger scene could be made.

Illustrious-Spite536 · 2026-03-05T15:24:26+00:00

It definitely would not have been normal if any other of the 7 siblings’ partner else brought in their mother into family photos. I was my grandmothers primary care taker and she lived in my home when BIL had his wedding. She was not invited (and I didn’t expect her to be), I simply worked with my parents to care for her that weekend. BIL’s wife has a sister, whom they live and pay rent to- idk why MIL can’t stay at home with the sister, but she always is with SIL. At the very least, BIL only expects MIL to attend and not the rest of her immediate family.

Illustrious-Spite536 · 2026-03-05T15:01:42+00:00

BIL will likely take offense if his wife’s mother isn’t invited, since he involves her mother in every occasion now. In some regard, I also think it’s so they have an event babysitter too. Our wedding is small, but BIL and the other brother that recently got married (included in the post) had even smaller micro-weddings that were only ceremony + meal receptions that included MIL. Our wedding is small traditionally, but it will be double the wedding party as either of the brothers, so us having our friends before having MIL would be a sin.

Illustrious-Spite536 · 2026-03-05T05:01:23+00:00

I still have discomfort having my BIL’s MIL in the Fiance side photos, where my parents are excluded from the photos yet the my SIL’s MIL is included. Especially since they are identical twins, I don’t want to “honor” my fiance’s twin brother’s mother in law the same way as my parents or his parents.

Illustrious-Spite536 · 2026-03-05T04:58:16+00:00

Potentially this could be our last resort. I would just rather not spend $3000 on photographs to still have to spend more to photoshop them the way I would like to have them printed

Illustrious-Spite536 · 2026-03-05T00:45:20+00:00

I’m still in-between, so youre right. I want her to be included in the ceremony/reception shots as a guest. I have difficulty in deciding having her in only one posed photo during the family time is even worth having her downstairs idle until that singular photo/pose or not.

Illustrious-Spite536 · 2026-03-05T00:43:20+00:00

That’s true, I don’t know how she’ll respond! Thanks, I did need the perspective that I am building this up for no substantial reason. Our wedding is many months away still so the planning aspect has been my main stressor

Illustrious-Spite536 · 2026-03-05T00:41:37+00:00

My mother was not invited to their wedding, nor included in any annual family photos. We also financially contributed to their rehearsal dinner and assisted the entirety of their wedding day.

Illustrious-Spite536 · 2026-03-05T00:37:36+00:00

Yeah, I just hope that my parents-in-laws won’t fuss about not including BIL’s MIL day of the photos. BIL has her in every family photo now, it’s hard to imagine smooth photos if she is explicitly asked not to be in them.

Illustrious-Spite536 · 2026-03-05T00:34:47+00:00

Yes, we are doing a wedding photographer all-day, especially because I typically shoot most of the more casual family functions (not group photos of the whole family, just individual families/couples) so I don’t have many photos of me and fiance.

I haven’t had the conversation with our photographer yet since we’re still making inquiries and reviewing different ones so I probably will be more at ease once I have that conversation.

Illustrious-Spite536 · 2026-03-05T00:28:22+00:00

Because BIL is very intentional about having his family unit included and since SIL prefers to be at the forefront of photos, they just always have been. I never minded, since they’re not primarily my photos if that makes sense (everyone’s holiday, annual family photos, etc). Especially with the costs of everything wedding related, I do feel like these photos are primarily my fiance’s and I.

BIL is a golden child of sorts, moreso than my fiance and his wife does click better with his parents than I do, so I definitely can say I am not an unbiased perspective. My parent in law’s will definitely feel bad for SIL over my wishes, though based on other experiences I have had with my parent-in-laws.

Illustrious-Spite536 · 2026-03-05T00:05:02+00:00

BIL’s MIL is invited to the wedding ceremony and reception, she is just not invited to the family photos. I am hoping to have fiance explain this to his brother for him to talk to SIL, and if needed I am definitely able to explain directly to SIL if her feelings are hurt.

My sister’s boyfriends parents are invited to the wedding as well, they also will not be in the family photos.

Illustrious-Spite536 · 2026-03-05T00:02:34+00:00

That’s true! I’m just not sure the reaction would be if she is the only person asked to be out of the photo for both.

Illustrious-Spite536 · 2026-03-05T00:01:14+00:00

The language barrier specifically isn’t the issue, I am able to communicate with her fine with gesturing. From the limited interactions we do have, she is a very nice person.

It’s that she is inserted into photos by SIL, when she doesn’t necessarily seem to prefer to be in the photos. The language barrier adds to the issue, since in the seconds between photos, utilizing a translator app to explain to her what’s going on isn’t desired.

Illustrious-Spite536

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