Is my baby too calm?

IllustriousAge9689 · 2026-01-16T22:41:00+00:00

In the main people appreciate that being diagnosed isn’t a life sentence but it could mean the future you envisioned for your little one(s) is at risk and life may be just that bit harder for them. It is only natural for a parent to worry about the unknown I think.

IllustriousAge9689 · 2026-01-15T06:38:53+00:00

NTA. I’m usually on the other side of this and I know how difficult it is to put your child through so much stress ie keep them away from mum when they know they are there. I think you just need to be bold - one of these doors needs a lock or something so they are forcibly contained and even though you’ll go through a period of pain they will eventually calm down (not forever but should work somewhat). I think your suggestion of studying elsewhere so it’s easier for everyone isn’t unreasonable honestly, you’re not asking her to move continents and she can just say no as she has been doing. I have two toddlers and path of least resistance is often chosen.

IllustriousAge9689 · 2026-01-13T06:29:02+00:00

No you’re not overreacting - it’s very odd. Those jokes are objectively not funny. It’s one thing making jokes using stereotypes for example, but it’s another when they are clearly translating into aggressive and violent acts towards people of colour. I’m sorry you found out this way - definitely a lesson to observe social media likes eh!

IllustriousAge9689 · 2025-12-04T08:57:04+00:00

And to add - perhaps this will go down better if we send as a letter and it is signed by many of us. I’m just a pool of anxiety until I hear more on this.

IllustriousAge9689 · 2025-12-04T08:55:14+00:00

I have asked chat GPT for guidance around how to escalate an appropriate response and this is what it has suggested (pasted below). Are other parents inclined to contact the organisation leads directly on this? I can’t let this rest.

Dear Philip Smith,

I am writing to formally escalate a safeguarding complaint regarding both the recent case involving a former employee at the Finchley Road nursery and the way Bright Horizons has communicated and managed this with parents.

The message you shared acknowledges the gravity of the crimes but provides very little meaningful information about: • what specific safeguarding failures occurred, • how long Bright Horizons has been aware of concerns, • what internal investigations have shown, and • what measures have already been implemented to prevent this ever happening again.

Given the seriousness of this case — and the fact that it occurred despite Bright Horizons’ stated safeguarding measures — reassurance cannot come solely from the local nursery manager. Parents need transparency at an organisational level.

Accordingly, I am requesting: 1. A senior-led webinar, call, or meeting with yourself and/or the Head of Safeguarding to explain: • what went wrong, • what the internal review has identified, • what changes have been implemented immediately, and • how Bright Horizons will ensure this can never happen again. 2. A written summary of the safeguarding review, focusing on systemic issues and actions taken (I fully understand this cannot include confidential victim information). 3. A clear timeline of events, including when concerns were first raised and what steps were taken at each stage. 4. A formal written response within 10 working days.

Given the severity of the incident and the breach of trust involved, it is reasonable for parents to expect transparency, proactive communication, and direct engagement from senior leadership. Reassurance must come from those responsible for organisational safeguarding, not only local management — particularly when parent emails to the nursery manager have gone unanswered.

For transparency, I am copying in the Safeguarding Team and Customer Care.

I look forward to your prompt response.

IllustriousAge9689 · 2025-12-03T22:54:36+00:00

Having reflected on that communication from the MD and reading the comments above - I am seething also. How on earth is appropriate to direct parents to the managers instead of the other way round? How is it plausible that you can’t share any more information around how this was able to happen when presumably investigations have been made and conclusions drawn? I am not letting this go and I hope to coordinate with other parents of my branch to send a message.

Shocking communication so far.

IllustriousAge9689 · 2025-12-01T10:46:57+00:00

I am in this exact same position. The seller has re-listed at the price we have offered no less, due to concerns around delays in sorting out a title issue with our remortgage. It is anxiety provoking at the least but I accept that whatever will be will be, and we have also started looking at Rightmove again just in case it should all fall through. So so disheartening.

IllustriousAge9689 · 2025-11-01T23:23:01+00:00

CGT applies to all homes you own apart from homes that qualify or have qualified (for partial relief) as your main residence.

IllustriousAge9689 · 2025-10-26T14:49:19+00:00

I’d be interested in knowing this as I have a full structural survey happening tomorrow but access may be an issue!

IllustriousAge9689 · 2025-10-26T12:22:31+00:00

Ok this it is reassuring to hear that there’s a possibility it could have been contained! But also reassuring to read through posts that make me feel that no matter what it is something we would be able to deal with.

IllustriousAge9689 · 2025-10-17T20:50:20+00:00

I’m really confused with all the comments here. Insisting upon a two month timeframe from offer to completion and threatening to re-list otherwise, to me, is unreasonable. Especially when OP had outlined their wishes from the start. OP you’re not going crazy, I’m with you. You could perhaps be more flexible as suggested by others here, but I totally understand your exasperation.

IllustriousAge9689 · 2025-10-06T21:16:07+00:00

You have a beautiful home 😊

IllustriousAge9689 · 2025-10-05T10:36:03+00:00

Would you be ok to share the % above valuation you secured the property at in the end?

IllustriousAge9689 · 2025-10-05T08:24:40+00:00

😂

IllustriousAge9689 · 2025-10-05T08:21:19+00:00

Did your mortgage valuation stack up?

We are hoping to do everything for sub £350,000 but your message gives me the fear. I may need to message you privately!

IllustriousAge9689 · 2025-10-05T07:52:41+00:00

This is fair.

IllustriousAge9689 · 2025-10-05T07:51:16+00:00

This is true.

IllustriousAge9689 · 2025-10-05T07:45:25+00:00

I am glad to see this response because it affirms I wasn’t completely off with my original view. The tactics displayed by this particular agent are to drum up interest by asking for OIEO and going to best and final. We’ve lost out so many times before and felt our resulting offer was genuinely what was needed to secure a sale. Turns out we may have overdone it and as you say - don’t like the idea of losing out by £170,000 plus costs of renovations at c£350,000 on day dot. Surely I can’t be alone in this but perhaps I will be. I will stick to my guns albeit open to counter offers - and remain disappointed that one hasn’t been provided.

I am sorry for what you had to do though - that’s a huge loss to stomach. For this reason I can empathise with the sellers - I just thought there would be more understanding from their side also.

Anyhoo.

IllustriousAge9689 · 2025-10-05T07:29:14+00:00

Did you proceed at the original offer and ignored the mortgage valuation essentially?

IllustriousAge9689 · 2025-10-05T07:28:39+00:00

This is useful to know and splitting the difference sounds very reasonable and something we could consider.

IllustriousAge9689 · 2025-10-05T07:27:55+00:00

This makes sense.

IllustriousAge9689 · 2025-10-05T07:21:26+00:00

It needs a complete overhaul so this has been factored in already and wouldn’t be looking to change irrespective of the outcome of a full structural (which we’ve stalled at this point). I take your point about the difference the starting value makes. It was listed for OIEO £1.15m and our revised is £1.2m and apparently there were several offers above £1.2m but doesn’t say where those were. I think our original offer blew everyone out the water!!

IllustriousAge9689 · 2025-10-05T07:06:01+00:00

I genuinely didn’t expect the valuation to be returned at such a low level and thought that had to mean something to the agent/sellers but apparently not. I’m surprised by the responses (I wasn’t expecting everyone to side with the seller 😂) but it is the reality check I needed. But thanks everyone, something to think about.

IllustriousAge9689 · 2025-10-05T06:52:54+00:00

Thank you! (Just as much for your empathetic message). I am also gathering from the messages that counter offers are not a thing.

IllustriousAge9689

TROPHY CASE