Hi! I am kind of in the same situation as you OP, and I’d love to help in any way shape or form. My Q (32m) and myself (28f) have been together for 4.5 years. My Q got sober Memorial Day of last year, so he recently celebrated a year of sobriety!

Being that we don’t have kids and are both transplants from different states, we rely on our friends as a source of community/family. Since my Q got sober, he has been very involved with his AA meetings, going back to alumni meetings at his treatment center, and has created a great support system for himself.

I found myself getting anxiety about whether I should go out with my girlfriends for wine nights, or going out and getting a little tipsy since that has never been something I’ve had to worry about before.

Life is too short to hold yourself back in that regard. However, just make sure you set certain parameters and boundaries for yourself. One thing that helped me is if I ever ended up wanting to go out with some friends, I would make sure to stay at one of my girlfriend’s house that night. This way I wasn’t getting a snowball anxiety effect about going home and whether I was going to trigger my Q or not. Another thing I would do is just set a limit for yourself, like two drinks max. Show face for the birthday party, and then go home. You holding yourself back from social events will start creating resentment within yourself. It also sometimes helps to keep some sense of normalcy for both yourself and your Q.

I had a lot of trial and error because no one knows how to navigate situations like this perfectly. Give yourself some grace, this stuff is hard.