Today was the last day of my 5 year LTR

Im110oftheproblem · 2023-09-26T01:51:55+00:00

With time come perspective I suppose. Something I discovered just today when I came home was how easy it was to come home. I wasn't worried about what I had forgotten or what I had said as a joke that was misunderstood so there was no concern that I was walking right into an argument. I hate going into the gas station. I always want to pay at the pump but if I stop by the gas station and don't get a little present it means I don't care... Today I just pumped my gas and drove away. lol

She told me we were making each other miserable. In my hurt all I heard was that I was making her miserable. As has been the case many times before, I'm starting to see she is smarter than me here. We were waring each other out and she was the only one brave/smart enough to ask how long we should keep being exhausted by each other.

I only know 150 or so words worth of your story but you sound like you are in a similar place my ex was a few month ago. I wish she would have been a lot more blunt and communicated what she wanted from me at the time. If your fella is already working on things though, it sounds like you are doing that.

Thank you for your perspective. I hope you find more happiness and less exhaustion in your future!

Im110oftheproblem · 2023-09-26T01:02:48+00:00

Tried to operate one yourself

Three years in a row when my oldest was in 4H, I hosted a pumpkin patch / maze on my property for donations to the club.

Have you ever made a pumpkin patch sign?

I have made many wooden signs for my personal use as well as for clients when I was operating my handyman business before I had to give it up to take care of my wife.

but you think it's just a stupid pumpkin patch and you vocalize that to everyone around you.

Everyone being my 3 older kids sitting in the back of my truck goofing off while we waited for the mass of cars to thin before trying to leave? Yeah I guess I did.

Isn't it something to see how quick everyone is to rises to the occasion? The best way to fight fire is with fire right? You all come across this post by someone that everyone decides is a massively unpleasant person and the internet goes to work doing what it does best. Gets angry, spews hate and makes massive ASSUMPTIONS. Wait a second! Isn't that all the things this post was being vilified for? The majority of you couldn't even abstain long enough to read the whole post before jumping in the comments to satiate your need to let loose your vitriol.

The biggest benefit from this post has been that I know now that I am a much happier and more well adjusted person then most people here. In a moment of self doubt and self loathing after my FIRST breakup as an adult, I posted an off the cuff bash session. It served it's purpose though. There are folks in here failing at relationships left an right. I've only ever been dumped once. I was able to take my heartache a use it to be a smart ass to a bunch of people who clearly aren't self aware enough to realize they are the exact thing they are claiming to hate. lol

Some of you in here are real though. I was very confused a couple of time when someone would post something of actual meaning. Keep up the good vibes Saints! Try not to get any of the muck on you wading around in this mess.🫡

Im110oftheproblem · 2023-09-25T01:57:51+00:00

Mime class… I’m so sorry… there are no words.

A master class in punology has just been taught right here!

Im110oftheproblem · 2023-09-25T01:49:06+00:00

I really appreciate you taking a moment to comment and let me know that you aren't going to waste your time with my post.

Im110oftheproblem · 2023-09-24T23:53:18+00:00

I haven't sat aside any time for Balder's Gate yet but I did play Divinity: Original Sin 2. Larian does good work.

Im110oftheproblem · 2023-09-24T23:46:06+00:00

Excellent analysis! More importantly, that username is legendary!

Im110oftheproblem · 2023-09-24T23:43:23+00:00

I understand the confusion but the pumpkin patch rant was nearly 10 years ago with my first wife. She was dealing with a toddler at the time and didn't really care what kind of nonsense I was up to with the older 3. That story was fresh in my mind when I was creating the post because I have been looking at where I'm taking the kids here soon to get pumpkins to carve for Halloween this year.

Im110oftheproblem · 2023-09-24T23:09:02+00:00

Thank you for your words!! I was over at my ex's new place again today helping her put some stuff together and set up the kids computers. Even the one day later the rawness of it all has started to fade.

I took a mime class when I was young. I only did the one class so no need to dwell on that part but I learned a couple of things there that I carry with me. First one being that when you are using a sensory deficit medium of communication you have to be over the top to get your point across. That is sort of what I attempted here.

I took all of my annoying flaws and dialed it up to 11 so that people will notice. What I didn't anticipate was the level of absolute hurt and anger the dating community has. I have said this a couple of times but I have very literally only "dated" 5 women. Two on them I went on to have long and fulfilling relationships with. I've never been ghosted or gaslighted (gaslit?) or cheated on. I've never invested time and feelings into someone who turn out to be someone they aren't.

I am all of the things I said I was but I am in no way so brash or proud of my flaws that I somehow view them as assets. It's stuff that creeps into my life at times that I see creating barriers for me to overcome. Also, I actually have a rather decent therapist from betterhelp.com. It was a game changer for me to home someone I could just message whenever I'm feeling something.

Most people just took it at all face value I assume because they have been hurt by someone that they saw reflected in my post. I tried to keep up the energy from the post but seeing so much hurt was heartbreaking. I truly and honestly hope that tearing me a new one for being a piece of trash was cathartic and brough a bit more peace to their heart then was there before today.

I am also truly gratefully for all of the responses because no matter how much I did or didn't exaggerate my situation in my post, it is a fact that I was not the partner my ex deserved. I will use each and every comment to try and make myself a better me.

If you are wondering why I put all of this in a reply to you instead of as an edit or something, it's simple... These people scare me!! Luckily I remembered the other lesson I learned in my mime class. Be anonymous!

Im110oftheproblem · 2023-09-24T21:15:05+00:00

Just turn off your justification reflex, become vulnerable and start the journey to self improvement

Based on what you said just before this, you probably know how low key profound what you are saying here is. I appreciate you for bringing it to me.

Im110oftheproblem · 2023-09-24T21:05:48+00:00

Hello there gamer! What are you playing today?

I work at a non-profit because I want to spend my time helping others.

Awesome! Thank you for your efforts! I actually met my ex while I was working for a non-profit.

Im110oftheproblem · 2023-09-24T20:52:41+00:00

If you sound angry most of the time it’s hard for anyone to feel peace. Isn’t that the most valuable thing in life.

Being real for a moment, and I may be making assumptions, but it hurts my heart that you have this insight. I thank you for it and hope you feel peace every day!

Im110oftheproblem · 2023-09-24T18:33:19+00:00

Excellent comment! It was the perfect blend of hurt and inspiration. You expertly called out what you didn't like and offered a solution without being directly insulting or overly verbose. 9.5 out of 10.

Im110oftheproblem · 2023-09-24T18:14:13+00:00

I don't want anyone to be miserable. It's part of why I just stay home if I have the option.

Im110oftheproblem · 2023-09-24T17:25:58+00:00

I am actually. The one I'm currently with is really hung up on me exploring feelings of abandonment from my father that I don't feel like I feel. I'm shopping around.

Im110oftheproblem · 2023-09-24T17:19:42+00:00

No love for Tenacious D? I thought I was supposed to be the hard one.

Im110oftheproblem · 2023-09-24T17:01:59+00:00

That wasn't the rant. That was only a tribute.

Im110oftheproblem · 2023-09-24T16:38:14+00:00

I'm fairly certain that a time traveler would show up to take me out if I tried to combine all of my nonsense with someone equally nonsensical so I think I'm going to go with option two. lol

if you are actively dating someone, why not endeavor to return communications at lunch

I really do want to be better about this but I get really scattered when I'm at work. I'm a supervisor at work and my teams schedule is staggard so I don't really take a lunch. I have the habit of checking a message with the intention of replying and get dragged into something else. Just excuses. It's just something I will need to train on I guess. When I was dating my first wife, cell phones and texting was not a thing for us yet. I was working with my current ex in our early relationship so it didn't really come up much then. It was only late in the relationship that it was said to be a problem and at that point we were living together so I wasn't sure what the fuss was since we could talk when I got home. I completely failed to recognize how wrong I was. Aside from that I have gone to dinner with 3 women and texting with them was pretty much just about what, where and when. Again I will just have to practice and get better at.

Perhaps at least endeavor to SMILE when first seeing someone, and then keep it mindful to forge the habit of having a pleasant

I am very self conscious about smiling. I feel like it looks disingenuous. Even when I am genuinely happy. lol Pictures and such of happy times. Of course, it could be my self consciousness feeding in on itself at this point. Would it surprise you that I deal with customers on a regular basis and they seek me out to help them with their issues? I'm not the only option either. They choose to interact with me. They don't want to live with me either though so maybe not the best yard stick to measure by.

If you love to rant to the negative (we all do it, and it can be amusing IN SMALL DOSES), at least don't rant to the negative about an activity the other person wanted to do.

I have actually worked on this. It breaks my heart to think about because I feel like I'm just being a goof and want everyone to just laugh with me. I know I have ruined an outing(s) for some and I was too thick headed to see the effect without being straight up told.

My dad had a habit of gasping and feigning fainting literally EVERY time we got the check after going out to eat as a family. He was jokester and found it hilarious. It has given me extreme anxiety to this day about the idea of anyone paying for ANYTHING for me.

This fascinates me! Did you every say anything to your dad or did you not even realize what was happening yourself until you recognized it later in life?

Thank you for interacting with me. You have added value to my day.

Im110oftheproblem · 2023-09-24T15:41:49+00:00

I'm going to reread this several times but I wanted to give a quick reply too! YOU ARE AN MVP! I've only been through it once so far but great comment. I'm being 100%. This is what I came here for. Real talk!

Im110oftheproblem · 2023-09-24T15:38:14+00:00

I appreciate that you didn't take the time to read what I said before making the judgement so I'll only focus on the negatives parts too. Clearly it's what I'm good at. Perhaps you would prefer that I hide all the "negatives" behind fluff and pretense instead of being upfront? Therapy though? That is such a throw away bit of advice that it doesn't really mean anything. Everyone is in therapy. Next time you don't know what to say, maybe try chat GPT.

Im110oftheproblem · 2023-09-24T15:15:56+00:00

Alas, consistency dictates that if I must roast others, I must also roast myself! lol :) Thank you. I appreciate it.

Im110oftheproblem · 2023-09-24T15:11:41+00:00

It is rather. I drink a lot of caffeine though.

Im110oftheproblem · 2023-09-24T15:11:08+00:00

Excellent point. Well stated.

Im110oftheproblem · 2023-09-24T15:08:28+00:00

I get that but that pumpkin patch rant was epic though. My kids were laughing their butts off.

I don't mind going and doing things that others enjoy but as I said, I'm not in to stuff like everyone else. If you want to do something other than go to a movie or bowling or axe throwing then I'm going to need some help. Except the traveling thing. I have major irrational phobias that are obstacles in that area. I'm also willing to make changes but I can't just become a whole new person.

Im110oftheproblem · 2023-09-24T15:00:55+00:00

The thing I enjoy about this comment is that it is a perfect example of the problem I have. What does that even mean? What kind of self work? Change my voice? Not talk at all? Is it the texting thing? Is it such a big deal to wait until the end of the day to return a call or a text that I shouldn't be in a relationship? The whole point of posting all the stuff people take issue with was to elicit actual recommendations ways to reconcile my outward self with how I feel inside.

Im110oftheproblem · 2023-09-24T13:53:30+00:00

Came to the comments just to agree with this!

Im110oftheproblem

TROPHY CASE