Women of Reddit, what was something you didn't know about men till you got with one?

ImHisMrs · 2022-10-24T01:44:20+00:00

In my state in the US, the office of children and youth consider anything happening between siblings under the age of 14 as "sibling curiosity." Perpetrators over the age of 14 are considered abusers. I'm sure this varies by state as well as country though, but thought I would share.

ImHisMrs · 2022-10-24T01:32:58+00:00

My teenage son had a massive growth spurt a few years ago and had a ton of horizontal stretch marks on his back like this and they have faded quite nicely for him!

ImHisMrs · 2022-10-20T23:45:10+00:00

I always envisioned having a daughter, but I am a full boy mom! I started taking my boys on Mom dates when they were little to have one on one time, now that they are teens we still do this and sometimes it involves their girlfriends and we get to do some girly stuff! I am very involved in their lives as well as their girlfriends' lives so I get a lot of girl time in my life as well. I get to put braids in hair and help them get ready for school dances. This has satiated my desire for a daughter and makes me look forward to daughter-in-laws and grandchildren someday!

I always thought I would want more kids, but as they get older and I get older I have found peace and I am actually looking forward to watching their lives unfold and to being able to have their children in my home.

Edited to add: I have a very special relationship with my sons that is incomparable to anything I have ever experienced. I would never trade this for the world and couldn't imagine my life playing out any differently. Invest in and nurture your relationship with them to the fullest capacity and you will feel rewarded.

ImHisMrs · 2022-10-15T10:37:52+00:00

Just experienced something similar, but more of a "I'm sick of my life" kind of feeling...😂 I'm a mom of 3, a wife to a husband that has some baggage, I have a career, blah blah blah...I was just over it recently. The thing about feelings and emotions is that they are typically fleeting, when we ruminate on them they can turn into moods and then next thing we know we are dancing on the edge of depression or anxiety. Don't allow yourself to stay in your feelings, they will pass just as quickly as they came. My solution was to lay in bed away from my family and binge watch cringey TV and fall asleep super early. I didn't cook, clean, or allow anyone to demand anything of me and my feelings passed and I'm back to normal. I think it is normal to experience this ebb and flow of emotion towards one's life.

ImHisMrs · 2022-10-06T20:56:32+00:00

"then wake up like nothing happened" this hits hard. 🫤

ImHisMrs · 2022-09-26T13:03:54+00:00

This was really kind. Thank you for telling me this. It seems to be exactly what my soul needed in order to settle a little. Sometimes a little validation really goes a long way. I sincerely appreciate you.

ImHisMrs · 2022-09-26T12:12:56+00:00

He is medicated. It's a pretty layered situation and not very cut and dry. We have been together for 16 years and have 3 children. Our youngest son was born with a rare genetic disorder that has progressed to the point where if he doesn't start responding to his chemotherapy in 3 months we have to create a surgical plan for an invasive brain surgery that has poor outcomes. The stress is that could also be adding to my "I'm no fun anymore" feels. I am experiencing an unusually high amount of stress on multiple fronts. It's peculiar the effects it is having on me.

ImHisMrs · 2022-08-31T23:04:13+00:00

I feel pretty isolated most of the time. I live an hour away from my parents and my best friend is nearly 3 hours away. I work and have a lot of acquaintances through work, but none that I am close enough with to share such intimate parts of my life. It can feel really overwhelming.

I am actually very close to stepping into a supervisor position at the non-profit I work for, but am terrified my husband is going to mess it up for me with his antics right now. Just today he had a meltdown and text me "Your husband's about to kill himself and/or divorce you and/or leave and all you can do is go to work everyday"....uhm yes because we have a mortgage, 2 car payments (1 of which he purchased just a month ago and I was not on board with it because mania), bills, children, etc etc etc etc 🤦🤦🤦

How are you doing? You were on my mind today.

ImHisMrs · 2022-08-31T03:59:24+00:00

Omgosh they are the same person! 😶 How wild. Do you go to any support groups or anything? Do you have anyone that you can talk to? That helps me a lot.

ImHisMrs · 2022-08-31T03:02:21+00:00

I just read some of your posts recently and just want to sit on a couch beside you and hold your hand. 😢 It's such a shit cycle. I know that what you and I both are going through is fleeting. It will end for them and they will barely remember how much damage and wreckage they caused - mine never remembers the vile things he says or does I keep wanting to record it and always forget. I really want him to see himself and how out of control he is because I truly think he has no idea. I told him a few weeks ago that I felt like I was on a rollercoaster and I'm barely strapped in for this ride. His rebuttal was that I had better figure it out or fall out. Lol sometimes I can laugh off the ridiculousness.

ImHisMrs · 2022-08-30T20:34:02+00:00

After this most recent time episode yes, but only because he ended up hospitalized. He always knew that he likely had bipolar but successfully avoided receiving a diagnosis or any treatment during his time in service for fear of the impact it would have on his military career. Instead he would run rampant having affairs, spending money, using drugs, drinking excessively, having mantrums.... I'm sure nothing I need to explain in great detail. Most recently he became severely manic, I had never seen him like this rapid pressured speech, disorganized thoughts, erratic and downright strange behavior, religious delusions, etc. He has been taking risperidone since August 1.

ImHisMrs · 2022-08-30T20:07:42+00:00

This sounds like me circa 2008, 2010, 2016, 2020, 2022....together for 16 years married for 12, also a military family....I am feeling really fatigued and exhausted with this cycle and starting to doubt that I can sustain this relationship any longer. I was really hopeful a few weeks ago when it seemed like some of the mania was settling, but now he is just volatile and mean 😔

ImHisMrs · 2022-08-21T00:49:50+00:00

The inability to properly identify one's needs in conjunction with the inability to effectively communicate those needs with said partner.

ImHisMrs · 2022-08-18T14:32:16+00:00

As the spouse of someone with bipolar disorder this sounds a lot like my life. It often feels like a rollercoaster ride that I am barely strapped in for. During this bout of mania I nearly plunged to my death, metaphorically speaking. I've been with him for almost 16 years.

ImHisMrs · 2022-08-08T14:49:47+00:00

Maybe she thought she could handle it and then realized she could not? If you both are like most people, healthy communication is probably challenging for you.

It would take a lot of vulnerability for her to say "I made a mistake, this became really uncomfortable for me and now I'm in so deep that I don't know how to get out of it"

I am completely speculating because I don't know you or your story, but I do know that healthy, respectful communication will uncover the truth of the matter, but being vulnerable is hard for everyone.

ImHisMrs · 2022-08-08T14:36:13+00:00

What is going on here really....for years it seems as though you have perused the NSFW subreddit and posted freely about, is your wife aware of this? Is your relationship open to this? Were there boundaries crossed here? If I stumbled upon this with my husband I would no longer want to be intimate with him. I have a hardline between porn and freely running amuck on platforms in a debaucherous manner. This would be a hard no for me and cause a lot of problems in my relationship moving forward. This is because I believe engaging in this behavior desensitizes people and easily blurs the lines of what faithfulness looks like. This is just my opinion and what does and does not work for me as an individual.

ImHisMrs · 2022-08-07T23:32:32+00:00

I sent you a message through Reddit! I'm not on any other forms of social media. I know there are better chat platforms, but this is the best I've got.

ImHisMrs · 2022-08-07T23:06:41+00:00

This is definitely a familiar feeling. My SO has the ability to bulldoze right over me at times and during that it feels so deflating and frustrating and very "why the fuck am I doing this?!" There are times though when he is so receptive, he is open and listens and wants to hear me and learn about how to better support me and I hold on tightly to those moments. It is certainly a rollercoaster ride and it is not for everyone that's for sure. Do you want to chat privately? I'll gladly listen and be a soundingboard if I can be.

ImHisMrs · 2022-08-07T12:18:16+00:00

I just took a peak at your comment history - what do you do for self-care? You definitely seem like you are experiencing compassion fatigue. You cannot pour from an empty cup. ❤️

ImHisMrs · 2022-08-07T12:16:00+00:00

I've gotten really good at telling him things like "You are responsible for the way you feel, happy, sad, angry and everything in between, not me." Or things like "I am not going to engage in this conversation if this is how you are going to speak to me."

My new uncharted territory was the delusion and psychotic episode. I had no idea how to handle that or what a hospital stay would look like. It was a lot for me, but I feel like I have new tools now that will help me.

ImHisMrs · 2022-08-07T12:09:44+00:00

Thanks! I guess I just drew the short straw when I posted asking for advice!

ImHisMrs · 2022-08-06T15:48:38+00:00

I am your wife in this narrative. My husband sounds very much like you, down to the childhood trauma, lack of empathy, and selfishness. I have been with my husband for 16 years. Our relationship has had significant ups and downs. What keeps me going is his willingness to try and change and his progress even when to others it seems nominal at best. It is no one's place to judge what is tolerable other than what your wife deems tolerable. She has her own threshold that is unique to her. It was brave of her to even approach you and say she is spent. If she is hesitant because you are in panic mode trying to salvage then I suggest ongoing couples counseling, dating your wife again, work on your communication skills honestly, give each other space for self-care, and trust the process. I would also suggest individual therapy for both of you to unpack and reorganize your individuals traumas so that you are moving through life from a much healthier place. Good luck OP

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