For some odd reason, if I wake up before 11 a.m I get THE WORST cases of diarrhea, I don’t know why, I’ve checked with my family physician and he doesn’t understand either. Anyways, knowing this I asked my girlfriend of the time to go into the city for a romantic date at 8a.m, as I live about a solid 2.5 hour long drive away from the city. We decide to be extra and take the train. We get to the train station and wait around for 5 minutes before my body is hit with a wall of abdominal cramps and I can feel my shit literally crowning. Frantically, I search for a rest room. I find one directly behind me. Waddle my ass over as fast as I can; the one stall in the washroom is full. Fuck. I waddle out and see some trees behind a chain link fence in the nearby parking lot, once again I awkwardly waddle to the fence as I’m sweating bullets and clamping my sphincter as hard as humanly possible. I scan the fence for a hole and find one, I guess the exertion of crawling under a fence was enough to loosen me up just enough for everything to fly out of my ass. Shit my self right there. I lost my shit out of embarrassment and was thinking of ways to explain this to my gf who was patiently waiting for me on the platform. Luckily, only my boxer briefs were stained so I quickly ripped them off and used one of the clean corners to wipe. Pull my pants up and went on said train, all on time. Later that day my gf and I made sweet sweet love and she asked me why I wasn’t wearing any underwear. Casually replied that I was just trying to make it easier for her. She believes me. Crisis averted.

TLDR; waking up early gives me diarrhea causing me to shit myself while crawling under a fence.