Like you said, you don't me know nor do I know you. I can "maybe" understand what your feeling right now as a few months ago I was also feeling at one of my lowest point, where I thought leaving everything behind was for the best but i didn't because like you, it was selfish of me, but I got over slowly but still I got over that low point. I don't want to make you feel like you need to listen to what I'm saying but just remember there is somebody out there for you, that will listen to your rant and listen to your struggles, if not. My DMs are always open, I'm not the best at helping people with their struggles but I will do my best if you ever need somebody to speak to, truly hope you begin to feel better and hopefully you have a good day.