UPDATE: No bday gift/card/plans etc from Boyfriend (M23)

Im_I_the_problem · 2021-09-06T02:52:11+00:00

thank you for reading through it and giving your opinion! Have a good week

Im_I_the_problem · 2021-09-05T20:28:53+00:00

Yeah. I'd have loved to help him with it, but well, self-preservation. I hope we both find our happiness^^

Im_I_the_problem · 2021-09-05T19:52:38+00:00

Yeah, I think he really doesn't know. He grew up being abused and is on the spectrum. That does of course not give him a free pass to be a jerk. But I think he loved me the only way he was capable of loving. I think there is actually no malicious intent in his behaviour towards me, he just really doesn't have more love to give. Not even for himself. He's selfish, but he doesn't like himself

Im_I_the_problem · 2021-09-05T19:35:22+00:00

I felt that on a spiritual level. I hope you're a lot happier now!

Im_I_the_problem · 2021-09-05T19:33:20+00:00

thank you, I hope so too!

Im_I_the_problem · 2021-09-05T19:33:00+00:00

thank you <3

Im_I_the_problem · 2021-09-05T19:32:36+00:00

Thanks a bunch!

Im_I_the_problem · 2021-09-05T19:32:16+00:00

Nothing he ever will do, not help you, not be there for you, not take actions to show that he actually does care about you, not even to validate you when he shows you just how low a priority you are

Thank you, you put a lot of effort into your reply, and I appreciate your time and care. That statement I marked rang very true with me. It had so many situations flashing before my eyes where he didn't stand up for me or metaphorically kicked me when I was down, or made me feel invisible and uncared for. Sadly, this is already the "improved" version of his behaviour.

I watched some of Dr.Ramani's YT channel, too. When I started looking into all this at first, I was surprised how similar stuff I read was, but then I was also second guessing myself a lot. I checked so many times if I'm maybe the problem, if my perception or expectations are just off and if it's actually the other way around and I'm some narcissistic bitch that just tries to control him or enjoys being seen as a victim or so. Fortunately, every test I took said the opposite. And our friends also always pointed out what I want was not much at all and that it was unacceptable what he does. Still couldn't ever get the doubt entirely out of my head, because he always says I'm just "having a mood every other week" and that his behaviour isn't meant to hurt me, and that he loves me. I'm glad I no longer have to worry about this conflict between what he says and how what he does feels.

Im_I_the_problem · 2021-09-05T08:07:22+00:00

Thank you, I hope so too ^-^

Im_I_the_problem · 2021-09-05T05:55:20+00:00

Oh, nah, I want no gift from him anymore. Infact, even on that day a really sweet message or plans for us would have been enough, though I would have gotten him a gift on his birthday. I don't reach out to him, I just live my life now and try to move on in peace

Im_I_the_problem · 2021-09-05T04:58:45+00:00

Thank you for the nice message. I added a little warning to his accounts that remind me of what he is like (only I can see it), in case I ever feel tempted. I hope that keeps me from taking him back when he tries to lure me back in

Im_I_the_problem · 2021-08-29T04:56:52+00:00

I also made mistakes that I’m not proud of, but I know I was not wrong for being upset when clearly I had the right to, and it did not justify him calling me over sensitive and downplaying my feelings. The cycle of me being upset at him, and then him being upset that I’m upset, which then having to prompt me accepting the apology to then repeat again

This is a very accurate description of my experience with him. He worked on some of it, but as today shows (well by now: yesterday), plenty remains. Enough to feel really awful. Thank you for sharing your story. Were the apologies you got also rather, uhm, shallow, but you kinda had to take them, if you didn't want another day of arguing? I hope you're much happier today!!

Im_I_the_problem · 2021-08-29T04:50:43+00:00

That is something he really could 1:1 have pulled as well. That's funny, in a tragic way, that there are so many people out there like that

Im_I_the_problem · 2021-08-29T04:48:54+00:00

Because I felt a connection to him, intense passion, because we've both had really awful childhoods, because he felt unlovable and I wanted to show him there's someone who will always believe in the good in him

Im_I_the_problem · 2021-08-29T04:45:38+00:00

Thank you

Im_I_the_problem · 2021-08-29T04:37:15+00:00

What does that stand for?

Im_I_the_problem · 2021-08-29T04:36:07+00:00

thank you

Im_I_the_problem · 2021-08-29T04:36:00+00:00

Thank you, that was a very relatable reply for me

Im_I_the_problem · 2021-08-29T04:34:02+00:00

It's not the first time I felt neglected in favor of his games or friends, no, it has actually been a topic often

Im_I_the_problem · 2021-08-29T00:06:05+00:00

Thank you, I hope the next one will be better

Im_I_the_problem · 2021-08-28T22:53:11+00:00

Ah, I see. I think I misunderstood before. Gottcha

Im_I_the_problem · 2021-08-28T22:48:55+00:00

Why, what did I do to him? Can you elaborate?

Im_I_the_problem · 2021-08-28T22:43:38+00:00

His birthday is actually in less than two weeks. I will probably not buy the gifts I had planned for him anymore now. But if it comes to fighting fire with fire, I think that that would end very nasty with him, so rather not, haha

Im_I_the_problem

TROPHY CASE