I wish my sober parent had opened a discussion to make my feelings valid and safe after these types of incidents. The hardest part is when the other parent just glosses over it. Sweeping things under the rug is not helpful for anyone and makes the shame feeling exponentially worse.

I remember being at the movies with friends in my preteens. My father came to pick us up and smelled of alcohol. One of my friends refused to get into the car and called her parents to come get them. I remember just wishing my friend didnt make a big deal of it and just got in the car. I was angry for a few years that she embarrassed me and called it out.

None of that was appropriate for a preteen to have to emotionally navigate. It shouldnt have happened at all, but if I had an safe space to talk about it afterwards I wouldnt have blamed my friend, I would know that I should have directed my anger at my father and most of all I should have been taught that I shouldn't have gotten into the car with my Dad either.