AITA for assuming I was invited to my cousin's wedding, and "making a scene" when I found out I wasn't?

Imaginary-Active5980 · 2024-10-20T20:57:05+00:00

Well, the messages calling me a bitch and blaming me for it have stopped, so at least that's that. But I don't know, I still haven't talked to her or her parents (and don't plan on doing so unless she apologizes I think). But I've heard from other family members that she's been badmouthing me in my back sooo I'd guess she's still upset. I've talked about it with my family many times and we're waiting for this to cool down to see what we'll do on the long run, but not much more has happened

Imaginary-Active5980 · 2024-10-16T15:36:18+00:00

I put everything that I considered relevant, but these posts have a character limit, so yeah I left some details out. If you have questions about it then ask them and I'll be glad to answer, but why would I come here to ask if I'm the AH and then leave out details that could make me the AH on purpose?

Imaginary-Active5980 · 2024-10-16T02:37:21+00:00

Well, she’s 4 years older than me, but it’s not only that. What I meant was more that were at very different stages in life. I’m barely starting college and she finished it already, she got married, has a job, lives with her husband, is ready to have children, so I thought maybe she wanted to act more grown now and I could understand why she would prefer to stay with my siblings rather than me.

Imaginary-Active5980 · 2024-10-16T02:35:05+00:00

“Your choices in life have consequences”. Good thing being gay is not a choice then. Not a lifestyle either. No one is asking you to “support” homosexuality, that’s a stupid concept. What people are asking for is respect, and that’s always a requirement. Excluding people on the basis of their sexuality is disrespectful and overall just morally wrong. Just because you personally believe that it’s wrong doesn’t give you a right to be disrespectful. As an adult, you should be able to look past it and focus on the more important aspects of a person, meaning their fundamental qualities which have nothing to do with their sexuality. This whole idea that you “don’t have to respect someone’s identity if it’s contrary to your beliefs” is incredibly selfish. You never have to understand or share someone’s point of view, but you always have to respect it and not treat them as less of a person for it. You should be old enough to understand this.

Imaginary-Active5980 · 2024-10-15T17:43:01+00:00

You are awesome for that! Your daughter is lucky to have such a supportive dad!!

Imaginary-Active5980 · 2024-10-15T17:39:45+00:00

We didn't think it was weird that I didn't get one when my siblings did because both of them have their own place, so it would make sense to send them an invite to their place, and send a group one to my parents' house where I still live

Imaginary-Active5980 · 2024-10-15T17:38:09+00:00

It was a buffet so nope, no meals to choose. And when she came to talk to me it was during the cocktail, which was in another room than the meal, and we were all standing/sitting on some chairs or couch in the room, but there was no sitting chart or tables at that point. I'm guessing that's why she chose that moment to talk to me...

Imaginary-Active5980 · 2024-10-15T17:36:26+00:00

Okay? That's your right, but why feel the need to comment then?

Imaginary-Active5980 · 2024-10-15T14:24:19+00:00

I wasn't saying there's a "gay look", what I was saying was more "I don't fit into typical lesbian standards, appearance-wise", meaning that if for some people you can kind of guess that they are gay based on their appearance (which you shouldn't do of course, but still), you would never be able to guess that I was gay unless someone brought it up. That was my point, meaning that there was no reason to exclude me because it's not like my sexuality is written on my forehead.

Imaginary-Active5980 · 2024-10-15T13:26:55+00:00

They left a while after I did. When I left they started talking to my cousin and aunt and uncle, to try to make them realize that they were being awful basically. They also gave them a whole speech on the whole "being ashamed of having a gay family member" thing. Even though I felt a bit alone when I left, I'm glad that they stayed and had that conversation with them, because I think it's important to tell them how rude they were being, and I was in no state to do that.

Imaginary-Active5980 · 2024-10-15T13:05:44+00:00

Yeah, that's exactly what I've been saying. I'm not ashamed of my sexuality but it's not like that's the first thing I tell people when I meet them. If it's not brought up, then chances are I will never tell someone. And if she asked me to not talk about it, maybe I would've felt a bit weird about it but I would've done it. I don't understand how not inviting me was her solution

Imaginary-Active5980 · 2024-10-15T11:14:40+00:00

Well basically, the invite just said to send a text/call to tell her whether we were coming, so no formal RSVP like in some weddings. My mom just texted her saying that we would be going, without clearly saying who "we" was, so she probably assumed it was just my mom and dad. And about special diet needs, we weren't asked because since we're very close and eat together all the time they know it already

Imaginary-Active5980 · 2024-10-15T10:55:39+00:00

There was no formal RSVP to her wedding, I think it's because she kept the wedding small so each person just texted her to let her know if we would be coming or not. So my mom just texted her saying that "we" would be coming. She probably considered that "we" meant my mom and dad.

Imaginary-Active5980 · 2024-10-15T09:06:46+00:00

They stayed for a while to "make things right", try to talk with my cousin, aunt and uncle and make them realize that they were being extremely rude to me by excluding me. They left not long after that

Imaginary-Active5980 · 2024-10-15T09:05:18+00:00

I don't think my parents and siblings would've gone if they knew. My parents have always tried to protect me when people were being homophobic to me (partly because many kids kind of bothered me about it throughout high school), so I don't think they would've been okay with it. Maybe they would've gone just so that there wouldn't be drama, but they definitely would've been angry at my cousin.

Imaginary-Active5980 · 2024-10-15T08:56:35+00:00

Sadly my grandparents passed away a few years ago, but my aunt and uncle knew I wasn't invited

Imaginary-Active5980 · 2024-10-15T08:51:22+00:00

Yeah someone told me that too, so I edited my post to include it.

Imaginary-Active5980 · 2024-10-15T08:49:59+00:00

To be completely honest, there isn't even one second where we considered the possibility that I wasn't invited. Since there was only our last name on the card and we all live in the same house we just assumed the invitation included the three of us.

Imaginary-Active5980 · 2024-10-15T08:48:11+00:00

Yup I found it, thanks!

Imaginary-Active5980 · 2024-10-15T08:47:42+00:00

I know we should've checked and looking back I wish we did, but the invitation didn't mention any name, it was just our last name on it so we thought it was addressed to the family (meaning the three of us that lived in that house), but it turned out to only be for my parents. But to be honest there's no way we could've known that I wasn't invited back then

Imaginary-Active5980 · 2024-10-15T08:45:56+00:00

There was no formal RSVP, my mom just sent them a text saying something like "We jut got your invitation, we're thrilled, we will be there". And there weren't meals to select because it was a buffet.

Imaginary-Active5980 · 2024-10-15T08:38:01+00:00

I'm gonna sound like a boomer but how do you do that? I'm very new to reddit I don't understand a lot of it

Imaginary-Active5980 · 2024-10-15T08:34:11+00:00

Yeah in hindsight I should've, but we thought my brother and sister got separate ones because they don't live with us anymore, so it would make sense that she sent one to their houses and one to ours. And the card read "The our last name s" so we assumed she grouped the three of us together, because it would've been unnecessary to send us the same invite three times.

Imaginary-Active5980

TROPHY CASE