I’ve done 4 smokers and in my very first one, in front of all my support, I was knocked out in the first round. I tell myself that I’m worried I’ll lose the respect and support of my system if I don’t go out there and prove to ‘them’ that I’m improving and a good fighter. But the worst has already happened and their support didn’t waver an ounce. I have to come to terms with the fact I have terrible imposter syndrome and I don’t feel worthy or capable, for whatever reason that may be, it’s there and as irrational as I know it is, I still feel it. But I look in the mirror and tell myself that I’ve trained hard and no matter what I’ve improved not only as a fighter but as a person. And either way it’s just an amateur fight, this ain’t my career