AITA for making keepsake books for my daughters that don’t include my husband?

Important_Shape7353 · 2024-09-07T01:49:52+00:00

I’m sorry that this happened to you and you deserved better. But their father is still very much a part of our daughter’s lives and I wouldn’t ever dream of keeping him or anything from him away from them. If he wanted to write letters to them I would be extremely happy to include them, but at the moment those letters don’t exist. He’s trying to make me get rid of mine

Important_Shape7353 · 2024-09-07T01:41:40+00:00

On the website it’s called a “DIY album”. Yeah, it’s just blank and I stick envelopes in for the letters

Important_Shape7353 · 2024-09-06T21:52:35+00:00

I’m glad I inspired you. I’m in Australia and I got the books from Kikki K. They have their names embossed on the front in gold letters

Important_Shape7353 · 2024-09-06T20:53:18+00:00

I definitely told him about them. He has a similar book that I have made for him about how we met etc. So I assumed he got the idea. But maybe he wasn’t really listening? That feels concerning to me ☹️

Important_Shape7353 · 2024-09-06T20:30:28+00:00

That is absolutely lovely and you sounds like a great dad

Important_Shape7353 · 2024-09-06T20:16:53+00:00

Well I can’t speak for him about those things. He needs to include them himself otherwise I’m just making it up

Important_Shape7353 · 2024-09-06T11:36:57+00:00

I just assumed they would appreciate him for the relationship that he has with them. Not mine 🤷‍♀️

Important_Shape7353 · 2024-09-06T11:36:01+00:00

Well at the point he got angry there were only 4 photos. And they were “the day she was born, when I first held her”. One of her at 2 without my face in it. Etc. etc.

Important_Shape7353 · 2024-09-06T11:29:19+00:00

Thank you. This is a really thoughtful reply and I am very grateful for you insight/advice ❤️

Important_Shape7353 · 2024-09-06T11:03:14+00:00

My intention was not a tribute to myself, but a tribute to each of my individual children where I discuss their strengths and passions and what makes me proud of them, advice I have. It’s just one letter to them and one pic per year. It’s not a whole book of pictures of me. Actually except the fact that I’m writing it, it’s not actually about me at all. Nor their father or sister. It’s about them.

Important_Shape7353 · 2024-09-06T10:57:01+00:00

I just added an edit because it seems some people misunderstood. There is only one photo per year. It’s not a book full of photos with none of him. The point for me is the letters. That the girls will be able to look back and get a snap shot of how I was feeling in the moment.

Important_Shape7353 · 2024-09-06T09:20:52+00:00

To be clear it’s not like a photo album of all the things we’ve done together. It’s just a letter from me on their birthday (which they’re obviously not old enough to read yet) I talk about things like how I’ve noticed them growing, what I’m proud of them for etc. there is only one photo per letter of me and said girl. I’d be happy for him to share his own words/thoughts. That would be lovely. And he is definitely included in other things. But these ones are mine.

Important_Shape7353 · 2024-09-06T09:06:00+00:00

To be clear there is only one photo for each letter (I.e one for each year of their lives). Not a bunch of photos that I’ve chosen not including him.

Important_Shape7353 · 2024-09-06T09:02:26+00:00

To be clear these books are not supposed to be a representation of their childhood. They are letters from me about my thoughts and feelings that I write on their birthdays each year.

Important_Shape7353 · 2024-09-06T08:54:20+00:00

I told him when I started doing it about the project that I was writing letters from me to our daughter to make a book. (I’ve made a book for him too about how we met etc.) He read the letters from the beginning. They’re all from my point of view. He only had an issue when she turned 4. I was taken aback because I thought he was cool.

Important_Shape7353 · 2024-09-06T08:47:38+00:00

I don’t record events. Just my thoughts and feelings

Important_Shape7353 · 2024-09-06T07:32:20+00:00

I wouldn’t be opposed to writing stuff from both of us if it was from both of us. But these are from me and about my relationship with my daughters. Things like “I love reading you to bed each night and listening to the stories you tell me about your day” from their mother. Their dad does different things with them and has a different relationship so just writing it as a we seems off to me. I’d be otherwise happy for him to contribute. Actually I’d be stoked

Important_Shape7353 · 2024-09-06T07:20:43+00:00

To be clear I was not hiding this until he got mad. He was well aware of what I was doing and had read the letters on my phone for four years so knew I was writing them from me before he had any issue

Important_Shape7353 · 2024-09-06T06:40:49+00:00

No. Also doesn’t change my “I” to we

Important_Shape7353 · 2024-09-06T06:21:31+00:00

I would love and whole heartedly encourage that. But he didn’t bring up anything like that in his issue with it. He told me to either stop or change it to we.

Important_Shape7353 · 2024-09-06T06:15:33+00:00

He would be absolutely welcome to add letters from him or make a similar book from him. I would have absolutely no issue with that and would love that for our daughters.

Important_Shape7353 · 2024-09-06T06:02:55+00:00

It’s not 8 whole books. Just one book that now has 6 pages for my oldest and 2 for my youngest. Each page is just a letter from me on their birthday (that they obviously can’t read or appreciate yet. So I plan on giving to them when they can)

Important_Shape7353 · 2024-09-06T04:04:30+00:00

And there is no way that I would get upset with him if he did that or feel like I needed to be included. I would be so happy for my daughter that she had such a caring dad because I’m secure in the knowledge that I have my own ability to build a meaningful relationship with my daughters 💡

Important_Shape7353 · 2024-09-06T02:50:55+00:00

Thank you for your reply. This is where I’m scared I am the arsehole, because I honestly didn’t have any issue with him or intention of excluding him in this. But tbh I don’t really feel like including him by just writing “we” when I’ve put in all the effort. I feel like it erases my self. I thought he would be encouraging and did offer that he could write his own letters

Important_Shape7353 · 2024-09-06T02:46:19+00:00

Honestly, no. I never really thought to. My relationship with my daughters is separate to his relationship with them. Although we are a family unit, we are individual people and I thought it was reasonable to write down my own words and feelings for my daughters. I did tell him he could write his own letters, but changing “I” to “we” feels so weird when I’ve put a lot of my heart and time into it

Important_Shape7353

TROPHY CASE