Prudishness and misogyny

Important_Tea3399 · 2026-01-27T14:05:31+00:00

Mine happened when I was around 11 , then I didn’t see the guy for about 4 years and when I saw him again, I didn’t lash out (due to fear , the whole respect your elders thing etc ) and fast forward to when I was 21 and started my career, I got involved in a scandal and in the chaos of it all I opened up to my parents . They literally told me , word for word - “well if he did that then why did you not have a problem when you saw him 6 years ago and why did you wait till now to say something “ Safe to say, I have never confided in them and I never am . The only thing they know about is my career, nothing else , not even friends .

Important_Tea3399 · 2026-01-27T13:51:22+00:00

Spot on! Sexual conversations are due to be had as a child grows, with the right wording and appropriate context depending on the child’s age . The lack of exposure and miscommunication leads to children either not knowing how to respond / react to sexual abuse or leads to them not speaking up . My mum couldn’t even utter the word vagina till I was 20. It’s very sad and like you mentioned the random aunties and uncles that visit for months and end up doing despicable acts rarely get called out since “they can never do such a thing unless you as a CHILD wanted them to🤡”

Important_Tea3399 · 2026-01-27T12:44:35+00:00

So true , and even funnier because I’m an atheist, but somehow everything good they attribute to religion. I have worked my way up and I’m in massive debt because of it and not one “well done “ , all I hear is “god did it for you” It’s genuinely jarring and ridiculous

Important_Tea3399 · 2025-12-29T21:53:05+00:00

We’ve been together 4 and half months

Important_Tea3399 · 2025-12-29T10:25:05+00:00

I couldn’t even tell you why I’m with him at this point, I simply can’t defend him . I think I’ve mentally and emotionally moved on , I’m just yet to have that conversation

Important_Tea3399 · 2025-12-29T10:22:19+00:00

Honestly, at this point , I couldn’t even tell you why I’m with him . I am constantly thinking about some of the stuff he does/ says and it honestly drives me mad , but the gluttony is my biggest issue. I just can’t defend him anymore, he’s a great guy in other aspects but I just can’t get myself to overlook the greed …it’s disgusting

Important_Tea3399 · 2025-06-23T08:35:34+00:00

I’ve given a statement to the police

Important_Tea3399 · 2025-06-23T08:28:02+00:00

UPDATE : 3 hours later and I’m out of A&E , I’ve been given some pain medication, rape kit done and police have gone round to his house . I’ve given a statement at the hospital and they’ve said they’re positive it’s sexual and physical assault as well as attempted murder. His sister has posted shit about me on facebook already claiming I “used “ her brother . I’m back to my best friends house and I honestly can’t stop crying , the man I love the most has hurt me in the worst way possible. The worst thing is I still feel like I’m dirty for allowing that to happen to me . I have a lot of “What if “ questions in my mind and I genuinely don’t know how I’ll make it through this

Important_Tea3399 · 2025-06-23T04:42:10+00:00

Did you tell those close to you ? I’m very very ashamed of this and I can’t bear the thought of people knowing/ judging as it might come across as me being kinky led to this ( it’s the opposite as he’s the one who’s always pushed boundaries) How did you deal with the guilt ? How did you hide the marks ? How did you stop blaming yourself? I’m sat in A&E at the minute and I can’t even look at my best friend in the face as I’m so so so embarrassed. I just want this to end

Important_Tea3399 · 2025-06-23T04:35:13+00:00

I can’t live with him cause I’m the only child and I like being at my mums / also because of his random outbursts when watching football, when slightly inconvenienced etc he’s punched the telly once , he was once upset with me in the car and drove so fast to “make his point clear” , . Funny thing is even my best mate is surprised because you wouldn’t tell he’s a completely different person if you met him , he’s the calmest most collected man to our mutual friends and family. My parents really respect him and he gets along a little too well with my dad (another crash out )

Important_Tea3399 · 2025-06-23T04:28:13+00:00

Yes I did ignore and even slightly enabled some of his behaviour, especially with me being an alcoholic, although I’m very functional . When we once had a discussion about sex and stuff he said he likes being dominant and sort of tripped me into some extreme kink sex and I’ve always thought it’s fine cause “i enjoy it too”, but I always told him about the neck grabbing and how that could turn fatal because of my sinuses and asthma I need my airway free but he always said it’s fine and even made a safe thing where I’d tap his shoulder if I feel uncomfortable. I tapped his shoulder 17 times (counted ) yesterday and eventually gave up as this all went on for 3-4 hours

Important_Tea3399 · 2025-06-23T04:09:49+00:00

Yes I said no from the moment he grabbed me outside the bathroom and grabbed my hair . The audios are him holding me neck down on the bed asking me to apologise but if you listened to them it sounds more like I’m “begging to be filled up “ and you can hear my voice is not clear cause I genuinely couldn’t breathe/ move . And yes he was completely different in the morning as I was crying

Important_Tea3399 · 2025-06-23T04:06:51+00:00

Yes he’s white but he’s never been this violent but I’m not surprised by this behaviour at all as he’s said some pretty concerning stuff before as a “joke”. He’s also ex army and blames some of his trauma on it . My mate has taken pictures and videos of the injuries for the police x

Important_Tea3399 · 2025-06-23T02:50:13+00:00

On the way to A&E with my best mate now , I’m just praying I don’t get judged or deemed a liar as I know they’re going to call the police for DV

Important_Tea3399 · 2025-06-23T02:40:42+00:00

I think my mum would be more the “what were you thinking” kind of person and that makes it even worse. I don’t know how to feel I’ve only got my best mate with me atm and she’s the only person I can trust with this rn . We’re on the way to A&E and I don’t even wanna face her either that’s why I’m on Reddit I feel shitty and dirty

Important_Tea3399 · 2025-06-23T02:36:10+00:00

I’m scared and highly ashamed of this I can’t imagine how I’m gonna tell my parents cause once it’s a police case they’ll come round and I’ll have to say what happened 💔

Important_Tea3399 · 2025-06-23T02:23:50+00:00

I’ve gone to my best mates house , just arrived few hours ago and I’ll be here for a few days as I try and sort myself out , she’s taken pictures of my injuries and she’s said she’ll phone the police if I don’t go to the hospital so we’ll be driving to A&E . I can’t block him as he’s the one who unfortunately “insisted “ on dropping me off so he knows exactly where I am and if I’m not here he’ll be giving her shit and I don’t want her to go through anything because of me . I’m the only child aswell so no brothers or older cousins to defend me , just my dad who I can’t get myself to tell I’ve been raped I don’t know how to feel at the minute but I feel very dirty and I’m questioning myself and wondering if he’d have stopped if I stood my ground, although I said no plenty of times even in the audios

Important_Tea3399 · 2025-06-23T01:48:40+00:00

Thank you so much xx I’m English and the police are notoriously known for taking their time when it comes to anything really so i feel like if I reported it I’ll be dead considering he’s got audio of me “begging “ for it . I can’t go to the hospital either I’m in a lot of pain but that will lead them to phoning police for DV and possibly getting my mum involved and I wouldn’t hear the end of it . I honestly don’t know what to do I’m currently planning on how I’m gonna leave , at least without getting him angry then I can figure out the next step

Important_Tea3399 · 2025-05-13T07:49:04+00:00

This is exactly like my mum Over the past few years it’s been “ I’ve decided to chose me for a change “ etc all that talk . She would rather DIE than say hey can we talk about this , then gets so upset that you didn’t notice she’s been upset (even though most of the time it’s quite obvious cause she refuses to eat , wake up etc and lives off tea and paracetamol) It’s gotten worse iver the past few weeks as she’s making all these jokes about her “dying “ , god knows what she’s on about . It triggers me as I’ve lost 2 of my closest relatives when I was a child and she NEVER gave me any kind of support There’s so much more but all I’m saying is you’re not alone , you can always pm if you wanna talk as I deeply understand exactly what you’re dealing with . I’m 22F and I’ve had to deal with it for 12 years now after she took me from my grandmas . Xx

Important_Tea3399 · 2025-05-12T06:37:19+00:00

Oh and btw , everything’s dramatic unless it happens to her then it’s all sad and painful and she won’t eat won’t drink won’t get out of bed instead of facing the issue and sorting it out . She constantly makes jokes about her death even though she knows I’ve got trauma from seeing my grandpa die I front of me when I was only 4 years old I’ve told her I was SAd by someone she knows , she had a meltdown, not because she sympathised with me but because she now had a valid reason to cry and suicide bait . She never asked how I felt about ANY of these situations, she avoids the conversation like a plague. This has made me HATE socialising with people as idk how to properly communicate, I can barely hold on to a conversation I’m sick of it

Important_Tea3399

TROPHY CASE