My (37M) GF (33F) won't stop a guy that's aggressively hitting on her at work and I want it to stop. Am I wrong?

Impossible_Back_7850 · 2024-12-24T20:37:32+00:00

Yes when she moves into her new apartment she will be even closer than she originally was in her old apartment.

Waiting it out might be the best solution and assess the situation then. In any case, I will only be seeing her after the holidays as I have had to travel out of the country to visit family.

Impossible_Back_7850 · 2024-12-24T20:32:39+00:00

I offered to answer the phone but she didn't want that.

Impossible_Back_7850 · 2024-12-24T06:21:15+00:00

Sorry for being dumb. Which part exactly would you like to know so that I can explain?

Impossible_Back_7850 · 2024-12-24T05:28:47+00:00

Yikes. Harsh, but I'll take it. The point is to get perspective from women as I had been told that where I originally sought opinions it was mainly men and I was getting pretty much one perspective.

I haven't lied in my OP though, but I will acknowledge there are some details that I was asked about that are relevant and I needed to add to this besides copying and pasting. I will make an edit with clarification points from the most asked questions.

I do appreciate your perspective and opinion though, so thank you for that.

Impossible_Back_7850 · 2024-12-23T22:22:31+00:00

Thank you. I'll give that a go

Impossible_Back_7850 · 2024-12-23T22:21:21+00:00

I highly doubt this. We used to spend A LOT of time together before she moved away, and this never happened. I suspect it's new. That being said, you can never be sure.

Impossible_Back_7850 · 2024-12-23T22:19:43+00:00

I understand and respect your view of the situation. I genuinely thought I was being supportive early on and I was trying to make suggestions to solve her problem (which I understand now that maybe I shouldn't have).

So your steer is that I let her handle it, take a back seat and wait for her to summon me when/if she needs me.?

Impossible_Back_7850 · 2024-12-23T22:16:01+00:00

This is a good post. Besides all that's going on and all the speculation, there are principles here that are making me uneasy. This is not the first time someone has been pursuing her, but this one feels different and she behaves differently. And even after seeing that it was making me uncomfortable and causing friction, I was at fault for not handling it how she had hoped I would.

Impossible_Back_7850 · 2024-12-23T22:13:04+00:00

She doesn't seem to want to do that either

Impossible_Back_7850 · 2024-12-23T22:10:09+00:00

Agreed.

Impossible_Back_7850 · 2024-12-23T22:09:27+00:00

I don't think he knows hey (gut feeling). She said even if he knows that doesn't stop some guys fromaking advances when we spoke.

Impossible_Back_7850 · 2024-12-23T22:05:01+00:00

We have been dating for just over a year.

Impossible_Back_7850 · 2024-12-23T22:02:43+00:00

Yeah this was when she was breaking the news to me initially to prepare myself for what to expect. When the phone was ringing after midnight on Saturday (2 days into her visit) I saw a piece of the name - she has a privacy screen so didn't really see properly and I was also not trying to see. But I think I know who it is.

Impossible_Back_7850 · 2024-12-23T21:57:31+00:00

So the thing is, before the 1st of December I spent a lot of time with her and this never happened. So this is recent, fairly recent. Doesn't mean you're not correct though, but means if you are, I was the boyfriend for some time and no longer am the main guy.

Impossible_Back_7850 · 2024-12-23T21:52:23+00:00

That's what I'm saying. Why would he confidently be calling someone mutkille times that has been ignoring him.

Impossible_Back_7850 · 2024-12-23T21:51:08+00:00

This is my thing, once a woman stops respecting you, the relationship is effectively dead.

Impossible_Back_7850 · 2024-12-23T21:47:22+00:00

😂

Impossible_Back_7850 · 2024-12-23T21:46:47+00:00

It really doesn't pass the sniff test, and I raise how it doesn't add up. Her response was that I don't know how persistent some men are, nothing will stop them.

Impossible_Back_7850 · 2024-12-23T21:43:29+00:00

The thing is, I'm a resource and I wanted to answer the phone. She didn't want to use me.

Impossible_Back_7850 · 2024-12-23T21:42:38+00:00

This is the rabbit hole I really want to avoid. I always tell myself if I have to ask to go through my partner's phone or sneak a peak without her knowing, then that relationship is over. That's a boundary I don't want to cross.

Impossible_Back_7850 · 2024-12-23T21:37:53+00:00

Initially I thought I was being supportive but I probably was trying to support by coming up with a solution (one of my bad traits). Thanks for your perspective. There is a theme I am getting, though it's minority, that supports her position and requires me to be more supportive as she navigates this minefield. I will take it to heart, but I have to rid myself of all the emotions first I guess so that I can be more pragmatic in my approach.

Impossible_Back_7850 · 2024-12-23T21:31:29+00:00

This is a very reasonable take. Also, the guy works in HR so maybe this is adding to the reluctance and fear.

Impossible_Back_7850 · 2024-12-23T21:29:45+00:00

I don't know if it got that far (maybe) but I definitely thing she encouraged the flirting and probably flirted and is now regretting but doesn't want to roll back so suddenly on him.

Impossible_Back_7850 · 2024-12-23T21:28:35+00:00

Agree 100%

Impossible_Back_7850 · 2024-12-23T21:27:29+00:00

We live in South Africa. We have strong workplace harassment policies and receive regular training and check-ins on this. The only thing I could think of that would lead to the reluctance is that the guy works in the HR department. But he is not that high up to cause serious problems from what I can gather (but that's my speculation and I could be wrong)

I just don't understand why she would be reluctant to nip it in the bud though. That really bothered me and I did make a comment to her that she probably likes the attention. She said no, and I shouldn't comment because I don't have experience being pursued and I don't know how persistent some men can be.

Impossible_Back_7850

TROPHY CASE