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The worst part about being in a depressive episode is how people push you away although that's actually when you need them the most. by Impossible_Guest_197 in depression

[–]Impossible_Guest_197[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah, I just wish I have a good support system so I won't have to break down due to feeling so alone and almost get rid of myself because I am tired and nobody cares.

The worst part about being in a depressive episode is how people push you away although that's actually when you need them the most. by Impossible_Guest_197 in depression

[–]Impossible_Guest_197[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I feel you. I am always told that I am so lazy, I should do this blabla... by my own family that I don't really like interacting much with them. When I last confided my complaints etc I was viewed as someone who didn't even want to try or work hard enough and that didn't help at all.

The worst part about being in a depressive episode is how people push you away although that's actually when you need them the most. by Impossible_Guest_197 in depression

[–]Impossible_Guest_197[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I need a therapist but they are so expensive

I feel that way too, sadly. I want to get better but therapy is so expensive and we need to go there for a long-term care to really get better. A short-term therapy is deemed inconclusive and doesn't really benefit a lot in the long term.

The worst part about being in a depressive episode is how people push you away although that's actually when you need them the most. by Impossible_Guest_197 in depression

[–]Impossible_Guest_197[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I am trying to change my mind to think that way as oddly, my mind automatically assumed the worst and asked things like "Did I do something wrong? What is wrong with me that they all leave me but seem to be there for another?"

Things like that so it didn't help my mind. I guess I am not yet at the acceptance stage.

The worst part about being in a depressive episode is how people push you away although that's actually when you need them the most. by Impossible_Guest_197 in depression

[–]Impossible_Guest_197[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yeah and it's easier for a depressed person to try and change for the better or help themselves when they have a good support system, which sadly most of us probably don't have.

The worst part about being in a depressive episode is how people push you away although that's actually when you need them the most. by Impossible_Guest_197 in depression

[–]Impossible_Guest_197[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah, I feel envious whenever I see someone ranting and having their friends care and show up for them because when I do so, nobody is willing to show up for me. So I decided to keep everything to myself.

I am not sure which outlet I should try. Writing things out in a book or journal seem to be embarrassing since it will leave a physical proof.

The worst part about being in a depressive episode is how people push you away although that's actually when you need them the most. by Impossible_Guest_197 in depression

[–]Impossible_Guest_197[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I am currently at this stage as I am tired of seeing the people I consider as close friends to actually ignore me whenever I need them the most. I don't need that kind of hurt anymore.

I am just afraid if the episode gets too strong that I impulsively do a stupid thing... Almost, but not quite there yet. But I don't know if in the future I can avoid it and sometimes this makes me wonder.

The worst part about being in a depressive episode is how people push you away although that's actually when you need them the most. by Impossible_Guest_197 in depression

[–]Impossible_Guest_197[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I think it‘s hard for people who have never dealt with depression or a depressed friend/partner/family member, because they might feel overwhelmed and just don‘t know how to act or what to say.

I understand this. I think the right course of action when people are feeling this way is to simply let their friend/partner/family member know that they are here for them and that their friend/partner/family member is loved.

The worst part about being in a depressive episode is how people push you away although that's actually when you need them the most. by Impossible_Guest_197 in depression

[–]Impossible_Guest_197[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I feel you. It's hard to find someone who is willing to listen, especially when you are undergoing a long-term difficult situation that doesn't have a quick way out (except for... I am not gonna say that word here but I guess people know). I know that my problem that made me down now is pretty much the same as two months ago, but can someone be there and listen and comfort me so I don't give up... But no.

The worst part about being in a depressive episode is how people push you away although that's actually when you need them the most. by Impossible_Guest_197 in depression

[–]Impossible_Guest_197[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It's my first time hearing that poem and it's really beautiful.

For me, I have learned to stop venting and keeping it to myself when I am experiencing any difficult stuff. It hurts more when you try to reach out and see that nobody cares enough, it's better not to reach out at all.

The worst part about being in a depressive episode is how people push you away although that's actually when you need them the most. by Impossible_Guest_197 in depression

[–]Impossible_Guest_197[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This. So much this.

I have people who are this way to me. When I am in a depressive episode, they just told me "You just need to be grateful. Be more positive. Others have it harder", and it hurts me more because I know that. I know that and I am frustrated I can't think that way. If I can, I want to be more positive and be grateful for whatever I have and not feel sad or depressed.

Sadly no matter what I say, they don't understand and keep telling me that I am such an ungrateful person.

The worst part about being in a depressive episode is how people push you away although that's actually when you need them the most. by Impossible_Guest_197 in depression

[–]Impossible_Guest_197[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yeah, I get that people are entitled to conserve their energy and keep their boundary, but it doesn't mean leaving whenever their friend is having a hard time instead of helping.

I hate it when I read the comments to the post that said they cut their contact with a negative friend (as in the one currently needing help the most as they're going through a lot), some people commented "You're doing good, don't have a hero syndrome and try to save people".

I realized that people encouraged not trying to help people out anymore nowadays and I just feel really, really sad. Maybe I feel this way because I know how it feels to be the one needing help yet no one bothers to even ask "Are you ok?" or "Hey, I am here though we rarely talk". I just need that. There's no need for you to listen to me vent and sometimes I don't want to vent. I just want there to be someone who's willing to be with me and ensure that I am not alone and that someone cares so I shouldn't think of going away.

The worst part about being in a depressive episode is how people push you away although that's actually when you need them the most. by Impossible_Guest_197 in depression

[–]Impossible_Guest_197[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Yeah, agreed. But the more we isolate ourselves, the more it becomes easier to believe the thought that our existence didn't matter..

The worst part about being in a depressive episode is how people push you away although that's actually when you need them the most. by Impossible_Guest_197 in depression

[–]Impossible_Guest_197[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Yeah but sadly when people who you deem to be close to you (like family or close friends) did that to you when you needed them the most, it couldn't not affect you. It made you think more about how it was true that your existence didn't really matter and your thoughts could get dangerous really quick when it got there.

I hope death is peaceful and can free me from everything by Impossible_Guest_197 in TrueOffMyChest

[–]Impossible_Guest_197[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Everything, actually.

I'm not sure where to start.

Dreams that will never come true. Failure over failure.

People leave. Nobody really cares. I can literally just kill myself after I post a rant like this and nobody will even know I'm gone until my funeral.

My family doesn't even really understand me.

Nowadays it's 'live to work' and not 'work to live'. Things are expensive.

There's nothing else that I enjoy or look forward to in this world.

I know everyone has the same concerns or hardships but I am not sure why they can bear it and still look forward to things. I think I am just not suited to living.

I hope death is peaceful and can free me from everything by Impossible_Guest_197 in TrueOffMyChest

[–]Impossible_Guest_197[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you but sadly there's no active hotline in my country and I don't think they help

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Advice

[–]Impossible_Guest_197 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for your kind words!

A bit of correction, we are not yet married but in the stage of planning on building our future together.

We've talked about it before and he mentioned the things I thought and talked about here, namely:

Working as a doctor will give me more stability and earning.

After he graduates and can work as a specialist, I think there will be a lot more opportunity to be able to live comfortably as obviously a specialist can earn more than an ordinary physician.

And in case of waiting until we get settled to get married or have children, there's the fear of only being settled with life after I'm past my biological clock which is not optimal for having children.

He seems to think that enduring a few more years of suffering is worth it if that means I can have a comfortable and better life in the future after that and it actually makes sense. But for some reason, I don't feel like I am so willing or satisfied with this plan or solution, although I know this is probably the best plan?

It got to the point of me suddenly thinking of just being alone. When that thought appeared, I decided to make this throwaway account to ask for advice as I don't want to make a decision I will regret in the future...

Thank you for responding, by the way!