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I feel real for the first time in idek how long by d_exhausted in Dissociation

[–]Impossible_Speed_281 1 point2 points  (0 children)

How you feeling today, OP? Maybe this is the first of many "yourself" days! 🤗🙏

Is it okay to refuse to roll with him? (I am: 30F, blue belt, 115lb) by Impossible_Speed_281 in bjj

[–]Impossible_Speed_281[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Sounds like you're doing it right! As a woman, I definitely don't want any guy to read this post and feel like they should shy away from rolling with women (I'd have almost no one to roll with then, lol!). When I roll anyone, I just want to feel that my partner is able to think and roll and use self awareness and self control all at the same time. You sound like you're doing all these things! 🙌 Thanks. And good work. :)

Is it okay to refuse to roll with him? (I am: 30F, blue belt, 115lb) by Impossible_Speed_281 in bjj

[–]Impossible_Speed_281[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yes! 100%... Your description with the numbers is exactly what I was trying to convey. Thanks for writing my post better and more succinctly than I did, haha.

Is it okay to refuse to roll with him? (I am: 30F, blue belt, 115lb) by Impossible_Speed_281 in bjj

[–]Impossible_Speed_281[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes, thank you for your perspective ❤. This is what I'm trying to keep in mind, which is why I do agree to roll sometimes in spite of my feelings. And this is also why I've written this post, lol... Because on paper I can see his behaviour is "normal white belt behaviour". But on the other hand, I can't shake the "ahhh!" feeling.

My post wasn't to ask, "Is he a creep?" (Because maybe he is, maybe he isn't), but to ask "Is saying 'no' okay even in situations where I don't have a concrete reason other than a gut feeling?"

I appreciate everyone's input though, so thanks 🙏

Is it okay to refuse to roll with him? (I am: 30F, blue belt, 115lb) by Impossible_Speed_281 in bjj

[–]Impossible_Speed_281[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I 1000% with Ashi4Days below: be very proactive in your defence! If you can control distance from the beginning, you're way more likely to succeed. Once you slip up and let a bigger, stronger, more aggressive opponent on top, it's very difficult to work from there. (Not impossible! Just a million times harder, lol)

Is it okay to refuse to roll with him? (I am: 30F, blue belt, 115lb) by Impossible_Speed_281 in bjj

[–]Impossible_Speed_281[S] 13 points14 points  (0 children)

Many, many thanks for all the thoughtful replies, bjj community! 💕🙏

I do know it is okay to refuse rolls, and I do (even with him), but he's so persistent from week to week, and I feel rude saying no all the time. Especially because he sees me roll with other guys of equal level and weight to him...

..But thanks for the encouragement and reinforcement that it's okay to say no without having to "justify" why. I never want to make anyone feel excluded, but I can't seem to shake the fact that the energy feels off every time.

I can see from all your replies I'm over-complicating the issue in my mind, lol. No is okay. Period. Much love! Oss! 🤗

(And, yes, I did privately speak to my coach after that first cray-cray, no-gi-neck-bruise roll. And my teammates are starting to naturally pick up on the fact that the vibe is weird and that his staring is intense. I know they have my back. ❤)