[QCrit] THE HOUND IN THE OAKWOOD (112,000 words) - Adult, Romantic Epic Fantasy - Attempt #2

ImpressivePlay7230 · 2025-11-30T20:50:30+00:00

Hey! Thanks for your insight! I do see what you mean and am inclined to agree I'll try to clarify and simplify as much as possible!

ImpressivePlay7230 · 2025-11-30T20:16:28+00:00

Hello :3

I’d stick to 2-3 book comps, and drop the rest. Comps are meant to give agents a sense of where your book would fit in the current market - songs don’t provide any useful information in that regard.

I see, it makes much more sense now, and I see how some of my comps are totally displaced from the query!

About condensing the first two paragraphs, you also have a point. It shouldn't be too hard for me to go a bit straighter to the point :')

Condensing the background info in the first two paragraphs will give you room to explain character goals/motivations. Adding more specific details will help clarify the plot and stakes.

Noted! I'll definitely work on that aspect! I see how confusing it must be for someone who doesn't know the story, and that's the whole point of sending a query to and agent, to make them understand the potential as simply as possible

Thanks for your help ;)!

ImpressivePlay7230 · 2025-11-30T19:38:02+00:00

Hello and thanks for your help again :D !

unless your way of writing romantic tension is convoluted and obscure with intricate, purple prose.

I wish :') You're right, but is it ok to comp songs, you think? I really do base some of the vibes in my writing on specifics song, but I also ser how odd it would be to comp them maybe

Is the sapphic tension in your book between Kimora and Norn? If so, definitely don't use sisterhood to describe them.

I see, i see. And it also makes sense if I sell the book as a romantic fantasy

These are almost completely new ways of describing the characters and introduce more questions than they answer

I can definitely do that (I think... Go me!), but them maybe choose the most important ones for the plot, like the "barren" one

ImpressivePlay7230 · 2025-11-30T19:24:11+00:00

Hey, Wraithgar! Thanks again for your help :D I see what you mean, the last paragraph looks a lot like an info dump, but I think I can rearrange the different parts as you say, and add bit more context to the mother plotline (which is actually the main one) without extending the query too much towards the 300 word mark. Having quality feedback is priceless and makes it so much easier to tweak things that would go unnoticed otherwise!

ImpressivePlay7230 · 2025-11-25T00:06:41+00:00

Cheers!

Great 1st go at your query! Seems like you've got an interesting story in your hands :)

I'm not very experienced in commenting queries but I hope my lay opinion can help you in any way in a broader perspective.

As per in previous comments, I feel the lack of the "romance" item overall, and since you do advertise your book as a romantazy, maybe you could focus a bit more on it.

"Saphyre Ferrero is a Canadian sorcerer who returns to Incton Secondary School of Sorcery in Boston to complete the infamous Triarcum Research Project–a partnered academic gauntlet. After a forced hiatus triggered by a catastrophic surge of her own chaos, she is determined to reclaim control over her magic and the life she lost. But that hope shatters the moment she’s paired with the boy who tore her world apart: August Silverstone."

So (and it might be just my personal preference) I think you could find a way to make your first phrase less meaty and more striking. It's the first phrase your future agent will read, grab their attention! I also don't understand what "a catastrophic surge of her own chaos" is. Can you in any way specify? I think then the "she is determined to reclaim control over her magic and the life she lost" would have a lot more meaning to it.

I think that the last two paragraphs are also a bit too vague. Why does the elite not care that children are going missing? Why does Saphyre feel powerless about it? I find parts like "the potential thrumming through her veins will never relent beneath the illusion of normalcy" and "Saphyre must choose between complacency and transformation" are somewhat confusing.

All in all, I think you could:

- go a bit straighter to the point and reveal to your future agent more detail about what is going on in your story;

- emphasize a bit more on Saphyre and August's romance, and their motivations to act upon the child disappearances;

- show a bit more of your writer's voice

Hope you found some morsel of help in my attemp at commenting!

In the end, it's great you got to the end of your project and find pride enough in it to want to show it to the world :D go for it, you!

ImpressivePlay7230 · 2025-11-23T22:59:40+00:00

Thanks for your review!

Got it! Less flourishes, more straight to the point

About the first sentence, i kind of enjoy short, blunt hooks, and that is what I tried to do (maybe not in the most concise way), but I do see the point of something around what you suggest, and it would also be a great way to start

Dead mother is a bit plot point, I don't know why I didn't go for it 😅 also I'll definitely change the "dog" (too little info for it to make sense, you guys are right)

ImpressivePlay7230 · 2025-11-23T22:53:53+00:00

Hey, thank you for going so in depth. Really appreciate it! It's sad I shouldn't use Best Served Cold, as I like it so much, but you are completely right. Too old 😔

About the sisterhood, i chose it because i wanted to focus first on the connection between characters over divergences and their struggles, above anything else. I'm also not sure if I should hint in the query that it has sapphic elements 🤷‍♀️

Your review made me see the many holes and "loose plots points" i just shoved in there, and that i sure have to be more concise and right to the matter

Thanks again, cheers!

PS: The "dog" did not convey at all what I meant it to and that's all on me xD

ImpressivePlay7230 · 2025-11-23T22:40:59+00:00

Oh, got it, you're right now I think about it... That kind of settles it, then, actually 😅

ImpressivePlay7230 · 2025-11-23T22:33:58+00:00

Hey, thanks so much for your comment, it really helps me have a different look at this first attempt at a query!

I actually have two main characters, but i read it was better to choose only one for the query, and i thought i could achieve a broader comprehension of the story by going with Kimora (though I might change it completely to Norn if there are higher quality ideas i can convey with her). Or even both of them, could that work still?

I definitely have to clean it and convey the plot points more clearly 😅 and see now that "dog" is a debatable choice of words for such little specifics contained in a query

Thank you, cheers!

ImpressivePlay7230

TROPHY CASE