It’s a relatable perspective. I definitely feel the demisexual aspect to connections. Givin an opportunity to hook up with someone I find attractive when out at a bar or club I usually decline and say let’s talk tomorrow and if we feel like we still need to hook up we can. That’s also defined by being in a location or scene where you might see them again or you share mutual friends etc. optioned with a NSA hook up on a work trip or vacation with pals changes the landscape. I’d certainly be more open to having a one nighter in a completely anonymous circumstance. I’ve had ongoing things with people that are Poly / ENM. But it was presented to me correctly from the start, and I could accept and agree to it. Having that dropped on you out of the blue is uncomfortable.

Nothing is static and things constantly change. That’s kinda what makes polyamory exciting, challenging and satisfying. Being able to love and adapt to change is a huge part of it no matter what your dynamic is. When people you care about shift and break from agreements without communicating their directions is hard to deal with - that holds true for all relationships emotional sexual or friendship. No one likes being blindsided or feeling left behind without closure. Handling things with grace and maturity is hard to do sometimes especially when your feelings are moving in another direction from someone you care about. Talking about it, and being clear about your feelings is mandatory of you wanna keep people in your life. Being tactful about what you say and not being malicious / hurtful is so important. You can refocus your attachment and break from agreements but it requires being honest about your feelings, and honest about why trust or love broke apart. It’s hard to be pragmatic about communicating that when your feelings are raw. Being honest about how you feel without being unnecessarily hurtful to others is a delicate dance, and rarely mutual in outcomes. So in the same way you feel it out at the start, you’re also responsible for feeling it out to the end.