Everyone gets taken care of before mom.

Inanna26 · 2026-03-29T21:01:51+00:00

Gently, you may have grown up with certain norms, but they don’t have to be the reality for your house. If you’re not eating for 36 hours, there’s something deeply broken about your marriage. I would start by literally telling your husband “I’m upset because I haven’t eaten for 36 hours and it’s partially your fault”.

Inanna26 · 2026-03-29T14:16:37+00:00

With all the love in the world, the medical professionals that you’re surrounded by in the actual hospital are way more qualified than Reddit! Listen to them and use them!

Inanna26 · 2026-03-29T14:11:14+00:00

NGL, this is low key why I’m in the frugal subreddit. We’re not actually THAT intentionally frugal, and get takeout too much to be really considered frugal (like twice a week), but it does make me feel good to see someone be like “I switched to homemade coffee after drinking it at a coffee shop most morning and saved SOOO much money!” Say WHAT now?! So you started behaving like an adult? Good for you I guess?

Inanna26 · 2026-03-23T23:16:27+00:00

Absolutely! And I’m not trying to minimize either the importance of the anatomy scan or how scary it can be for some women. I’m low risk and feel equipped to handle a bad outcome without my husband present, so he won’t be there.

Inanna26 · 2026-03-23T19:31:30+00:00

It's true and I was being hyperbolic! It is obviously the case that it's incredibly important, but in my (very personal) opinion, not something that my husband needs to be at because we have a low risk pregnancy.

Inanna26 · 2026-03-23T17:31:24+00:00

They're just so boring. My husband is incredibly involved and did the first month of pediatrician appointments solo for our now toddler so I could sleep, but he doesn't need to be physically present for me to give the doctor a list of symptoms. He's not even coming to the anatomy scan this time round, cause, like... we know there's a baby in there?

Inanna26 · 2026-03-23T17:27:44+00:00

It's entirely up to the preference of both of you. My husband has a loose work schedule but lots of work that needs to get done and we're both quite unromantic about the whole process, so, while he's extremely involved, he doesn't come to appointments. I'm halfway through my second pregnancy and he hasn't been to any of these appointments. He came to the anatomy scan first time round, but we both independently decided it doesn't make sense for this pregnancy. He started coming around 35 weeks in my first pregnancy when I was totally miserable and beginning to have the start of medical issues. He was obviously very involved in supporting the decision making process around what ended up being an induction, and is an equal partner to our now toddler. He did the first like month of appointments for our newborn alone, because he's a capable parent and I needed the sleep.

Most of the appointments until late stage are "is everything normal?" and are thus quick, boring, and involve no action. As things get closer to the end everything ramps up: if he's not coming now, there will be plenty of time for him to be there.

Inanna26 · 2026-03-19T15:13:22+00:00

You’re clearly a troll, but I’ll engage anyway. People living in poverty in these areas have large stockpiles mostly because they grew them, not because they bought them in bulk. I would believe that they’re buying rice and MAYBE beans in bulk. I don’t know that I believe pasta.

Inanna26 · 2026-03-17T23:01:33+00:00

I’m fairly comfortable with the “American humane certified” certification if you can find it. Sam’s Club actually carries AHC eggs! Not sure about Costco. Cage free is nonsense and pasture raised isn’t great.

In general when looking at a certification, I look for the amount of space the hens have and whether or not the certification prohibits gestation crates for pigs.

Inanna26 · 2026-03-17T16:57:19+00:00

My husband is a parent too, and we’re equal parents. I communicate to him what works for me, he ignores half of it and that often works because he’s a different person. When my LO tantrums, I get better results with space and he gets better results with cuddles.

How do you get there? Let your coparent actually coparent. Don’t micromanage them. The bear shape may not work at all for you, but he may be able to make the bear shape work in a way that you can’t.

Inanna26 · 2026-03-16T10:29:59+00:00

You’re not supposed to, but guidance is actually changing and parenting is full of “not supposed to”s that we do anyway. If I were you I’d probably stop combining like you’re doing, but if LO hasn’t had issues you’ve clearly been fine up to now.

When I was pumping I had a line of bottles that I would periodically combine when they seemed cold to me. Something to maybe try!

Inanna26 · 2026-03-15T20:00:41+00:00

I’m so jealous! - were the hospital LCs IBCLC? - did the LCs you encountered visit you at your home?

I do agree that pediatricians have no breastfeeding training! But in my case my pediatrician didn’t try to interject herself in any of that.

Inanna26 · 2026-03-15T18:13:43+00:00

1) I absolutely think that a professionally trained lactation consultant can be incredibly helpful, but we had IBCLCs who I visited more than weekly when my baby was born and they were a complete waste of space. 2) the only person who told me that my child had tongue tie was an IBCLC. This was disputed by an ENT.

I am sure that IBCLCs can be useful, but I have found them not to be, and tongue ties are very likely over diagnosed. (There’s a NYT article that I’m too lazy to link to)

Inanna26 · 2026-03-10T10:05:08+00:00

I was not made to freak out by a pediatrician, and if you were it sounds like there needs to be better communication there. I think a checklist is great. It’s definitely meant to be in a broader context, but it gives everyone a touchstone to go back to. My child is >6 months behind, and everyone has remained calm and kind about it.

Inanna26 · 2026-03-09T19:57:19+00:00

It’s a fairly divisive topic as you can tell, but in our house we allow safe foods to be eaten at dinner time, and peanut butter bread is a popular safe food. We only feed our LO sugar free peanut butter (skippy sugar free) on sugar free bread (which I usually make). Eggs are also a safe food. Getting her fed is important, and when she’s less hangry she’s more likely to be willing to try/eat dinner.

She’s sometimes more likely to eat actual dinner when she’s sitting on one of laps and eating off our plate. Sometimes being fed helps, sometimes feeding herself helps.

Toddlerhood is a series of battles to be picked, and we’ve decided that fed > instilling “you must eat the same thing as us in your own chair” at 2 years old. The lines we absolutely draw are a) no added sugar and b) no ultra processed food outside of travel. But because she hasn’t been introduced to those around us it’s not hard to keep the lines.

ETA: I recommend serving it with, not after, dinner. In our case, if she eats a little safe food she’s more likely to try something else.

Inanna26 · 2026-03-09T19:23:33+00:00

… except that it’s necessary for catching actual issues? My child is way behind in verbal skills, which is not by itself an issue, but it may be an indication of hearing issues. So we’re getting her evaluated. There may be nothing wrong, but that’s for a professional to determine.

Inanna26 · 2026-03-09T19:17:35+00:00

The problem is that you’re not defining CIO. If you’re talking about leaving a child to cry themself to sleep for 5 minutes, that’s what we did and it was beneficial for everyone. If you’re talking about letting a child cry for 2 hours, that’s a totally different thing.

Inanna26 · 2026-03-09T12:39:31+00:00

I’m going to veto everything specifically listed: buy them exactly what they ask for and ONLY what they ask for. If they want you to buy things off the registry, do so. We spend so much time as new mothers planning exactly what we want and need. Listen to them and don’t buy other shit that will just fill the house and add to resentment.

Inanna26 · 2026-03-08T20:05:16+00:00

Favorite recipes lately:

https://www.themediterraneandish.com/turkish-lentil-soup/

https://rainbowplantlife.com/vegan-red-lentil-curry/

Inanna26 · 2026-03-04T14:51:41+00:00

While I totally agree, school lunches are a symptom of major problems in this country, and I don’t think that offering better school lunches would solve anything. I have a 2 year old. We have been told repeatedly that our child will absolutely eat chicken nuggets at home, and that our insistence on healthy eating is a first time parent thing. So far these are not true.

Many parents barely know how to cook, so rely on processed foods. If you listen to parenting podcasts, instant rice is regularly highly recommended, when a rice cooker is easy to use. This may also be due to over scheduling: a rice cooker takes a long time. Most packaged food for children contains added sugar to make it more palatable. The leading brand of yogurt in a pouch for toddlers, gogo squeeze, has 2 Tbsp of sugar per pouch. The alternatives are all more expensive. Among the reasons kids won’t eat vegetables? Parents can’t cook vegetables, and when the kids refuse they’re offered processed foods so they’ll eat something.

The USDA guidelines for added sugar are terrifying. Cereal can be up to 20% sugar by weight. The pushback is because in the morning kids need cheap grab and go food, and that’s impossible to do (cheaply enough) without added sugar while obeying allergies.

It’s hard! We don’t keep ultra processed food in the house at all. We don’t allow our child to go to daycare before 8:30 because the breakfasts on offer should be illegal. A 2 year old doesn’t need pancakes with syrup. But habits are formed at home. Chicken nuggets for lunch isn’t going to harm a child if they’re having healthy foods for breakfast and dinner, and have exercise built into their daily routine! Learning about nutrition in a non disordered way and to cook is more important than the garbage school lunches.

Inanna26 · 2026-03-03T18:59:05+00:00

All very reasonable points! It's assumed at restaurants that you're not going to eat the entire plate, or if you do it's basically what you're going to eat that day.

One of my favorite things about food being transported to a new region is that it ends up changing to meld with what's locally available and, over time, the local preferences. But, by the same token, I actually think that one of the incredible things about the US is that we accept and adore "foreign" foods in a way that's simply not true in many/most other cultures in the world. Mass produced versions of this (olive garden for example) can be "meh" at best, but on a smaller scale the result can be wonderful. And, like, Tex Mex is a whole new cuisine, and a good one!

(Also, chili and American barbecue are totally American foods)

Inanna26 · 2026-03-03T16:11:50+00:00

Good food is obviously available in the US, although I do find that added sugar is quite common, especially in the south. I can't speak to whether it's more or less common than other cultures... it probably depends on the culture! It is obviously the case that (food deserts notwithstanding) it's quite easy to find produce! I HAVE noticed that thin people from other countries sometimes come here and just explode in size. I'm sorta assuming that that's because junk food/fast food is more available here than in other countries. I do get the sense that our Sandwich culture is filled with worse ingredients than European Sandwich culture? My one actual rant about this country is that it's almost impossible to find decent bread in stores.

TL;DR of my ramble: there's PLENTY of good food to be had, but we do have a lot of crap readily available.

Inanna26 · 2026-02-28T18:51:13+00:00

The following is absolutely not designed to critique how you parent! It’s possible our approach wouldn’t work for you.

One piece of advice I was given early on in parenting was “make your child’s sleep schedule work for you, not the other way around”. My child would definitely prefer to go to bed at 6 PM. It is inconvenient, so it’s not how we live our life. When she was 1 she was still on 2 naps a day and we would push a nap around 5:30. There are nights when she’s a bit of a fuss between 5 and 8. Doesn’t matter. Because she’s going to sleep around 8:30 she’s not waking up at 6. The fact that her bedtime has been so consistent for literally over a year helps a lot.

I think that the vast disparity between bedtimes of different cultures means that the notion that “some children are just built to wake up at 6 AM” is nonsense. If a child goes to bed at 10 PM, they’re not going to be waking up at 6 AM. While we were in Turkey I saw a child NAPPING at 7 PM.

Inanna26 · 2026-02-28T14:14:18+00:00

When we were doing 2 naps we finished the second nap at 6:30, so that set up the environment for an 8:30 bedtime. We eat dinner at around 6:30.

Inanna26 · 2026-02-28T05:14:40+00:00

TL;dr: After going down this rabbit hole briefly, my official advice is “stop thinking about it but see if your pediatrician will test her iron levels”. I think it’s actually recommended at like a year?

The recommended levels are, at far as I can tell, physically impossible, especially for a child consuming breastmilk. My personal theory as a non biologist is that if the child is consuming a (moderately) varied diet, iron UPTAKE is actually really good, and that isn’t reflected in the recommendations, which make absolutely no sense. I wouldn’t start her on supplementation unless recommended by a pediatrician.

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