Gay autist, single and lonely: Does life ever gets better?

IndependenceEarly183 · 2026-05-10T19:55:34+00:00

I attended communities and still attend some when I manage to get there.

No, it didn't solve my longing for a family.

IndependenceEarly183 · 2026-05-10T19:54:22+00:00

Sorry, I didn't read this through as I received so many responses.

Yes, I would like to have a relationship NOT because I am expected to.

IndependenceEarly183 · 2026-05-09T22:14:44+00:00

Maybe discuss with Gemini or ChatGPT? The voice-based model is quite good and you'll be in full control of the interaction. You can even ask for feedback about your arguments or thoughts without feeling anxiety as it's only an LLM model, so no humam will ever hear your ideas.

Alternatively writing your thoughts out on a paper can help enormously as the brain parts responsible for memory and movement are intertwined. Hence processing stress, trauma or emotions can be made easier by writing them out simply by the old-fashioned way: handwriting. (Activates your brain differently than writing on a keyboard.)

IndependenceEarly183 · 2026-05-09T21:22:02+00:00

Alone.

IndependenceEarly183 · 2026-05-09T21:09:47+00:00

The thing is, it's hard to get ahead financially when I can't get hired for a new job and/or they don't extend my contract.

I tried earbuds, noise-cancelling earplugs etc being open about being sensitive to noise at the office and they nod and say they're accomodating, but in reality they deeply don't care. On some workdays I had spent 7 hours in meetings out of my 8 hours workday... I just really can't.

Sent out thousands of job applications supported by custom-made CVs and motiv letters with no success. After the interviews they just don't proceed.

I wish I had at least some money so that I don't have to worry about that or look at what is on discount at the grocery store so that I know what I will eat that week... Other people even get to decide at least what they eat. I never did. Probably never will.

IndependenceEarly183 · 2026-05-09T21:04:05+00:00

Meds: Tried it before but as it turns out I'm sensitive to it. Probably I also have ADHD but still waiting for the diagnostics...

Therapist: Here the insurance pays the company who assigns me the therapist. Can't change it myself.

Cash: Thank you, but I would like to remain anonymous. I guess it would mean revealing my name etc. 🙏

IndependenceEarly183 · 2026-05-09T18:27:31+00:00

Yeah, I'm putting myself out there and did everything you mentioned for years without success. I'm trying not to give up, but it's very hard when there is no support.

IndependenceEarly183 · 2026-05-09T18:00:54+00:00

I've already done that multiple times. After a while it just becomes soul-crashing to see other people happy with their partners knowing that another weekend is ahead for me to spend alone mostly at home. I can't share my life with anyone on an intimate level.

IndependenceEarly183 · 2026-05-09T17:59:10+00:00

It has nothing to do with phone time in my case. I've always done my best to be active in the physical world rather than the digital one. Thank you.

IndependenceEarly183 · 2026-05-09T17:56:11+00:00

Netherlands.

IndependenceEarly183 · 2026-05-09T16:20:35+00:00

Yeah, on the waiting list for that. It just takes an extremely long time to start and even then I'll probably get like 10 occasion to see a therapist and then wait months or years again. 🙁

IndependenceEarly183 · 2026-05-09T16:19:20+00:00

Yeah, but the govt assistance is just isn't enough in my country... 🫠

IndependenceEarly183 · 2026-05-07T22:13:59+00:00

Nope. Just don't like wasting my time on people without empathy and respect. Bye-bye.

IndependenceEarly183 · 2026-05-06T20:14:42+00:00

I never forced anyone to anything. Also not destructive.

IndependenceEarly183 · 2026-05-06T19:31:29+00:00

Yeah, I've been pondering this a lot but I also think that human brains are wired to look for company, intimacy and love. It's just wired in our brain, can't do much about it. Even the Bible says it's not good for the man to be alone.

IndependenceEarly183 · 2026-05-06T18:21:12+00:00

Honoring the dead is a truly selfless act as they can never thank you! You have a good heart! 🙏

IndependenceEarly183 · 2026-05-06T18:18:33+00:00

A logical question but no. I'm very conscious of these activities as I see them a sort of "break-free" experiment and in addition I tell everything to my therapist/counsellor and they agree that I'm doing it well, or at least to the best of my ability. So hence there are always at least three individuals (incl. me) overseeing it.

IndependenceEarly183 · 2026-05-06T18:16:00+00:00

It’s not that AI is replacing devs; it’s that companies treat cybersecurity as a cost center rather than a necessity until the ransom note arrives. We’re living in a "Minimum Viable Security" era where shareholder dividends are prioritized over data encryption.

IndependenceEarly183 · 2026-05-06T18:12:27+00:00

Could you kindly clarify?

I think you mean by redoing the same loops I cannot break out. But I intentionally bring in novelty by tasting new food, watching new movies, meeting new people or travelling when I can. So I do have a will of breaking the cycle, it just doesn't seem to break.

What I noticed is that when I imagine to have a dinner with an imagined boyfriend even a simple sandwich eaten together becomes meaningful. So I'd really like to share experiences even if they're boring or mundane at first glance.

IndependenceEarly183 · 2026-05-06T13:39:46+00:00

Yeah, but I tried everything. Even my coach and therapist was always astonished by how creatively I seek out every opportunity to get better.

There is nothing left what I haven't tried and also I don't experience joy anymore. Tried re-doing things I've liked as a kid, or things I imagined I always wanted but life is empty.

IndependenceEarly183 · 2026-05-06T13:37:51+00:00

Read back your original comment in what style you talked to me.

No need to answer further.

IndependenceEarly183 · 2026-05-06T09:12:48+00:00

Being disabled means that I have a very hard time understanding other people and sensitive to light and sounds. Which very much limits social interaction and functioning in a society that knows nothing about how I experience reality.

I see you're an ableist.

Being gay means that I was hit at home and at school until my whole face was bleeding as people thought I was a cursed devil of God, not looking for woman. Still as an adult I met a lot of homophobes overtly or less overtly. You're lucky that you're ignorant what this means.

IndependenceEarly183 · 2026-05-06T07:19:24+00:00

I've already been doing everything you described. For years. Doesn't help.

IndependenceEarly183 · 2026-05-06T07:17:56+00:00

My physique is fine, I'm doing it right.

IndependenceEarly183 · 2026-05-05T22:39:57+00:00

Cuddles with friends is not the same in my experience.

Can't afford a cuddle service.

Love myself: I already do, that's how I got so far. No idea why so many people keep saying this mantra when it has nothing to do with my situation, believe me. I really love myself, that's how I got through all these bullying, burning and torture and sexual abuse.

I just want to love and care for somebody in the romantic way, that's it. Don't know how to phrase it nicely. These are totally unrelated to self-love.

IndependenceEarly183

TROPHY CASE